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Prioritize Pleasure

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Since 2006, we’ve been The Pleasure Mechanics, dedicated full time to exploring the power of pleasure, intimacy, joy and connection. It’s been our mission to remember the role of pleasure in our human experience and the creative, generative, healing force of eroticism.

Here’s just some of what we believe about pleasure. Ready to explore with us? Start here.

Thanks to our episode sponsors for being part of our global team of Pleasure Partners:

  • DipseaStories : Explore an audio library of immersive erotic soundscapes, explicit stories and more. Use code PLEASURE for 30 day free trial

Feeling guilty about making time for pleasure?

Pleasure is often thought about as being selfish, greedy, or hedonistic. We believe in making Pleasure a Priority.

Pleasure does not just happen to us – we must actively choose to cultivate pleasure in our individual lives and in our relationships.

Pleasure is healthy, makes us feel happier, more alive, and gives us energy to fuel our days.

We believe that being fulfilled with pleasure makes us better partners, parents, friends and coworkers.

10 Ways Pleasure Can Save Your Life

Here’s a transcript of a live talk we gave in about 2009 about “10 Ways Pleasure Can Save Your Life”

And, we believe Pleasure can SAVE your life. Literally. Here are 10 reasons why:

#10 – The autonomic nervous system controls the heart, the smooth muscles around your organs, and your glands. There are two modes – Sympathetic and Parasympathetic – Stress and Pleasure. Many adults stay stuck in the stress mode, which has devastating impact on your health. Experiencing pleasure counteracts the impact of stress and gives your body the chance to heal.

#9 – Pleasure is essential for your heart health. Pleasure activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the heart rate, lowers blood pressure and stimulates production of healthy hormones that are highly beneficial to heart health. 

#8 – Every experience of pleasure activates your immune system, providing a measurable and enduring boost to your body’s natural defenses. A single moment of pleasure can boost your immune response for up to 6 hours.

#7 – Pleasurable touch creates a positive upswing in our entire system. When you are touched or cuddled, your blood chemistry can change in as little as one millionth of a second – the brain instantly responds to pleasurable touch with a flood of endorphins.

#6 – Experiencing pleasure can help us feel loved. Feeling loved and emotionally secure is essential for the overall health of mammals. Study after study shows that emotional bonds and physical contact allow mammals to thrive. Studies with infants have shown that touch and love are biological needs on par with food and water. Adults also need touch to thrive – try exchanging more couples massage at home and notice the profound difference it can make in your life! 

#5 – The first five ways pleasure can save your life are all about the physical health benefits of pleasure. These health benefits should not be underestimated – more and more medical studies are confirming that pleasure, relaxation and love may be the best cure for what ails us. But we all know that quality of life is measured by much more than physical health. Pleasure is what makes our lives worth living, giving us a sense of purpose and direction. Pleasure can be a strong motivator for altruism and generosity.

#4 – Many long-term relationships and marriages end because of a lack of pleasure. Most love relationships prioritize shared pleasure in the beginning, but over the years, stress, responsibilities and duties tend to eclipse pleasure. By creating a culture of pleasure in relationships, and making it a priority to share pleasure in all forms, long term relationships can thrive.

#3 – We believe that being in tune with your authentic desires and pleasure leads to a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction with your life. A lack of fulfilling pleasure can lead to resent and regret – the toxic twins that can make you feel like you wasted time, or lived a life of someone else’s making.

#2 – We all have a unique constellation of pleasures. Our pleasures and desires are part of what makes us who we are, and we often establish our communities around shared pleasures. Paying attention to what gives you pleasure will allow you to know yourself, and build more meaningful relationships and communities.

#1 – What are you truly passionate about? What kind of pleasure lights you up, make you feel completely alive?  By locating peak moments of pleasure from our past and paying attention to new passions as they emerge, we can choose to live a more passionate life.

Making pleasure a priority can bring your body back into balance, counteracting the deadly effects of stress, and may literally save your life.

And, pleasure will make you happier and more fulfilled – so you can be sure that the life you save is worth living.

Ready to start making pleasure a priority? Let’s get started.

