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Ready to fall deeper in love? Here is a simple process that promises profound results.
Scientists have succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in a lab by getting them to do this process. So what happens if you are already in a relationship and you do this practice? Would it help you fall deeper in love?
The process is simple: Answer 36 questions in about an hour. Then set a timer and look into each other’s eyes for 4 minutes. Then see how you both feel.
Here’s a little background information on the research behind this practice:
In Mandy Len Catron’s New York Times Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.
“The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote the study’s authors, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.”
Some of the questions are:
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
The 36 questions are designed to increase in levels of personal disclosure and thus intimacy as they progress.
We often forget to look at our partners anew, forget that we don’t know everything about them, even if we have been together for decades. When we remember that fact and choose to get intimate with each other’s minds and intentionally create vulnerability together, intimacy happens. From there, love can be present. The act of sharing information with your lover that you don’t often tell other people and discovering something new about yourself and each other can be fascinating and novel, which can create a new experience of intimacy and potentially love between you. Also, really paying attention to each other is intoxicating.
We dare you to create a Date Night around this, pour each other a glass of wine and take an hour or so and see what happens.
Find the “36 questions in love” here or as an app here
