Pleasure Mechanics

Amanda Palmer On Making Emotional Connections

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Amanda Palmer shares the crucial difference between Looking and Seeing, and offers wisdom on the importance of being truly seen as a full human being.

Excerpt from her book, The Art of Asking or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Let People Help.

Get the audiobook of Amanda’s book FREE with your completely free Audible.com trial membership!

Art of Asking Audio Book Amanda Palmer

 

I wanted to be seen.

That was absolutely true. All performers -all humans- want to be seen; it’s a basic need. Even the shy ones who don’t want to be looked at.

But I also wanted, very much, to see.

I didn’t quite grasp this until I had been up on the box for a while. What I loved as much as, possibly even more than, being seen was sharing the gaze. Feeling connected.

I needed the two-way street, the exchange, the relationship, and the invitation to true intimacy that I got every so often from the eyes of a random street patron. It didn’t always happen. But it happened enough to keep me up on the box.

And that’s why stripping, even though it often paid way better, when I tried my hand at it a few years later, just didn’t do it for me. I was being looked at. But I never felt seen. The strip joint was like Teflon to real emotional connection. – page 46, The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer

Boring Sex? Here Is How To Fix It

Boring Sex? Here Is How To Fix It

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Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a rut during lovemaking?

Routines are simply not very sexy, and with good reason. Our human brains adapt to any kind of repeated stimulation, focusing less attention on what is familiar to free up bandwidth to detect new and surprising stimulation.

This information is valuable in two ways. First, when you are touching your lover it is important to use both repetition and variety to create as much pleasure as possible. Repeating the strokes your lover likes best creates a steady build of arousal, but without an occasional surprise their body will tune out eventually.

The same is true in the bigger picture of your relationship. If you make love in the same way over and over again, boredom and numbness will set in. Intimacy will become less thrilling, less exciting and eventually you’ll tune out all together.

The solution? Seek novelty. This doesn’t mean you have to become a swinger or have an open relationship! Our erotic brains like novelty of all kinds. Any new experience you share with your lover will release dopamine in your brain, creating a thrill and the satisfaction of experiencing something new. Travel is one of the best ways to create novelty. Another easy way to tap into novelty is to do something new together, like taking a dance class. You get bonus points for anything that is a little risky or dangerous.

You can also apply the rule of novelty to your lovemaking. If you find yourself in a rut, make sure to focus on shaking things up by trying new activities, tapping into a variety of erotic energies and never doing it quite the same way twice in a row! Even small changes can make a big difference in how you feel about the sex you are having.

This week’s podcast is dedicated to strategies to get out of ruts. We heard from a member of our community who has been in a 10 year rut that is driving him crazy, but his wife isn’t willing to change things up. Tune in to hear our advice for getting out of the scripts and routines that are making his love life a bore.

Sexual Superhero Skills Revealed!

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Sexual Superhero Skills Revealed!What if you could take a crash course in becoming a better lover? What if, by investing a few evenings to pleasurable practice you could gain confidence, skill and swagger? And what if becoming better in bed was an effortless side effect of your investment?

Here’s the deal. Our Couples Massage Mastery course reveals everything you need to know to exchange quality massage at home anytime you choose.

You’ll learn how to give awesome backrubs and amazing foot massage. You’ll master full body massage, which you can use for relaxation or foreplay. But the surprising side effect of learning massage? You’ll become a better lover.

We know this is true because we have seen it work in the hundreds of couples we have instructed in massage. They all report the same phenomenon. When you learn massage, you level up in the bedroom. Here’s why.

Here are just a few of the sexual superhero skills you’ll pick up as you learn massage:

You’ll discover how to:

  • Communicate effectively about what you want
  • Listen to your lover’s non-verbal cues so you can give them more pleasure
  • Pay attention to pleasure in your body and overcome distraction
  • Relax while getting aroused, the secret to more profound sexual pleasure
  • Awaken full body arousal so you can have bigger orgasms

As if sharing the pleasures of massage weren’t enough, right? Beyond the pleasure and relaxation of full body massage, get ready to see what learning massage can do to your love life! Tune in to this week’s podcast to discover more about how learning massage makes you better in bed.

The Missing Link In Your Sex Life

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The Missing Link In Your Sex Life

Do you long for more frequent lovemaking? 

Do you find yourself too stressed out to get in the mood as often as you’d like?

Do you ache for more intimacy, or simply crave more touch?

If you answered “YES!” to any of these questions, you are not alone. 

We hear from thousands of men and women every year, and the most common desire is more frequent, more intimate lovemaking. But for most people, that feels way out of reach. 

For most people, it is simply too hard to make the leap from their stressed out every day life to the pleasure zone of arousal as often as they’d like.

So they give up, libidos go on holiday and everyone suffers. 

There is a missing link, and we have the solution! 

Here’s the secret: the human body NEEDS to relax before it can get aroused. Your body needs a stepping stone from the hustle of your life to the pleasure of intimacy. That link is MASSAGE!

Here is why sharing massage at home with your lover is a total game changer. Massage is the most effective way to relax and connect with your lover, and share the luxury of quality touch. In as little as five minutes you can flip the switch from stress to relaxation, creating full body pleasure and profound intimacy. Massage is also the ultimate foreplay, creating the conditions in the body for higher arousal and better orgasms. 

We believe massage is the BEST investment couples can make in for a better love life and healthier relationship. MassageBadge

We’ve brought together all of our couple’s massage guide into one amazing course. Enroll in Couples Massage Mastery and you’ll receive:

  • 22 Stroke-By-Stroke Video Guides, Showing You Effective Massage Techniques 
  • A Comprehensive Handbook With Everything You Need To Know About Sharing Massage
  • 5 In-Depth Audio Guides Revealing The Secrets Of The Pros