Pleasure Mechanics

Kinky Masturbation

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Is your solo sex life getting a little boring? Do you have kinky fantasies and no one to explore them with?

Here’s how to integrate kink in your solo play and enjoy the infinite pleasures of kinky masturbation.

Masturbation can include all of the major elements of kinky sex, including Sensation Play, Power Play and Role Play. 

To explore sensation play as part of kinky masturbation, start with your hands. Explore the full range of sensations you can create on your entire body.  Scratch yourself, pinch yourself,  spank yourself, play with widest range of sensation possible. While it can feel hard to replicate the surprise and sensations of a partner’s touch, it can still be fun and you can start learning what types of sensations you most respond to. Then, you can bring toys into your solo play. Almost any toy designed for kinky play can be used in masturbation. Curious about nipple clamps? Put them on and then hold the chain in your mouth and tug on them as you masturbate! 

Kinky masturbation is the ideal place to explore your kinkiest fantasies! In the safety of your own imagination you can push your fantasies in every direction and explore what you find arousing. To prime your fantasy pump, read kinky erotica and notice what turns you on. Remember that fantasy is not always the things you want to do in real life. Click here for more about fantasy vs. desire, a crucial concept to set your erotic imagination free!

Fantasize during solo sex and allow yourself to spin intricate stories involving kink and power play. Step into different power roles and see how you respond. If you want to explore submission, try out a range of archetypes and find out exactly what kind of power play inspires you. Are you a naughty, nasty rebel who needs a firm hand? Or a demure, humble servant aiming to please? Kinky masturbation can help you explore the galaxy of options and unlock new possibilities. 

You can even try solo orgasm control! Build arousal and then stop and move on with your day. Then masturbate again, and stop just before orgasm. Repeat until you are begging yourself for permission to orgasm!

While exploring kinky masturbation, push your own edges while staying emotionally and physically safe. You will learn what your body is capable of as you explore – respect your own limits just like you would respect a partner’s boundaries during kinky sex. NEVER risk injuring yourself with things like erotic asphyxiation, or any skill you are not properly trained in. 

Want to explore the exciting terrain of kinky sex? Click here for more on the erotic adventure of a lifetime!

 

How To Have An Affair With Your Spouse

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Get all the benefits of cheating – without infidelity. Here’s how to harness the excitement and thrills of an affair – with your spouse!

In this episode we invite you into the fantasy game of planning (and maybe even having!) an affair with your spouse. This can be a fantasy only mind game or a full blown seduction of your spouse.

Affairs are exciting for a reason. People tend to put enormous amounts of creativity and energy into thinking about and having affairs. Who would you want to have an affair with? How would you get away with cheating? Where would you meet? What kind of sex would you have? What kinds of emails and phone calls would you sneak away to share? How would you feel after a wild tryst if you knew you would never be caught?

Yet many people don’t want to have an affair. Many people love their spouse too much to risk breaking their heart – even if they are sexually frustrated. So here’s another plan: have an affair with your spouse. Bring all of that same creative energy and start seducing your spouse into sneaking kisses, romantic emails and getaways filled with passionate sex.

In this episode we explore how to have an affair with your spouse, so you can get the thrills of an affair without the cheating!

 

Sex and Social Justice with Aida Manduley

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Sex and pleasure matter far beyond your bedroom. Sexuality is part of your social body, how you interact with and are treated by the world. Sexuality is deeply interconnected with race and class – so when we call for more sexual pleasure we must recognize that call is ultimately for social justice for all.

In this episode we cover:

  • Intersectionality, and how it informs our sexual experience
  • The importance of understanding the history of racial and sexual oppression
  • How self care can be an act of resistance
  • The difference between self care and numbing out
  • Radical love as a guiding framework

Find more about Aida’s work and therapy practice on her website: www.aidamanduley.com

Aida is also part of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network: WOCSHN

Resources mentioned:

Liberation Health

“This radical love fosters community and emerges through it. Radical love is a love that gives the benefit of the doubt, that affirms and questions, that holds its skepticism at bay to allow a raw thought to develop, that understands accountability not as a zero sum game, that doesn’t draw lines in the sand, that doesn’t believe in (to borrow a phrase from Edward Said) solidarity without criticism, that understands that rifts can heal and that we need not divide ourselves from one another during that healing. It also understands that there may be moments when toxicity reaches such a level that, out of self-care and self-love, one has to pull back and find new alliances. A radical love can foster and enrich community.” — Ralph Rodríguez (source)

 

The Gender Galaxy

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The gender galaxy is expanding – and opening up opportunities for us all. Learn all about transgender, genderqueer, genderfluid and cisgender identities, and find yourself in the gender galaxy!

