Emily Nagoski on the Surprising Science of Sex

Emily Nagoski on the Surprising Science of SexOur culture tells us all sorts of things about female pleasure. We are told women are complicated, hard to figure out, overly emotional creatures with elusive libidos. None of these messages are very helpful when it comes to giving and experiencing more pleasure, right? Do you long for honest, accurate information that actually helps you experience a better love life? If so, you are in the right place! We are dedicated to providing the most effective techniques so you can experience the pleasure you crave.

In order to give you the most powerful information and strategies, we are constantly reading and learning about sexuality and love. When we come across an amazing resource, we love sharing it with you.

We are thrilled to share an interview with Emily Nagoski, author of the new book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. Emily reveals what the latest science has to say about female desire, libido and orgasms. This is a must-listen episode for anyone interested in women’s pleasure. Click the play button above to listen to the interview!

In the interview you’ll learn

  • why everything you know about the hymen is wrong
  • the key to getting in the mood more often
  • how taking control of your brain will lead to a better love life
  • why “desirable” and “pleasurable” are not always the same thing

Check out Emily’s book, Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life and Emily’s blog, The Dirty Normal.

Stop Faking Orgasms: Here’s How

Stop Faking Orgasms: Here's How

Fake orgasm? How about the real thing instead?

Many women (and some men) fake orgasm to get sex over with and avoid hurting their lover’s feelings. But one fake orgasm just ends up leading to another.

If you avoid communicating about what you really need to have the real deal, you’ll end up with a lover who doesn’t know how to please you!

The solution is to start communicating (verbally and non-verbally) about what authentically turns you on so you can get more of what works for you. Over time, this will add up to a highly orgasmic sex life!

How Common Are Fake Orgasms?

Fake orgasms are more common than you might imagine. One study shows that 80% of women fake orgasms at least half the time! Many men fake orgasms too!

Many people fake orgasm to get mediocre sex over with. Others fake orgasm to avoid hurting their lover’s feelings. The problem is, when you fake an orgasm you are giving your lover false information about your sexual responses. Imagine if your lover cooked you the same meal every week because they thought you liked it. Eventually, you’d have to speak up and ask for something else.

The same is true in the bedroom. Unless you are willing to communicate about what authentically arouses you and brings you to orgasm, you’ll never be able to have a fulfilling sex life.

Remember, most women do not experience orgasm during intercourse. For more on why and how to truly pleasure a woman, check out our free podcast episodes on Female Orgasm During Intercourse

In this podcast episode we explore how to start getting real with your lover so you can stop faking and start making love that is truly satisfying.

We also discuss whether or not you should disclose to your lover if you’ve been faking orgasms all along.

Should I Confess That I Have Been Faking Orgasms?

Here’s the letter that inspired this episode:
“Hey guys, I have a situation I’m hoping you can help me with. I am 28, and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He just proposed and I said yes. The problem is, I’ve been faking orgasm for our entire relationship.
If I’m going to marry the guy I want to be honest with him and work on having better sex. How do I tell him I’ve been faking without crushing his ego? Sex feels good but not great.
I can easily have orgasms when I am alone, but with him I usually don’t get all the way there. I’ve had a few orgasms with him, mostly during oral sex. But the rest of the time, I fake to get it over with. Should I tell him?” ~ Meghan

How To Explore Erotic Tease & Denial

Erotic Tease & Denial

Want a new game to heat up your sex life? Try erotic tease & denial! This erotic game is all about creating lots of anticipation and desire through erotic denial. You can explore Tease & Denial for an hour or two or make it part of your erotic lifestyle!

In this episode we explore how to get started with erotic tease & denial, why it is such a hot game for so many people and how to make sure you stay healthy while playing this erotic game.

Female Orgasm During Intercourse

Female Orgasm Before Intercourse

Female orgasm during intercourse is something a lot of couples want to experience. Yet it remains out of reach for most people, with good reason. The reality of female orgasm during intercourse comes down to basic female anatomy.

In our very first episode of the Speaking of Sex Podcast, we answer a question we received from one of our community members.

Laura, like 80% of women, does not experience orgasm during intercourse. She wants to know what she can do to become more orgasmic during intercourse. Should she use herbal aphrodisiacs? Does she need to wait for “the pink pill?”

We offer practical strategies and techniques so she can enjoy more sexual pleasure and become more orgasmic during intercourse.

Want To Have Orgasm During Intercourse?