Cheers

Thanks for helping us serve you better by letting us know what you want.

Rethinking Valentine’s Day

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Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day rolls around every year – as some version has for over 2500 years! With it’s roots in pagan fertility festivals and it’s future as a multi-day festival celebrating all kinds of love, Valentine’s Day is here to stay. So it is time to rethink Valentine’s Day, again!

In this episode of Speaking of Sex with The Pleasure Mechanics, your hosts Chris and Charlotte break down the epic, sometimes bloody, history of Valentine’s Day and talk about how we can all rethink, reclaim and realign Valentine’s Day to meet our current needs for celebrating love, intimacy and, perhaps, carnal thrill.

For the full resource guide to this episode, visit PleasureMechanics.com/Vday

Celebrate and explore pleasure, love and joy with us year round by joining our global community of over 10,000 Pleasure Seekers – enroll in our free online course The Erotic Essentials to get started.

VDay Weekend Immersion

Join us for a decadent weekend immersion into your authentic erotic self – in a warm, welcoming group experience! February 14-16 in Kingston NY

Enroll Now for early bird tickets!

Together, we’ll explore:

  • Tuning into your felt sense & inner knowing 
  • Activating your imagination & following your curiosity
  • Getting specific about your Needs, Wants & Desires
  • Expressing your erotic agency, in your own way
  • Giving & Receiving exquisite touch

A clothes on, hands-on experience for individuals in a collective group experience. 

No required pairing / partnered exercises – solo, small group and communal practices with many options for participation! 

Cocktail party on Friday, Light breakfast & decadent afternoon lunch feast on Saturday & Sunday brunch provided!

Enroll Now for early bird tickets!


Valentine’s Day can be an epic celebration of love, romance, eroticism and intimacy. Or it can be the pinnacle of disappointment and alienation. Much depends on how we look at it, what we choose to honor and how we choose to celebrate.

On this page you’ll find resources to celebrate the full range of love, romance, intimacy, eroticism and thrill that this holiday can hold. You’ll find interactive experiences, podcasts to tune into, conversation starters and deep dives into some our favorite online courses.

We love you. Thanks for being here with us, in our year round exploration of pleasure, joy and connection. Join our free online course, The Erotic Essentials, and become part of our global community of over 16,500 Pleasure Seekers!

For Couples Ready To Connect & Deepen Their Love

  • Enroll: Erotic Touch Online Courses: Full Body Erotic Massage, Foreplay & Mindful Sex
  • Listen: How To Be More Romantic & more episodes on romance and long term relationships

For Everyone Ready To Feel More Pleasure & Joy

  • Explore: Think about your Pleasure Constellations and what joy you want to pay more attention to in the coming year, then buy yourself a small gift to anchor that intention.
  • Gift: Get yourself a new toy and fresh bottle of lube or massage oil from our friends at SheVibe
  • Talk: Here are over 50 great questions to get the conversation started or to explore through journaling!
  • Listen:

For When You Are Ready For The Thrills Of Kink

  • Dive In: Your Next Erotic Adventure : Take your first steps into the thrills of kink, with our online course featuring 25 guided date nights

2500 Years Of VDAY: From Lupercalia to Galentine’s Day & Beyond!

More On The History Of Valentine’s Day, St. Valentine and The Festival of Lupercalia

  • Rome & The Origins of the Roman Festival Lupercalia
  • Why Does the Heart Shape Symbolize Love?
  • The Dark Origins Of Valentine’s Day
  • Valentine’s Day: A History of Naked Romans, Paganism and Whips!
  • The Rude, Cruel, and Insulting ‘Vinegar Valentines’ of the Victorian Era
  • Nothing Says ‘I Hate You’ Like a ‘Vinegar Valentine’
  • Some Top Tips for Valentine’s Day … from Medieval Lovers
  • Valentine’s Day in the Victorian Era – 5-Minute History

Resources For Modern Interpretations and Reclamations of Valentine’s Day

  • VDay : Until The Violence Stops
  • Galentine’s Day : Atlantic Article on How Galentine’s Day Started

How do YOU want to celebrate this mid-February festival time?

