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We can all learn more about how to enjoy sex by listening to the voices of people with disabilities. In this episode, Disability Awareness Consultant Andrew Gurza helps us shed light on the myths about sexuality and disability that limit our understanding and compassion.
To learn more about Andrew Gurza’s work and listen to his podcasts, go to AndrewGurza.com
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Have you ever felt high from sex? That altered state of consciousness that comes from sex is sometimes described as “erotic trance.”
Erotic trance is a life changing experience. It can create a deep peaceful meditation or ecstatic states of pleasure. It can be a profoundly bonding experience between you and your lover, or a solo state of bliss.
We all crave the kind of sex that transports us to new dimensions of awareness. On this podcast, after sharing an article from New York Magazine about erotic trance, we offer strategies on how to purposefully cultivate the kind of sex that takes us to new realms of consciousness.
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If you want to last longer in bed and prolong intercourse, you can learn ejaculation control and how to separate orgasm from ejaculation. If not, the refractory period will limit just how long intercourse can last. But if you don’t stay hard as long as you want to or experience premature ejaculation, you can get creative and explore alternative ways to prolong the pleasure of intercourse, with or without an erection.
In this episode, we cover the ins and outs of prolonging intercourse, including:
This episode was inspired by an email sent in from a listener. Have a question you want answered? Be in touch!
Here’s the original email:
Back story our first 2 years together we’re amazing sex 2-3 times a day. What some would say the honeymoon phase, she would give me oral and just wanted sex all the time.
But somehow the last 2 years we have faded away from each other. There was a time where she wanted to and I just didn’t, I can not recall if it was due to working to much or financial issue that effect my sex drive. So having to turn her down many time she lost the drive, also she has went through a depression stage in her life having lost her job , she was in a dark hole for a while.
We almost broke up last year but have both agreed we need to work things out. We have finally slowly pulled her out of depression and things are getting much better. She is slowly wanting to have sex more often, before she just never had the desire to.
So my question is how do I build up her sex drive like before? Also I saw she told her friend that she just wants to be fucked. But having not had sex for so long consistently, I am having trouble lasting. These days i may only last 10 min which really affect my self image knowing that I can please her and “fuck her”. My time is slowly increasing I notice if I focus on pleasuring her I can last longer.
I recently gave her a full body massage then a yoni massage and was able to get her to multiple orgasms with g spot and clit stimulation. After that she wanted sex and then i notice I was able to last a little longer since I didn’t have anxiety to last long enough to get her to orgasm.
I am all into “fucking her” but that style/type really turns me on therefore I can’t last long. She loves getting bent over and she can actually get a orgasms from that position but The thing is I can’t last that long I get too aroused. She also hates when I have to stop or pull out to take a break.
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Feel shy when it comes to talking about sex? Communication is essential for a great sex life, but not all of us love to chat about our deepest desires. Here are a few alternative ways to share your fantasies, express your desires and communicate your wishes.
From writing your own erotica to keeping a shared sex diary, from listening to dirty stories to keeping an anonymous blog of images, there are many creative ways to share your sexual fantasies. Find a method that works best for you and start getting more authentic in the bedroom!
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What turns you on? What REALLY turns you on?
We all have a unique constellation of things that arouse us – some expected and some very surprising. If we can let go of shame and cultural baggage around our arousal patterns, we are freed up to be much more authentic and have way more fun in bed.
In this episode, we explore the vast galaxy of sexual fetishes to reveal we all have something that is strangely erotic, and embracing our fetishes is key to having a fun, playful sex life.
A fetish is any object or situation that creates a spike of arousal for you. No one knows why people develop particular fetishes. It is not because of childhood events, nor is it a disorder of any kind. Fetishes are just a quirk of human sexuality. Some of us develop very strong arousal patterns to things that may or may not be arousing at all to other people.
People often want to know where fetishes come from. No one knows the answer to this question. Some report childhood incidents of highly charged emotions, but others have no idea where their fetish got started. Why do we need to know? Does it help alleviate shame? Perhaps it is more fun to revel in the mystery and quirkiness of fetishes.
Kinky sex can involve fetishes, but if you don’t have a fetish there is no need to seek one out. Rather, you can let yourself be curious about the world of fetishes and be open to unexpected turn-ons.
If, however, you have a fetish that you fantasize about but have never experienced with your partner, it is worth talking about it and exploring the possibility of integrating your fetish(es) into your sex play together.
Here are just a few of the infinite array of fetishes:
Now, take a deep breath. We’re going to ask you to disclose one or more fetishes to one another. Remember all that we learned about non-judgemental communication. Just because one of you is interested in a particular fetish doesn’t mean you have to explore it together. Instead, think of it as a potential ingredient in your sexual pantry. Some ingredients, like sugar and flour, you may reach for frequently. Others are specialty ingredients that you may only use once a year. If one of you is interested and the other is turned off by the idea, it can be part of your fantasy life alone.
Ok, now one at a time, reveal something in your “interested ” or “very interested” list. Then give your partner time to respond. You may not know WHY you find something sexy. This is part of something being a fetish – it is hard to know why it turns you on! Instead, ask the following questions:
* Is there a specific way you’d like to explore this fetish?
* How do you see this fitting into our sex life? (Many people worry that it will have to be part of sex every time and thus they’ll lose the sex they know and love)
* What kinds of fantasies do you have about this fetish?
* If your partner is turned off by this fetish, is there any version of it they would be open to exploring?
For example, if he reveals that he has a foot fetish (one of the most common fetishes) your conversation can explore exactly how you want to play with it. Here are some varieties of how this might go:
* I get really turned on when you wear high heels, would you consider wearing them more often while we have sex?
* Are you open to having your feet touched during sex?
* You can touch my feet, but I don’t know how I feel about toe sucking. Can we start with a foot massage and see how it feels to make that part of our play?
* I really want to submit to you, while you are wearing boots, and want you to order me to lick your shoes and grovel at your feet. Then I want you to step on my chest while ordering me to jerk off for you
* I love seeing your feet while we fuck. Can we explore positions where you put your feet up on my chest so I can look at them, touch them and kiss your toes while fucking you?
Ultimately, getting honest about your fetishes and erotic preferences will help you have a more joyful, fulfilling sex life. If you are ready to dive in an explore kinky sex, check out our Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course.