Pleasure Mechanics

Erotic Failure: No Such Thing

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Erotic Failure : No Such Thing

At one point or another, we all feel like a failure in the realm of romance and sex. When relationships end, when our sex life isn’t what we want it to be, when we feel like we’ve let someone down, the crushing feeling of failure can set in.

In this episode, Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön offers soothing wisdom about the true nature of failure. She reveals how failure can be just the opening we need to grow, heal and better understand ourselves.

“Sometimes you experience failed expectations as heartbreak and disappointment, and sometimes you feel rage. Failure or things not working out as you’d hoped doesn’t feel good; that’s for sure. But at the time, maybe instead of doing the habitual thing of labeling yourself a “failure” or a “loser” or thinking there is something wrong with you, you could get curious about what is going on. . . Remember that you never know where something will lead.” ~ Pema Chödrön

This excerpt is from her book Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better. Get this book or another one of her amazing books as a FREE audiobook by clicking here for your free Audible.com trial membership.

Romantic Sex

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Romantic Sex :: Free Podcast Episode

What makes sex romantic?

There is a myth that all sex is romantic – this is far from true. Sex can be totally primal, focused exclusively on the physical sensations and release. Sex can be anonymous and generate orgasms without you ever knowing the other person’s name. Sex can be fierce and intense, venting extra physical and emotional tension. And sex can be deeply romantic, all about connecting with your partner and finding profound emotional intimacy together through the physical act of sex.

What Is Romantic Sex?

If romance is not about flowers and candlelight, what are the core elements of romantic sex?  The experience of romance is different for everyone, but there are some common themes that work for most of us.

Here are the most common elements of romantic sex:

  • Authentic emotion: Romantic sex is deeply emotional. It expresses intense desire, longing and affection. Romance can express the full range of emotions from urgent lust to deep affection.
  • Drama: Romantic sex cuts through the routine of everyday life and creates a moment of drama. This might mean an elegant dress-up date at a fancy restaurant or a slow dance in your living room. Romantic sex gets you out of your rut so you can truly pay attention to your feelings and connection.
  • Presence: For a truly romantic experience, you need to both be fully present, paying attention to one another and allowing yourself to feel your connection. If you find yourself distracted, try to come back to the moment and allow yourself the luxury of paying full attention to your partner, your emotions and the experience of romantic sex.
  • Personalization: One of the reasons roses and candy can feel unromantic is because these gestures are totally generic. To create an authentic romantic sex experience, you need to personalize the experience as much as possible. Perhaps your partner loves tulips, so you can forget the roses and fill the room with a few dozen tulips instead. Pay attention to your partner’s expressions of desire and met their specific needs. Nothing is more romantic than being paid attention to.
  • Connection: At the core of romance is the intimate connection between two people. Allow yourself to get vulnerable enough to really feel this connection. Look into your partner’s eyes, make as much skin contact as possible, and let yourself celebrate the specific connection you have. Verbalize and express what you specifically adore about this person to maximize your connection.  

How to Ask for Sex Without Being Creepy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

This episode has been retired.

This episode was originally inspired by a blog post from Charlie Glickman. After the date of publication, Charlie Glickman has begun to take public accountability for perpetuating sexual harm, relational abuse and other forms of harm while leveraging his position as a sexuality professional to justify and continue his abuse. With this new information, we have retired this episode and no longer recommend Glickman as a trusted resource.

The irony of the topic of this podcast is not lost on us.

Sex and Depression with JoEllen Notte

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

SMSOS166

Millions of people struggle with chronic depression – and all of them have a sexuality. Yet the relationship between sex and depression is rarely discussed.

On this podcast episode, JoEllen Notte shares her wisdom about sex and depression. Hit the “play” button above to listen to this conversation. If you know someone who lives with chronic depression, consider sending them this episode. To make it easy for you at the bottom of this page there is some language for an email to send to your friends.They’ll thank you for it!

JoEllen Notte conducted a survey about sex and depression, gathering responses from over 1,000 people. She then did in-depth interviews with about 20. Her findings revealed fascinating information about sex and depression, including insights that she shares on this podcast episode. She is currently working on a book focused on sex and depression, which will be a priceless tool for so many.

In this episode we discuss:

  • the sexual side effects of antidepressants
  • how to work with your doctor to find the right medications to minimize sexual side effects
  • strategies for reclaiming your sexuality during depressive episodes
  • how to communicate with your partner about sex when you are depressed
  • the importance of broadening your understanding of sexuality so you can find pleasure
  • how to make more conscious decisions about sexuality while you are depressed

If you or someone you love lives with chronic depression, this is a not-to-be-missed episode.

Here is some language for a possible email to send to someone you care about. Or of course just write from your heart.

Hey there. I came across this podcast episode and thought it might be useful for you. I know it isn’t something you probably talk about with a lot of people, but I saw this and thought of you and I want you to know I care about you and respect you and thought this information might be of interest. If not, just know I care! Here’s the link to the episode: http://wp.me/p2oEB2-Kv

Kinky Communication 101 with Patrick Califia

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Kinky Communication 101 :: Free Podcast Episode

Patrick Califia, one of the best known BDSM educators, shares a five step communication cycle for talking to your partner about sexual fantasies, kinky sex and other forbidden subjects. These erotic communication tools are also useful for anytime you want to talk to your partner about a vulnerable topic.

This podcast features an excerpt from Patrick Califia’s book Sensuous Magic: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples.

You can get this book for free from Audible by going to AudibleTrial.com/Pleasure and enrolling in a free trial membership!

Ready to explore kinky sex? The Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course guides you into the thrilling adventure of kinky sex, one step at a time! Designed for total beginners and more experienced players alike, you’ll master all the skills you need to have exciting kinky adventures while avoiding the most common pitfalls. If you are ready for your next erotic journey, dive in here.