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It is very common for one person in a relationship to want sex when the other isn’t in the mood.
Mismatched libidos can quickly turn a relationship sour.
In this episode, we answer a listener’s question about what to do when her husband wants sex and she isn’t up for intercourse.
We offer lots of great strategies for keeping intimacy alive even when intercourse isn’t an option.
Pleasure Mechanics Guides Mentioned In This Episode:
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This episode was originally published in 2013, and updated in 2021 as Speaking of Sex episode #387, Fantasy Vs. Desire
Ever wanted to share a fantasy with your lover, but had no idea how to get the conversation started?
In this podcast, we share the best ways to get your lover to share a sexual fantasy with you.
We start by exploring the crucial difference between a sexual fantasy and a desire, and then offer strategies for getting your lover to open up and share with you. Talking about fantasies and naming desires is an incredibly vulnerable act, but one that can have huge benefits for your relationship and your sex life.
In this episode of our Speaking of Sex podcast, we answer a listener’s question about getting his wife to tell him what she liked about 50 Shades of Grey, but no matter what your literary preferences, you can benefit from being more honest and transparent about your fantasies with your lover.
Prostate massage is a healthy and pleasurable activity that can be enjoyed as part of your intimate life. Quite simply, prostate massage stimulates the prostate with a finger or massage tool with the intention of relaxation and/or pleasure. It is a way of directly stimulating the prostate to create a pleasurable release. The prostate is an essential part of the male sexual system, and plays a role in every ejaculation a male experiences. Prostate stimulation emphasizes the sensations of the prostate, and many men report that it leads to more powerful orgasms and more sexual pleasure.
Not to be confused with a medical prostate exam, or digital rectal exam as it is sometimes called, prostate massage is an intimate skill that can be learned and shared by lovers in the privacy of their own home. Comparing a medical prostate exam to the sexual act of prostate stimulation is a bit like comparing a gynecologist visit to having sex. The same physical acts, in different contexts with different emotional meanings, are completely different experiences.
Many guys enjoy prostate massage as part of a healthy sex life with their partner. You can also explore prostate stimulation as part of masturbation. However you chose to explore it, be assured that enjoying prostate or anal stimulation does not mean you are gay! The prostate is part of the male sexual system, no matter what your orientation. Many straight men are discovering the powerful pleasure potential of the prostate and allowing themselves to enjoy it as part of their sex life.
Learn With Video: The Pleasure Mechanics Guide to Prostate Massage: The #1 Bestselling Video on Prostate Massage
Arousal is the experience of our systems “upregulating” in response to stimulation – for our purposes we will be focusing on sexual arousal, the stimulation in response to pleasurable erotic stimulation (which can be a touch, a sight, even a thought!)
Arousal can be brief or prolonged, sought out or spontaneous. The dictionary definition of “arouse” is “to evoke or awaken.” This definition reminds us that arousal awakens the erotic part of us that is always within us, a part of our very being.
Stimulation from any number of sources can awaken this energy, bringing our attention more fully to our sexuality and desires. Humans can even be aroused by thoughts alone, the memory or an idea of pleasure is enough to stimulate the system and create full body arousal.
Want to build more arousal with. your partner and have more turned-on sex? Our Foreplay Mastery Course has all of the approaches and techniques you’ll need!
One of the most important things to know about arousal is that it is contextual and the overall experience of sexual arousal involves both the gas and the brakes, the things that excite you and that which inhibits your arousal from moving forward. Learn all about this game-changing perspective in Best of Speaking of Sex Episode : AROUSAL : The Dual Control Model
