Erotic Massage

What Is Erotic Massage?

Erotic massage is a complete sexual experience that both men and women can enjoy. Erotic massage can create extremely high levels of arousal and often ends with powerful full body orgasms. The key to erotic massage is combining full body touch with arousing erotic touch.

Erotic massage is a “taking turns” erotic experience. One of you is in the role of Giver, the other gets to relax and focus entirely on being the Receiver.
Erotic massage is an opportunity to lavish your lover with erotic touch, head to toe. It is a very luxurious experience, and many people report reaching higher levels of arousal than they knew possible.

Just like oral sex, the experience of “taking turns” allows you to sink deeper into the experience of both giving and receiving. While receiving erotic massage, there is nothing to do but focus on the sensations in your body. Many people are surprised at just how much arousal they can handle while receiving erotic massage. Women are surprised at how much pleasure they can feel when they give themselves permission to receive the full attention of their devoted lover. Men are surprised at how long they can sustain arousal and maintain erections. When receiving erotic massage people often experience far more arousal than they new possible.

Erotic massage starts with a full body massage. This relaxes the body and primes it for full body arousal. Once the recipient is totally relaxed, you can begin building arousal with erotic stimulation. Using your hands to stimulate your lover’s genitals (and anal area if you so choose!) you build up arousal and then use more full body touch to “spread it out” into full body arousal.

When done well, erotic massage creates the experience of full body orgasm – as you climax you feel the arousal streaming through every part of your body. Many people report the sensation of arousal streaming through their legs and arms and “shooting out” the top of their heads. Don’t go into your first erotic massage experience expecting a transcendent outcome. Just like any other physical skill, it will take time to master. Instead, approach it with a spirit of curiosity and just be open to what happens!

To master the art of erotic massage, check out the Foreplay Mastery Course!

Fellatio : Discover How To Love Giving Oral Sex


A listener wants to know if she can learn to love giving her boyfriend oral sex. We seize the opportunity to offer tips and strategies to make giving blow jobs way more pleasurable!

Many women don’t like giving blowjobs, and no wonder: the way porn depicts blowjobs is not that pleasurable for the woman!

But if we shift the model and learn how to make fellatio into a complete erotic experience, it can be a major turn on for women to give their men so much pleasure with their hands and mouth!


Fellatio can be an incredible part of a fulfilling sex life. But for fellatio to be pleasurable for the giver, it needs to be approached as a gift freely given, rather than a chore to endure.

We cover techniques to make oral sex easier to give, including  how to use handjob techniques to stimulate the shaft while focusing oral stimulation on the sensitive head of the penis. To master these skills (and way more!) check out our Foreplay Mastery Course.

We also cover communication techniques so you can make your fellatio uniquely yours by choosing what kind of erotic energy you want to play with, what parts of blowjobs you like and what you want to avoid.

Fellatio can be a loving, joyful expression of pleasure. Learn how to love oral sex!

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Here’s the question that inspired this podcast. You can submit a question to be answered on future episodes on our Ask Us Anything page!
Stephanie writes:
Hey Pleasure Mechanics,
Thanks for your awesome podcast. My boyfriend and I listen to it together and it has prompted lots of great conversations. He encouraged me to write in with an issue that has been a problem for us for years.
Like most guys, he loves blowjobs. The problem is, I don’t love giving him oral sex. I don’t have any problem with the idea of it, and at first it is ok, but after a few minutes I just feel like I am choking and drooling and it is a total turn-off. He knows I don’t like it so he has stopped asking, but I know it is something he wants more of. So my question is, is this something I can learn to love? Any tips for making going down more fun?

How To Prolong Foreplay

How To Prolong Foreplay

Most women want more foreplay before we can enjoy the pleasures of intercourse.

Foreplay is essential to build arousal before penetration of any kind, and most of us can’t get enough. In this episode, we discuss how to expand your erotic experience by enjoying more foreplay.

We start by talking about creating a culture of pleasure in your relationship, keeping it warm so it is easier to get hot when you are ready. Then, discover ways to flirt with your lover and build up anticipation for sex throughout your days. Next, we share strategies to use couples massage to move from your everyday life to the erotic realm.

Once you are relaxed and ready to enjoy pleasure, expand your foreplay by exploring every inch of your lover’s body. Finally, we encourage you to tease your lover and build up their desire until it is brimming and ready to explode into a powerful climax. Changing your relationship to foreplay will expand your sex life and guarantee more intimacy and connection with your lover!

ForeplayBadgeMaster the art of foreplay with our Foreplay Mastery Online Course!


Great sex begins with foreplay. Most of what we think of “foreplay” is touch – full body touch, erotic touch, the touch of our lips on one another’s body. Touch is how we seduce our lovers, create arousal, and become orgasmic.