Discover how in our Foreplay Mastery Online Course


More About Female Orgasm During Intercourse

Many women are concerned about their inability to have orgasms during intercourse. Women have been taught that the ultimate sexual achievement is simultaneous orgasm during intercourse. Sadly, this myth creates a huge amount of needless anxiety and distracts women from their authentic experience of sexual pleasure.

When women focus on having orgasms during intercourse, they are ignoring the basic facts of their sexual anatomy. Here’s the real deal: the clitoris is the centerpiece of the female sexual system, and clitoral stimulation is how most women experience orgasms. The clitoris is the anatomical match to the penis, so just imagine men trying to reach orgasm without touching their penis and you’ll get a sense of how essential clitoral stimulation is to female orgasm!

Read our article about Orgasm During Intercourse at YourTango.com

Master The Skills To Give Women Orgasms During Intercourse:

Foreplay Mastery Online Course

Female Ejaculation

Female Ejaculation

In this episode, we clear up common myths and share the facts about female ejaculation.

Female ejaculation is a normal, healthy expression of female sexuality. For some women it can be highly pleasurable. But it is not a sign of a more “enlightened” sexuality or even more pleasure – it is just one of many kinds of sexual response!

If you want support as you explore female orgasm, arousal and ejaculation, please join our private community! Be part of a fabulous group of men and women from all around the world, having honest and supportive conversations about sex!

What Is Female Ejaculation?

Female Ejaculation is the expulsion of fluid, through the urethra, during female arousal. Female ejaculation may or may not occur at the same time as an orgasm, but normally high levels of arousal are needed to create the female ejaculatory response.

Women who ejaculate often report an intensely pleasurable feeling of release, and a different spectrum of sensations from their non-ejaculatory orgasms. Some women ejaculate almost every time they are highly aroused, other women ejaculate very infrequently.

Amount of ejaculate can vary from a small squirt or trickle to a large gush. The most recent research concludes that ejaculation and gushing are distinct sexual processes. Many women confuse the sensations of ejaculation with urination, mostly because they are unfamiliar with the concept of ejaculation or have been shamed by a previous lover.

Female ejaculation usually happens by stimulating the g-spot, the common name for the female prostate. For complete guidance on g-spot stimulation techniques, check out our Foreplay Mastery Course.

 The Historical Debates over Female Ejaculation

Female Ejaculation has only recently come out of the closet. While first studied by physicians in the 17th century, and documented in Sexology papers ever since, the knowledge and acceptance of female ejaculation was omitted from Western medical practice until very recently.

Meanwhile, many women have been confused and distressed about their own ejaculatory response- in the passions of sex they feel themselves (or their partners notice) a gush of fluid coming from the urethra. Without knowledge of female ejaculation, the natural assumption is that the fluid is urine. Often this triggers a shame response over having “wet the bed,” but perhaps while cleaning those sheets the women noticed that it didn’t smell like urine, and was not yellow like urine.

Just imagine if men did not know about ejaculation, and there was a cultural silence about it. Young boys would be terrified of masturbation, men would be flocking to the doctors for a diagnosis on the strange white substance coming from their urethra.

The Truth About Female Ejaculation and the Female Prostate

In recent years, sex educators have been on a mission to spread information and normalize female ejaculation and the female prostate. Several books, films and websites now feature female ejaculation. The result is more and more women having the aha! moment of realizing all those times they felt the urge to urinate during arousal or all those times they gushed was actually an experience of female ejaculation.

Both the male and female prostate:

* is a gland, located under the bladder, around the urethra.

* produces hormones.

* during arousal, produces fluid. In men, this fluid, along with semen, travels down the urethra and out of the body during ejaculation. In about 10-54% of females, this fluid is pushed out through the urethra.

* responds to direct and indirect stimulation, and can create strong sexual sensations and powerful orgasms.

 The Facts About Female Ejaculation:

* Is not “more enlightened” than other forms of female arousal and pleasure

* Some women love to ejaculate, others find it draining!

* Some women easily ejaculate, others never do!

* To discover how female ejaculation fits into your sexual expression, focus on g-spot stimulation

Recent Studies on Female Ejaculation:

Female Ejaculation Comes In Two Forms (New Scientist)

A 2014 meta analysis of the research on female ejaculation, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, reports that between 10-54% of women experience some form of female ejaculation, where fluid from the female prostate is pushed out through the urethra during arousal. This research also concludes that female ejaculation is a distinct process from the “gushing” and “squirting” orgasms where a large amount of watery fluid is emitted through the urethra. Further research into the chemical composition of the distinct fluids will reveal more about the source and processes of these varieties of female sexual experiences.