arousal

What Is Arousal?

Arousal is the experience of our systems “upregulating” in response to stimulation – for our purposes we will be focusing on sexual arousal, the stimulation in response to pleasurable erotic stimulation (which can be a touch, a sight, even a thought!)

Arousal can be brief or prolonged, sought out or spontaneous. The dictionary definition of “arouse” is “to evoke or awaken.” This definition reminds us that arousal awakens the erotic part of us that is always within us, a part of our very being.

Stimulation from any number of sources can awaken this energy, bringing our attention more fully to our sexuality and desires. Humans can even be aroused by thoughts alone, the memory or an idea of pleasure is enough to stimulate the system and create full body arousal.

Want to build more arousal with. your partner and have more turned-on sex? Our Foreplay Mastery Course has all of the approaches and techniques you’ll need!

The Dual Control Model Of Arousal

One of the most important things to know about arousal is that it is contextual and the overall experience of sexual arousal involves both the gas and the brakes, the things that excite you and that which inhibits your arousal from moving forward. Learn all about this game-changing perspective in Best of Speaking of Sex Episode : AROUSAL : The Dual Control Model

Resources To Explore Arousal, Pleasure & Orgasm

Speaking of Sex Podcast Episodes About Arousal

Arousal and Desire

We humans are capable of a wide range of sexual arousal and pleasurable climaxes. Some people like to have one intense climax, others enjoy having a series of orgasms. Some people struggle to have an orgasm at all, while others want to learn to sustain arousal and delay orgasm or ejaculation. With so many possible ways to feel sexual pleasure, it is important to explore a wide range of pleasure responses and be able to experience the kind of arousal and climax you most desire.

People have different sexual goals. Men are often more concerned about trying to prolong arousal and even not ejaculate during arousal, while women are often interested in becoming orgasmic or multi-orgasmic. we can all experience both, and here are some tools to help you experience a wider range of arousal and climax.

To begin paying more attention to your arousal patterns and develop an ability to author your own arousal experiences, it is good to begin with your masturbation practice. This is like a laboratory for your sexual expression. Then you can begin experimenting with a partner.

Vaginal wetness is not equal to female arousal.

There is of course an overlap, those times when a woman is both aroused and wet.

And yet. . .

A woman can be highly aroused and not at all wet.

Or very wet and not at all aroused!

Lubricants are always an option to increase wetness, which, in turn, may heighten arousal.

https://www.pleasuremechanics.com/wetness-and-arousal/

Explore Your Arousal

To Explore Your Arousal: Make a Map, Then Get a GPS

Sexologists and sex educators often draw the cycle of an orgasm as a line chart – making sexual pleasure look more like a financial report than an erotic experience. While arousal and sensations are by no means a linear path – these charts can be useful to draw your attention to the patterns of your arousal.

Conventional wisdom says that women need a longer warm-up stage, a smooth and gradual uphill climb towards arousal and orgasm. Once there, women might have several orgasms, the top of their chart looking like a mountain range. Then, a nice downhill descent towards afterglow. Men, it is traditionally believed, have a sharp uphill climb – turned on by just about anything, one dramatic climactic peak and then a sharp fall downhill towards a soft penis and sleep. We’ve all seen these charts and perhaps experienced a similar arousal pattern.

If your arousal and orgasm are indeed a terrain of peaks and valleys – and if you were indeed able to chart your actual arousal, what would that chart look like? Would it be the same time after time, or dramatically different each time?

We propose a two-tooled system of exploring your own unique terrain of arousal. First, make a map. Getting to know a familiar path of arousal and climax is an excellent idea. It is a powerful thing to know what turns you on, what kind of touch stimulates you, how to reach climax most reliably, and what kind of afterglow you like best. Once you have it, you can show your map to your lover and give them the confidence to arouse you and satisfy you.

Arousal is a journey, an adventure – not a trip to the grocery store. Once you know your “sure thing” orgasm and have your map in your pocket, go off trail. Explore. But bring a GPS! With a GPS, you always know where you are and how to get where you want to go. This allows highway and byway exploring and spontaneous adventure.

For sex, your GPS is your awareness and attention. By choosing to pay attention to your arousal, mapping it into new terrain, you can play with new sensations and still know that you can find your way back to arousal and orgasm. You can begin learning new sexual techniques and skills, without the risk of giving up what already works for you.

If your lover tries something totally new – like scratching your inner thighs, giving you a foot massage, or (gasp!) suggesting something like prostate massage – you can try something new and simply pay attention. Do you like it? Does it take you closer or further away from climax? Or into another realm all together? Harder or lighter? What if they lightly stroked your thigh instead? What gets you off? What do you NEVER need to try again? Exploring is only fun when you are confident about how to get back home – to your trusted pleasures – when you need to.

As you approach orgasm, you can become aware of your own peaks and valleys – are you about to orgasm, what if you back away a bit, breathe deeply, and then begin building sensation again? With awareness and attention, you can explore the infinite variety of arousal and sensation available to you – and never get bored of traveling the same path to orgasm again and again. That map is always there for you should you want a clear and direct route – but for those days you want to travel and see the sites, simply pay attention and begin pioneering the unmapped terrains of your own sexuality.

Stress and Arousal

For most people, the single biggest roadblock to experiencing pleasure is stress. Doctors and sex therapists agree – stress is the number one threat to your sex drive and intimate relationship. Stress damages your health, puts you in a bad mood, and kills your sex drive. Your body physically can not get aroused if you are stressed out!

Stress has a negative effect on both male and female libido: this much is simply fact. The question has become, what do we do about the fact that our stressful lives are one huge turn-off?

The stress of daily life wears at us, literally, causing physical damage to our bodies and creating negativity in our relationships. Stress comes from many sources: work, family, concerns about money, health, global issues and personal worries. It is important to locate the top stressors in your life and begin creating strategies to minimize stress at it’s source.

But let’s face it: we can’t always quit a stressful job or get away from a stressful family situation. So the essential strategy is learning how to cope with stress and minimize it’s effect on your life and health.

There are many great ways to reduce stress: exercise, meditation or prayer, dancing, whatever activities make you feel relaxed and happy.

There are two surefire stress reducers that also serve the dual purpose of strengthening your relationship and bringing you more pleasure: massage and mindfulness.

Massage is one of the best ways to relax, unwind and get rid of stress. If, like most people. you find stress is getting in the way of your sex life, we recommend several 5-10 minute massages a week for maximum stress reduction.

By spending this time with your partner, exchanging massage and relaxing together, you may find that not only are you less stressed out, but you may also be more turned on.

Many couples find that by sharing quality touch, they are more likely to be in the mood for sex, and the sex they have becomes way more exciting. This combination of massage and sex is a surefire way to counteract the damage of stress and live a more healthy, relaxed and pleasurable life.