Erotic touch and massage are not always preludes to more intense sexual activities – but they serve as the foundation for deeply satisfying erotic experiences.

We think it is so important to broaden our definition of “what counts” when it comes to sexual pleasure, we are willing to declare Death To Foreplay!

Learn More:

Massage As Foreplay

Foreplay for Women: Fingering

Foreplay for Men: Handjobs

Death To Foreplay!

How often do you hear these trite quips about sex:

“Women want more foreplay”

“Women need more foreplay than men”

“Maybe there just wasn’t enough foreplay”

As sex educators and experts in erotic touch, we hear things like this all time. Lack of foreplay is constantly cited as the scapegoat for mediocre sex. As if it were salt, present only to enhance the main dish.

We’re here to declare Death to Foreplay. And you’re invited to the after party.

Foreplay. Fore – Play. As in “before” the “play” – the prelude to the big event.

When you think of foreplay, what activities do you include. Quick, make a list.

Here is our short list:

– Full Body Touch and Carress

– Eye Contact

– Kissing

– Nibbling

– Full Body Contact

– Talking and Laughing

– Licking the Body

– Stimulation of the Genitals with Hands

– Oral Sex

That last one is tricky, right? Many people consider Oral Sex full-on sex, on par with vaginal or oral intercourse. Other people consider it far more intimate. (We like to call this “The Hierarchy of Orifices”)

But for most people, the Foreplay Activities List would look pretty similar.

We say it is time to put an end to “Foreplay”

What bothers us here as experts in arousal is certainly not the activities on that list.

What is essential is that all of these activities, plus penetrative intercourse, are considered as equal opportunities for pleasure, a range of activities that we humans can do with our bodies in different combinations for the most possible sexual pleasure.

What is essential is that we end the notion that all of these activities are just a prelude to “the real thing” and that only certain acts “count.” These turns of phrases may have been relevant when we were teenagers, but as adults we need a sexual language that better serves our reality, right?

When couples start keeping track of “what counts” there is a fundamental break-down in intimacy.

The goal of an erotic relationship, for most people, is mutual pleasure and fulfillment. Most of us want our lovers to feel loved, cherished, desired, satisfied and turned on. And most of us want to feel the same things – sexy and satisfied.

Think for a minute about your erotic goals – what kind of sex life do you really want? Consistent? Exciting? Comforting? Raw? Seductive? What words come to mind. Make a list!

Now that you have a sense of what kind of sex life you want, think about what kind of sex that life includes.

What is working now:

What I want more of:

What I want less of:

In our work with thousands of men, women and couples, we’ve never seen anyone list simply: I Want More Vaginal Intercourse and Anal Sex.

Most people can’t even imagine a sex life comprised exclusively of penetration. So why do we take this whole realm of erotic touch, all the ways we pleasure one another, and dump it in this frumpy category of “Foreplay”

Here’s just one theory: the language we use to talk about sex is weighed down with baggage from a puritan past, when pleasure was something to fear and be ashamed of, not something to be embraced and harnessed for good!

So if our collective goal is to experience the sex life of our dreams – whatever that looks like for you – then we need to expand our experience of erotic touch. Forget Foreplay – what we need more of, what there is never too much of, what we could ALL use, is more TOUCH. Quality, skilled touch. Erotic Touch.

There are some metaphors that just work for sex so we’re going to run with a couple. Use whatever imagery works for you and your life.

Many people think about being aroused and turned-on as being “hot” – once we are “hot” we are in the zone.

It is often thought that men can swing faster between “hot” and “cold.”  The theory goes that men can be turned on by just about anything, and are ready for sex whenever there is a willing partner around. Think of an instant tea kettle – push one button and you’ve got a shot of hot water.

Women, on the other hand, are thought to be like a big pot of water – it takes a long time to get her “hot” but once she has been brought to a boil, there is a long lasting heat.

How true do those metaphors feel to you?

We think most people, male and female, experience a combination of the classic gendered stereotypes. Most of us experience a mix of what scientists call “spontaneous desire” and “responsive desire” – sometimes we are turned on and aroused seemingly out of nowhere, other times we need to be seduced and have our arousal drawn out of us.

So many factors influence our ability to feel turned on and ready for sexual intimacy. To name just a few big ones: health, finances, stress, family, ambient temperature.

Here’s what we know for sure: 

Most people want to get “hot” more often.

Very few people like the feeling of being sexually “cold”

Our proposal: Cultivate a relationship where you both are kept “warm” so when the mood and opportunity strikes, it is way easier to get “hot.” To follow our pot of water metaphor, we believe it is possible to keep a huge cauldron of arousal at a slow simmer, fueling your relationship and ready to be brought to a boil when occassion calls.