Learn all about the gender galaxy:

  • what is gender?
  • what does it mean to be transgender?
  • what does it mean to be genderqueer how is it different from identifying as genderfluid?
  • what can you do to support gender non conforming individuals?
  • what does it mean to be cisgender?
  • how does the expanding gender galaxy offer us all more freedom and opportunity?

Gender Galaxy Language

Here are some ideas to orient you in the gender galaxy!
Please note: this language is a living, breathing cocreation – if you think about one of these terms differently, or have a different experience to share, wonderful! Be in touch with us and share your thoughts.

Gender Identity: how you think and feel about yourself

Gender Expression: how you behave and express yourself socially

Agender: someone who identifies as having no gender

Androgynous: identifying as having both masculine and feminine traits

Bigender: some people use this term to mean having different genders depending on social contexts

Cisgender: someone whose gender identity and expression matches their assigned birth sex.

Genderqueer: someone who actively mixes and matches gendered traits to create a unique gender expression

Gender Fluid: someone who moves along the gender spectrum and is comfortable with this shifting identity

Gender Nonconforming: someone whose gender expression doesn’t match the social expectations based their assigned birth sex

Gender queer: someone who feels their identity doesn’t match “male” or “female” but feels somewhere in between

Transgender: an umbrella term that can apply to anyone whose current gender identity is different from what would be expected based on their assigned birth sex, or anyone who has made a transition along the gender spectrum. While no specific medical interventions are inherently a part of a transgender identity, some transgender people use hormone therapy, surgery or other procedures to make their outward expression more closely match their internal identity.

Pronouns: when in doubt, check in with the individual about what pronouns they prefer. Some options, familiar and new:

She – Her – Hers – Herself

He – Him – His – Himself

They – Them – Their – Themself

Ze – Zir – Zirself

Ze –  Hir – Hirself

E – Em- Eir -Emself

Lust Vs. Disgust

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Arousal makes us do crazy things, right? Even simple sex acts like open mouth kissing and oral sex seem strange if you think about them rationally for too long! Things we would never normally want to do can suddenly become intensely pleasurable with the right person and the right amount of arousal.

It turns out that disgust and lust have an intimate and complicated relationship in the human brain.

This relationship can work both ways. If you experience disgust before trying to get aroused, it can be way harder to get turned on. But if you get really aroused first, then things that would ordinarily disgust you won’t bother you at all. Knowing how these emotions work in your body can help you manage your disgust so you can get more aroused, and get more aroused to become more sexually adventurous!

Sexual arousal is a motivational state that moves humans toward situations that inherently pose a risk of disease transmission. Disgust is an emotion that adaptively moves humans away from such situations.

These two experiences can interact in strange and important ways in your sex life. Tune in to find out what happens when lust and disgust meet in your erotic mind.

We cover:

  • how to minimize disgust to maximize arousal
  • how arousal minimizes disgust
  • why you need to figure out your personal disgust triggers
  • communication skills to help navigate the tricky terrain of disgust in your relationship
  • how disgust interuppts arousal, even more so than fear!
  • why women are more likely to struggle with disgust in their sex lives

Here are some scientific studies about lust vs. disgust:

Feelings of Disgust and Disgust-Induced Avoidance Weaken following Induced Sexual Arousal in Women

Disgust versus Lust: Exploring the Interactions of Disgust and Fear with Sexual Arousal in Women

“Women [who] were sexually aroused were more willing to touch and do initially disgusting tasks,” study co-author Charmaine Borg, a researcher in the department of clinical psychology and experimental psychopathology at the University of Groningen in The Netherlands.