Articles — Page 75 — Pleasure Mechanics

Sex Toys For Anal Sex

toys

Want to add sex toys to anal sex? You are not alone! Many people use toys for solo anal sex or to enhance partnered anal sex play.

Sex toys can add variety and range to your backdoor play. But to play safely, you must use the right toys for the job. Here’s our guide to sex toy safety and links to explore our favorite toys and find your own favorites.

Anal Play Toy Safety

You can use any vibrator on the external anal area, and enjoy exploring the range of buzzy sensations you can create. But NEVER insert anything into the anus unless it is specifically designed for anal insertion. This means it will have smooth contours, be made of body safe materials and feature a flared base. If you need convincing, google “items lost in rectum” for some eye-opening images.

Unlike the vagina, the rectum doesn’t have a built in ending and the contractions of orgasm tend to pull things deeper into the rectum. So if you are interested in inserting anything other than your fingers or a penis into the anus, get toys designed just for that purpose! Here are some of our favorites, and the websites we link to carry a wide selection of toys you can explore!

Safer Sex Supplies:

Black Nitrile Gloves are way sexier than the ones you’ll find at the drugstore!

* SheVibe.com has a wide selection of condoms *

Choose a high quality water based or silicone based lube

Butt Plugs:

Butt plugs are designed to be inserted and then left in place. You can wiggle them a bit, but the real pleasure comes from the sensation of fullness they create. They can be worn during other kinds of sex play or even while you are going about your day! Start with a small butt plug and work your way up to larger sizes.

Anal Bead Like Items:

Traditional anal beads aren’t great – they used to be made of hard plastic and weren’t easy to clean. Thankfully, today’s sophisticated sex toy companies have updated this toy. These toys feature several insertables that slowly increase in size. Insert them and then (perhaps at the moment of climax!) gently tug on them for a ripple of sensation as they slide out of your body. *Check out SheVibe’s wonderful range of bead like toys here*

Prostate Massagers:

These toys are designed to hit the male prostate but can be used by anyone for fun anal penetration play. Some vibrate, others are designed for rocking manually. Check out a wide range of prostate massagers here.

Strap On Toys:

*Check out the extensive line of sexy strap on toys at SheVibe*

* please note some links on this page are affiliate links, and if you choose to make a purchase we will receive a small percentage as thanks for the referral. We only link to resources we know, trust and love!

How Guys Can Feel Sexier

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Most guys want to feel sexier – but without the obvious shortcuts like lingerie or high heels, how can guys start to feel more swagger in their step? We share our thoughts on sexy clothes for guys, how to find your erotic archetype and what sexy men have in common. Then we focus on how to feel more desired by your partner, especially in long term relationships. This is a sex advice podcast you don’t want to miss.

Here is the listener question that inspired this podcast. Have your own question for future episodes? Get in touch by clicking here!

Hi Pleasure Mechanics,

Firstly, thanks for the great podcast. I’ve been listening to it for a couple of years now and it’s been really insightful.

I have a question about feeling sexy and how to show it outwardly. When I look at fashion I feel that it’s easier for a woman to show off her body and feel sexy because of it. They can wear short skirts, low cut tops, lingerie, makeup, a range of dresses and tops and shoes, high heels etc. Of course this does come loaded with social pressures and pandering to the male gaze, but let me put that aside for one moment.

On the male side of fashion I don’t feel there’s the same kind of seductive clothing available. When I see “sexy” males they’re either posing topless or in their underwear for a magazine shoot or they’re handsome men wearing suits. Whilst I get that looking handsome can be sexy it got me wondering, where is the male equivalent of lingerie, of short skits, revealing dresses? What can I wear that would excite my partner the same way that that clothing excites me.

Generally I just want to feel sexy. I already go the gym, and put some effort into how I look. I’m not bulging at the seams with muscles and I’m not wearing designer clothing but I do make an effort to at least look presentable.

I think part of this problem might come from my current relationship. I think my partner would agree that I’m the more tactile of the two of us. I’m nearly always the first to go in to hold hands, hug, kiss and I initiate sex most of the time and definitely lead on what we do during sex. Outside of the bedroom I’m always the one to go in for a thigh caress, breast fondle, neck kiss or just generally feeling her skin.

I’d like to have this same kind of attention. I want to feel like they can’t wait to rip my clothes off or just need to stop everything and kiss me. And, perhaps importantly, I want this to happen outside of the bedroom.

I have already communicated this to her and there has been some progress. I get that there are no easy quick fixes so I’m wondering what i can do to keep the momentum going.
Thanks for any help you can give!

Sexy Gift Guide

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Want the perfect sexy gift for Valentine’s Day, an anniversary or birthday? Here’s our guide on giving a gift your lover will adore – by getting clear on what they specifically like to receive. Some people want a great new sex toy. Others would prefer quality time together. For some people, nothing beats an honest love letter. For others, acts of service are the best gifts you can give.

In this podcast episode we start by reviewing Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages – a framework that helps you understand how your lover best receives love.

Then, we turn our attention to sex toys and give our top recommendations- from vibrators to BDSM toys.