What aspects of love, pleasure or eroticism are you ready to devote yourself to right now?

Explore with us all year round by enrolling in our free online course, The Erotic Essentials!

* please note some links on this page are affiliate links, and if you choose to make a purchase we will receive a small percentage as thanks for the referral. We only link to resources we know, trust and love!

Let’s Talk About Sex

50+ Free Sex Questions and Conversation Starters For Intimate Conversations from PleasureMechanics.com

Questions About Growing Up & Learning About Sex

  • Where did you learn about sex when you were a kid?
  • What were you taught about masturbation as a child?
  • Who was one of your first celebrity crushes? What attracted you to them?
  • What is something you believed as a kid that you now know is a myth?
  • What were you taught about love and marriage?
  • Who were the happiest adults you knew as a kid?
  • How did your family talk about LGBTQ+ issues?
  • Have you ever been to or been in a pride parade?
  • Who was one of the first queer people you met?
  • How did your family deal with conflict? What did repair look like?
  • What big emotions were safe in your family? Which were not allowed?
  • What were some of your first sexual experiences? Were they wanted?
  • Who did you talk to about your first sexual experiences? How did they respond, and how did their response impact you?
  • If you could go back and tell your 6 year old self anything, what would you say?

Questions About Sexuality, Culture & Identity

  • What do you think an ideal sex culture would look like?
  • Why do you think sexuality has been oppressed over history?
  • Do you think humans are meant to be monogamous? Why or why not?
  • What words do you use to describe your gender identity and sexual orientation? What other words have you used in your life?
  • What do you think should be included in all sex education for kids? for teens? for adults?

Questions About Love & Relationships

  • What drew you to me when we first met?
  • What values are most important to you in our relationship?
  • What is your love language and what are some examples of how you most feel loved?
  • What is one of your favorite memories of our first few years?
  • What about our relationship are you most grateful for?
  • How can I be a better partner to you?
  • What is one simple thing I could do for you to express my love?
  • What do you need most when you feel stressed? sad? angry? worried?
  • When in the past year have you felt most loved?
  • What would the chapters in The Story Of Us be named?
  • What songs would be on the soundtrack of your life story? our love story?

Questions About Fantasies & Desires

  • How do you think about the difference between Fantasies and Desires?
  • What is one thing you find hot in fantasy but don’t actually want to explore in real life?
  • What is one thing you want to experience more of in real life?
  • What is something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the chance?
  • What is one of your Peak Erotic Experiences?
  • What do you think is one of the hottest scenes in a movie and why?
  • What Do You Want Right Now?

Questions To Ask Before An Erotic Encounter

  • What are you into?
  • Is there anything I can do to make you feel safe?
  • Is there anything in your past you want me to know about?
  • Do we need a safe word?
  • How will we be practicing safe sex?
  • What does this mean to you?
  • Do you want this?

Questions To Ask During An Erotic Encounter

  • Will you tell me when this feels just right?
  • Would you like me to go deeper/slower/faster or is this good?
  • What would make this feel even better right now?

Questions To Ask After An Erotic Encounter

  • Can I bring you some water, a snack or anything else?
  • What are you aware of?
  • What were your favorite moments?
  • Did you feel overwhelmed at any point?
  • What was the most exciting moment for you?
  • Was there anything you wanted more of but didn’t ask for?
  • What could have made it even better?

Conversation Starters About Giving & Receiving:

  • What was the best gift you received as a kid?
  • What was one of the best gifts you ever gave to someone else?
  • What is a gift you wanted as a kid and never received? 
  • In your professional life, do you think that you Give or Receive more frequently?
  • What is your favorite kind of massage to receive: foot, shoulder or hand? 
  • Which is easier for you in general, Giving or Receiving?
  • When you are sick how do you like to be taken care of? 
  • Would you rather receive a love letter or be made a homemade meal? 
  • What is your favorite position for cuddling?
  • Would you rather go on a weekend getaway or receive an expensive romantic gift?
  • If you had $500 to spend on a date, what would you do? 
  • If you had three hours and $0 for a date, what would you do?

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