Pleasure Mechanics

Arousal and Desire

We humans are capable of a wide range of sexual arousal and pleasurable climaxes. Some people like to have one intense climax, others enjoy having a series of orgasms. Some people struggle to have an orgasm at all, while others want to learn to sustain arousal and delay orgasm or ejaculation. With so many possible ways to feel sexual pleasure, it is important to explore a wide range of pleasure responses and be able to experience the kind of arousal and climax you most desire.

People have different sexual goals. Men are often more concerned about trying to prolong arousal and even not ejaculate during arousal, while women are often interested in becoming orgasmic or multi-orgasmic. we can all experience both, and here are some tools to help you experience a wider range of arousal and climax.

To begin paying more attention to your arousal patterns and develop an ability to author your own arousal experiences, it is good to begin with your masturbation practice. This is like a laboratory for your sexual expression. Then you can begin experimenting with a partner.

Erection

A physical response, in which the erectile tissues of the clitoris or penis is engorged with blood and becomes more rigid. Both men and women have erectile tissue in their genitals, both men and women can experience erections. Erection pulls the skin of the genitals more taut around the shaft of the penis or clitoris, exposing more nerve endings and heightening sensation.

Contrary to popular “blue balls” myth, erections can come and go painlessly – and “losing” an erection does not need to end a sexual encounter. Erections are also not an on/off switch – most men experience a range of erectile stages, each with their own pleasures.

Our cultural obsession with erectile disorder has the uninvited effect of making many men ashamed of becoming less erect, even if they are highly aroused. This sometimes ends sexual encounters prematurely, shaming both partners and causing resentment. Embracing all stages of erection – including the aroused but not erect penis- can greatly extend sexual pleasure and take the pressure off men to be constantly hard when aroused.

To learn more about how to maintain and erection and control ejaculation, get a complete guided tour of erotic anatomy with sex therapist Cyndi Darnell’s Atlas of Erotic Anatomy*

* please note some links on this page are affiliate links, and if you choose to make a purchase we will receive a small percentage as thanks for the referral. We only link to resources we know, trust and love!

How To Get an Erection

Q: I feel mis-informed about erections and arousal.   There are times when I am aroused about sex but not hard.  Is that normal?

A: Men are taught that arousal and erection are a package deal, just like orgasm and ejaculation. To enjoy more sexual pleasure and erotic freedom, it is essential to dismantle this myth and understand these events to be complementary experiences that may come in any combination.

Get a complete guided tour of erotic anatomy with sex therapist Cyndi Darnell’s Atlas of Erotic Anatomy*. 

We have a whole book dedicated to how to separate ejaculation from orgasm so you can enjoy prolonged arousal and multiple orgasms, and you can find it as just one of the resources in our most popular online sex course for couples. 

Erections and arousal are a bit of a trickier subject.

It is perfectly normal for a man to feel aroused and not be erect. Arousal is a full-body experience and you can be highly aroused without getting an erection. If it is not getting in the way of your sexual experience, and you experience full erections some of the time, it probably is not something you need to worry about. There is so much you can enjoy with your partner without an erection, and broadening your sexual repertoire is always a good idea.

If you are never getting fully erect, or your lack of erection is getting in the way of enjoying a satisfying sexual experience, there are ways to explore how to get a stronger erection.

The first check-in is with your overall health. Obesity, diabetes, heart disease and pharmaceuticals can have a major impact on how erect you get. One of the best motivations for getting in better shape is the impact on your sex life. If you are out of shape, explore the possibility of whipping yourself into shape and your sex life will benefit. If you suspect your health is getting in the way of your sexual function, it may be worth having a conversation with a doctor to get their professional recommendations.

The next thing to tackle is your stress levels. Stress has a huge impact on arousal and erections. The body needs to flip into the parasympathetic mode before an erection can occur, so if you are chronically stressed you may be short circuiting your body’s ability to get erect and feel more pleasure. Read more about stress and arousal here.

The third line of attacking for exploring how to get stronger erections is tackling pelvic tension. Most of us carry a great deal of muscular tension in the muscles of our pelvis. This physically limits the amount of blood flow to your genitals and can block erections. This is true for both men and women, it is just more visible on men who are noticing weaker erections. Our favorite form of relieving pelvic tension is butt massage – by tackling the big muscles of the buttocks you can release a lot of tension and get way more blood flowing to the genitals. It is our #1 recommendation for relaxing foreplay. You can also try perineum massage, which tackles tension at the nexus of muscles found at the perineum. We think it is so important we included our stroke-by-stroke guide to perineal massage in both our Foreplay Mastery Course and  Prostate Massage Online Course, so pick up either one of those video guides to learn how to do deep massage at the perineum and get more blood flowing to  your penis.

Again, if you are experiencing full erections some of the time and have a sex life that is fulfilling to you and your lover, there is nothing to worry about when you sometimes feel aroused without an erection. Enjoy the full body sensations of arousal, including stimulating your soft penis and notice how much pleasure is available to you. If you are never experiencing a full erection, explore the suggestions above about how to get an erection and pay attention to your erections as a sign of your overall physical health.

Cheers!

Chris and Charlotte, The Pleasure Mechanics

* please note some links on this page are affiliate links, and if you choose to make a purchase we will receive a small percentage as thanks for the referral. We only link to resources we know, trust and love!

Erotic Spanking

SpankingDVDcovermedErotic spanking is one of the most common sexual fantasies for both men and women alike. It is a very primal activity that is both physically and emotionally stimulating.

Spanking can be part of a an erotic power exchange, where one partner is erotically dominating the other, more submissive partner. Separate from the power dynamics, many people enjoy erotic spanking simply because it feels good. A good spanking can be incredibly arousing and invigorating. The level of power play you bring to your experience is up to you.

Everything you need to know to enjoy erotic spanking is in our online course: Erotic Spanking Mastery.  We guide you in the skills of giving and receiving erotic spanking: how to fully warm-up and prepare your lover, basic spanking techniques, strategies to build intensity, getting to a big climax, and how to enjoy the delicious afterglow.

 

Here is a list of some of the more common reasons people enjoy spanking, though we are sure you could add one or two of your own. Note the different parts of sensation – some people love the impact, others the afterglow. It helps to be specific about why you like something (sometimes you only know this after you’ve experienced it a few times) – being specific allows you to create experiences that are the most fulfilling and satisfying for you and your lover!

Erotic Spanking

Top 10 Reasons People Love Erotic Spanking



• Sensations of Spanking

• Sensations Spanking Creates in Genitals

• Sensations After Spanking

• Emotional Experience of Vulnerability

• Getting High on Endorphins

• Attention on Ass

• Warmth and Color of Reddened Cheeks

• Creating Extreme Anticipation and Desire

• Feeling of Power and/ or Control

• Form of Erotic Tease

Get the full, blow-by-blow guide to erotic spanking: The Pleasure Mechanics Guide to Erotic Spanking

Erotic Videos

The Pleasure Mechanics Erotic Touch Video Guides offer stroke-by-stroke lessons in touching your lover’s most sensitive parts for maximum pleasure and powerful orgasms. All techniques are demonstrated on lifelike replicas so you can learn explicit techniques without pornography.

“These are the best how-to videos on sex that we have ever seen.
They are great for couples.”

– Paul Joannides, Guide to Getting It On, 7th edition

 The Erotic Touch Series are now part of our online courses:

Any Questions? Be in touch and Ask Us Anything!