Of course, one of the best gifts you can give is a lifetime of better sex. Our online courses offer you the opportunity to master new erotic skills – from Couples Massage to Foreplay to Erotic Spanking. Give a course to your lover so you can explore together or study up on your own and then surprise them with the sexy gift of your fabulous new skills!

No matter the occasion, giving a great gift is one way to express love and add romance to your relationship.

Here’s your sexy gift guide with links to the resources and toys mentioned on the episode!

Sometimes the best gift is an investment in getting support. If you are struggling with an erotic roadblock, the comprehensive courses from therapist Vanessa Marin are our go-to referral for effective tools for transformation. Check out Finishing School to learn how to orgasm alone or with a partner. Our guys have loved her Modern Man’s Guide to overcoming performance anxiety and we regularly send couples to The Passion Project for tools to balance mismatched libidos.

While Vanessa Marin offers deep dives for the most common struggles, if you are already in a pretty good relational space and ready to just play more and get creative together, you can get your inbox absolutely stuffed with enticing options with her 30 Day Sex Challenge!

Browse the curated selection of pleasure toys at SheVibe.com

Some of these links allow us to earn a small commission on toys you purchase. We never recommend anything we don’t use and love ourselves. Shopping through these links supports Pleasure Mechanics. Thanks!

Taboo Sexual Fantasies – Where’s The Line?

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Taboo Sexual Fantasies - Where's The Line?

Ever have fantasies that worry you? Or wonder if your fantasies are healthy? We all do. Here’s our take on taboo fantasies.

It is essential to know the difference between sexual fantasy and desire. Fantasy is the realm of pure imagination, where anything is possible and you can do our be anything that turns you on. Desire is what you want more of in your real life. The human brain loves fantasy and imagination, and we can experience very real thrills simply by thinking about something. Think about the thrills of going to an action movie – you’d never want to be in an exploding building in real life, but it can be fun and cathartic to be in the fantasy of it while safely in your seat.

So are there any boundaries when it comes to sexual fantasy? Are there any fantasies that should be off limits? Where does sex positive ethics draw the line?

In this podcast episode (click the play button at the top of the page to start listening) we discuss the ethics of sexual fantasy. We tackle:

Taboo fantasies – where is the line between racy and worrisome?
The truth about the 3 most taboo fantasies: rape, incest and youth
How fantasies affect our bodies and brains
The intersection of mental illness and sexuality
How to navigate sexual shame and hold yourself accountable

If you have ever been troubled by your sexual fantasies, this episode is for you!

Explore over 200 podcast episodes here or find your favorite topics in our Sex Index
Have a question you want covered on a future episode? Be in touch by clicking here.

Does Being Selfish In Bed Make Sex Better?

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Is asking for sex selfish? What makes someone a selfish lover? And when is being a little selfish a good thing?

This email reminded me of a study I had once seen, a study that triggered headlines like “Being Selfish Makes You Good In Bed” and “Selfish Lovers Are The Happiest.” The study (which you can read here) used the term “self focused” rather than selfish, and reported that people who had high levels of sexual self focus were not only more sexually satisfied, but also had more satisfied lovers.

So what is the difference between being selfish in bed and having a positive self focus? In this podcast episode (click the play button at the top of the page to start listening!) we get to the roots of our fear of being sexually selfish and encourage instead a positive attitude of sexual self focus.

Sexually Selfish: Focuses only on own pleasure, without regard to partner’s experience or feelings

Sexually Self Focused: Focuses simultaneously on own experience and partner’s feelings, with the goal of mutually pleasurable, consensual and satisfying sex.

Sexually Selfish: Initiates sex with and agenda for a specific outcome

Sexually Self Focused: Initiates sex without an agenda, allowing the intimate moment to be an authentic expression of both partner’s needs and wants.

Sexually Selfish: Takes sexual refusal personally and holds grudges about being rejected

Sexually Self Focused: Knows refusal isn’t always personal and can feel hurt without holding grudges or punishing partner

Sexually Selfish: Expects partners to magically know what they want and perform accordingly

Sexually Self Focused: Can communicate clearly about desires, preferences and requests to give their partner the gift of being a satisfying lover

Here is the email that inspired this podcast episode. You can be in touch to suggest topics or ask questions by clicking here.

Dear Pleasure Mechanics,

Thank you for your podcast and all you do. Listening has been great for my attitudes about sex (recovering catholic here!) I have a question for you, something that has been bothering me for the ten plus years of my marriage. I seem to have a higher libido than my wife, and struggle with the ethics of initiating sex. Once we get started she enjoys sex and I focus a lot of time on her pleasure (even more now thanks to your advice) but she never initiates. When I do, i feel like I am being selfish, like I am pushing my own agenda on her. And, once we are in bed, I feel selfish if I ever take a moment to really just enjoy sex, like when she is giving me oral sex I feel like I need to do something to make her feel good. Is this normal? Basically, i want to be a good husband and respect her, but if I never initiated we’d never end up in bed. Is it selfish of me to ask for sex when I want it? Thanks, Dan