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On this special edition of Speaking of Sex, we present Part One of our audio miniseries, The Art of Erotic Spanking. This podcast miniseries is the companion to our new video guide, The Pleasure Mechanics Guide to Erotic Spanking.

Erotic spanking can be a hot, fulfilling addition to your sex life. This episode explores the Top Ten Reasons to Love Erotic Spanking: from the physical pleasures of spanking to the emotional vulnerability of sharing spanking with your lover.

You may be thinking that erotic spanking isn’t for you. In our culture we often think about spanking as a form of BDSM, punishment or something only “kinky” people do. But erotic spanking can be a pleasurable experience for everyone. It can range from a gentle form of massage to an intense, rough erotic experience. Approached as a form of erotic stimulation, erotic spanking makes sense as an addition to your sex life to expand sensations, increase intimacy and elevate your sex life.

 

Check out The Art of Erotic Spanking for the complete audio series. Or, subscribe on iTunes!

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All sex therapists and sex educators agree: communication is everything! But how do you actually communicate for better sex? In this episode we dive into how to communicate with your lover for maximum pleasure. We cover communication before, during and after an erotic spanking experience.

Before a spanking, it is all about communicating about exactly what kind of spanking you want. We cover this in depth in Part 2 of this Art of Erotic Spanking podcast series, so be sure to check that out for a complete guide on getting the erotic spanking you desire. In this episode we guide you in maximizing communication before a spanking, and how to time your negotiations so your erotic spanking can still feel spontaneous.

Communicating during a spanking is both verbal and non-verbal. Discover how to set safewords so you can go deep into your erotic spanking experience while having a clear way to slow down or stop the spanking if you need to. We share how to express yourself with your body language, noise and breath so you can communicate with and without words during your erotic spanking!

Communicating after a spanking will allow you to make your sex life better and better. We share questions to ask your lover after a spanking to learn what worked best and what could be better next time!

Clear communication is the difference between a mediocre spanking experience and making erotic spanking a hot, fulfilling part of your sex life. This episode provides essential communication techniques so you can fully enjoy the pleasures of erotic spanking.

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Erotic spanking can be an incredibly arousing experience. This episode explores why it is so arousing, both physically and emotionally, and how to maximize the arousal in your erotic spanking experience.

To master the skills of Erotic Spanking, enroll in our online course, Erotic Spanking Mastery. 

Sex & Spanking: Who Likes Erotic Spanking?

We are going to go out on a limb here and say almost EVERYONE likes spanking. We have yet to talk to someone who upon (friendly!) interrogation won’t admit that a well-timed, well-placed, well-calibrated slap on the ass during sex feels amazing. No matter if you have experienced a full over-the-knee spanking or ever want to, some sort of spank on the butt during arousal feels good to almost everyone.

Here’s why: the butt is part of everyone’s sexual system. Male and Female, All Orientations, We All Have Butts. The butt (and all pelvic) muscles are some of the most important in the human body for overall posture, movement and comfort. Most of us have chronic tension in our butts that needs to be relaxed.

Spanking is an effective form of butt massage (one of our favorite kinds of massage, included in our Couples Massage Mastery course) because spanking is a form of percussion, which is a massage technique at heart. By striking the flesh, you create a vibration wave that ripples through the muscle and bounces off the bones. Each of these moments of impact has the potential to relieve muscular tension. Some of the techniques we will show you are specifically designed to relieve muscular tension and relax the butt muscles. Each spank creates a wave of vibrations that ripples through all the butt muscles and into the genital tissues. The muscles bounce off the bones, the genitals are stimulated, and all of the nerve endings are firing with every impact. A good spanking literally shakes up the muscles of the pelvis, relaxes pelvic tension and creates pleasurable stimulation throughout the pelvis, including the entire sexual system.

Spanking also floods the pelvis with fresh blood flow – making all kinds of erotic stimulation more pleasurable. Most people report that genital and/or anal stimulation after spanking is more intense, more vivid, more arousing. Remember, blood flow is essential for both sensitivity and to the engorgement of erectile tissues of the genitals. So more blood flow creates more arousal, plain and simple.

Some people find spanking sexy for the taboo thrill of it. There are a lot of role playing games that include spanking – from Teacher/student, Parent/child, Boss/ secretary, naughty school boys and girls, and on and on. . . Spanking has been part of our cultural experience, no matter if we were spanked as children or not. Spanking is a pretty universal form of punishment and thus is erotic for some people.

There is a debate about whether or not being spanked as a child makes it more likely it will be eroticized later in life. Some people believe that spanking a child will hardwire the excitement, fear and humiliation into the body’s physical responses. Other people believe that the pain and humiliation experienced during childhood spankings will make it less likely that spanking could be pleasurable later on in life. We think it probably goes both ways – we’ve met plenty of people that love spanking even though they were never spanked as children, and have met folks who can pinpoint the moment in their childhood where spanking became an exciting fantasy. We are firmly against spanking children, by the way, and think erotic spanking has nothing to do with the physical discipline of children. But if you were spanked as a kid, it is up to you to figure out what relationship that has with your current fantasies. Really, there is nothing to be done with this information – your sexuality is yours to enjoy as a consenting adult. But if spanking brings up intense emotional responses that are related to something you experienced as a child, it may be worth exploring this with a therapist to make sure you are experiencing your sexuality on your own terms.

Spanking also appears in a lot of movies and many people first started fantasizing about spanking after seeing a dramatic depiction of a spanking on tv or in the theater. Sex & Spanking are tied together in our cultural imagination. Seeing an intense physical act like spanking played out in a movie can leave a lasting impression and set the stage for a lifetime of fantasies.

Receiving spanking can be enjoyable just because it forces us to occupy our erotic body in new ways. Spanking invites you to pay close attention to your ass, the sensations rippling through your genitals, the heat of your skin. Delicious. You might find yourself waving your ass around in the air, asking for the next blow, quivering with pleasure. These new sensations can be absolutely thrilling, and over time you can bring this new freedom into other parts of your sex life.

Some people love the combination of sex &  spanking while others like to focus on one kind of sensation at a time. Try different combinations and see what you discover.

Ultimately, spanking can be highly erotic for some people for reasons they don’t need to understand to enjoy. Why spanking turns so many people on is a combination of the sheer physical pleasure and thrill of it combined with the intense emotional and power dynamics of the act. Whatever constellation of reasons you find spanking to be sexually exciting, you are certainly not alone and we don’t think you need to understand why in order to simply enjoy it. What we do know is that once someone gets excited about spanking, the fantasy is usually very persistent and it is very much worth exploring your desire for spanking as part of your adult sex life.

Before you even start thinking about planning your next spanking experience, try having a conversation with your lover about what you both find hot about spanking. What specific elements of a spanking scenario are exciting to you? If you fantasize about spanking, what do those fantasies look like? Try to identify the specific elements that you find hot and articulate your desire to your lover. This isn’t always easy, but highly increases the chances that you will get what you want out of your erotic spanking experience.

Ready to explore the thrills of erotic spanking?

Enroll in our online course, Erotic Spanking Mastery and get started tonight!