Let’s face it: life is busy, our to-do lists are long and at the end of the day it can feel exhausting to think about getting intimate.
But if you wait until you are in the mood, you might be caught waiting for far longer than you want.
What if instead you sought out a pleasure you are ready to say yes to, and then the next?
This is the essential difference between Spontaneous Desire and Responsive Desire.
So here is a simple choice that can do wonders for your overall pleasure, joy and intimate connection: find a pleasure to say yes to, and let that be the spark in a responsive desire cycle. Let one pleasure lead to the next, as it feels good and right in the moment. This isn’t about faking anything – in fact it’s about finding your most authentic yes.
If exploring responsive desire with a lover, meet wherever you both can show up fully. Go for a walk or sit on the couch and talk. Play a game or workout together. Ask to cuddle. Choose to get naked, get in bed and simply explore full body touch.
Don’t put pressure on the situation, don’t have an agenda to go all the way. Just connect. Laugh. Touch. Then notice how you feel.
Most of the time, your body will start warming up and feeling really good, your mind will relax and you’ll say things like “Why don’t we do this EVERY night?”
This “get naked and touch” advice is even more important for those of us who don’t often experience the lightning bolt feeling of horniness or spontaneous desire. Some people are simply more likely to feel aroused and ready for intimacy once they are already in an erotic situation (naked and touching their lover!) rather than spontaneously as they are washing up after dinner.
Once you are naked and in bed, focus on full body touch, using all of the strokes you have learned from the couples massage videos. Then, if you find yourself aroused, you can move on to erotic touch or other kinds of orgasmic stimulation. But remember that even a few moments of full body touch is enough to trigger your brain’s pleasure response, create head-to-toe relaxation and release all the health benefits of touch. Make a few minutes of full body touch part of your daily routine and you’ll notice tremendous benefits for your health and your relationship.
So don’t wait to be in the mood for intimacy. Choose to get naked and start touching and see what happens!