blowjobs

The Art Of The Blowjob

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Art of Blowjob Podcast Episode

Oral pleasure is one of the most divisive of intimate acts. Most men want way more, but many women cringe at the thought of it. Couples use it as a bargaining tool. Women use it as a way of avoiding other kinds of intimacy. Men long to be treated to a long and luxurious session of oral pleasure, only to be let down by a “let’s get it over with” attitude.

Perhaps we’ve all been cheated by the story we tell about it. Does it have to be a demeaning, humiliating experience for the woman giving it? What if, instead, it was understood as an act of love, a profound gift of pleasure offered with pride? What if women were encouraged to find the pleasure of giving enjoying the sensation of her lover’s most tender parts in her mouth? What if women could get off on playing with the power dynamics of oral pleasure, feeling as dominant or submissive as she wishes? What if oral pleasure could be an erotic experience for both lovers?

A few of you have probably experienced the joy of finding mutual pleasure in oral. For anyone who is still struggling to figure out how to make this a more enjoyable experience, this week’s podcast is a must-listen.

This week, we interviewed the producer of elegant adult websites that portray oral pleasure with reverence, humor and beauty. We talk about how to reframe the conversation in a way that puts women in the driver’s seat and encourages them to find their own pleasure in giving this most intimate of pleasures. We share strategies for both giver and receiver to maximize pleasure for all involved!

More on oral pleasure, including exclusive bonus tips from Sophie Delancey on The Art of Blowjobs, can be found in the Foreplay Mastery Course

Are Facials Degrading?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Are Facials Degrading?

Facials have a bad reputation. Many consider them to be degrading and humiliating. But do they have to be? In this episode we explore what makes a sex act degrading. Facials involve a man ejaculating on his partner’s face, usually as part of oral sex. Are they considered degrading because ejaculate itself is considered dirty? Or because oral sex is thought of as an act of degradation? What if we think about semen as a pleasurable, life-giving fluid? Could facials be part of loving, tender sex? Listen in and see what you think!

Here is the email from a listener that we answer in this episode:

Hey Pleasure Mechanics,

First of all, thanks for the show. My boyfriend and I both listen to it, usually separately, but often have great conversations prompted by the show. Most recently, episode #71 helped us have a huge breakthrough about my orgams/ orgasms during sex. But that’s not my question. My question is about facials. He really loves coming on my face, and to be honest I don’t mind it that much. But it came up in conversation with a friend recently because she was saying how degrading it is and that no self respecting woman would let it happen. I got really embarrassed but didn’t say anything to her right then. But then the other night, I was going down on my boyfriend and he wanted to end with a facial, and I felt sick all of a sudden. Have I been letting him degrade me this whole time? I love this guy and can even see us getting married someday – is letting him do this to me making me less of wife material? Should I stop letting him do this? Honestly, I had never really thought about it until my friend brought it up, and I was curious what you think about it. Thanks! ~ Deena

Fellatio : Discover How To Love Giving Oral Sex

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

A listener wants to know if she can learn to love giving her boyfriend oral sex. We seize the opportunity to offer tips and strategies to make giving blow jobs way more pleasurable!

Many women don’t like giving blowjobs, and no wonder: the way porn depicts blowjobs is not that pleasurable for the woman!

But if we shift the model and learn how to make fellatio into a complete erotic experience, it can be a major turn on for women to give their men so much pleasure with their hands and mouth!

Fellatio can be an incredible part of a fulfilling sex life. But for fellatio to be pleasurable for the giver, it needs to be approached as a gift freely given, rather than a chore to endure.

We cover techniques to make oral sex easier to give, including how to use handjob techniques to stimulate the shaft while focusing oral stimulation on the sensitive head of the penis. To master these skills (and way more!) check out our Foreplay Mastery Course.

We also cover communication techniques so you can make your fellatio uniquely yours by choosing what kind of erotic energy you want to play with, what parts of blowjobs you like and what you want to avoid.

Fellatio can be a loving, joyful expression of pleasure. Learn how to love oral sex!

Check out our complete list of Speaking of Sex episodes!

Here’s the question that inspired this podcast. You can submit a question to be answered on future episodes on our Ask Us Anything page!

Stephanie writes:

Hey Pleasure Mechanics,

Thanks for your awesome podcast. My boyfriend and I listen to it together and it has prompted lots of great conversations. He encouraged me to write in with an issue that has been a problem for us for years.

Like most guys, he loves blowjobs. The problem is, I don’t love giving him oral sex. I don’t have any problem with the idea of it, and at first it is ok, but after a few minutes I just feel like I am choking and drooling and it is a total turn-off. He knows I don’t like it so he has stopped asking, but I know it is something he wants more of. So my question is, is this something I can learn to love? Any tips for making going down more fun?

For many guys, blowjobs are one of the best kinds of sex. Oral sex is an amazing opportunity to simply relax and receive, allowing all of your attention to focus on the sensations and arousal you are feeling. Many guys spend a lot of time in sex being really active – blowjobs are a great opportunity for men to enjoy simply receiving.

We get a lot of questions about how to give a better blowjob. The easy answer? Enthusiasm. Let your guy know that you are enjoying going down on him, that is something you can enjoy doing, not just a favor or a chore.

It is also essential to learn how to use your hands in combination with your mouth to stimulate the entire penis. Even if you can deep throat for a little while, there is no way to get the amount of pressure and stimulation that most men want with your mouth alone. So master your handjob skills, and then coordinate your hands and mouth – your hands stimulating the shaft of his penis while your mouth focuses on the sensitive head.

How To Give The Best Blowjob Ever

We are currently running sex surveys for both givers and receivers of oral sex for men. Here are some tips and suggestions gathered so far. Take the surveys and contribute your own sex wisdom about how to give great blowjobs!

How Women Feel About Giving Blowjobs:

Some women love giving blowjobs, others hate it. The whole range of feelings about giving oral sex were reflected in our survey responses:

“The feelings in my mouth and pussy are symbiotic – one enhances the other. Sometimes I can come just from sucking cock (with a few nipple tweaks to help!)”

“Honestly, I ONLY enjoy giving oral sex to get his cock wet enough for penetration. Otherwise I don’t enjoy it but I will still sometimes do it if we are mutually masturbating and he wants me to finish him off with my mouth.”

What Men Can Do For Better Blowjobs:

“Wash. Trim. Be engaged-let us know if what we’re doing is working for you. Let us know if it isn’t. But DON’T just sit there and wait through something that’s just kind of meh. Know where the “I love playing with your cock”-“oh my gosh my jaw and arms are tired, stop thinking about your grandparents” line is. And don’t cross it. We like pleasing you. Don’t drag it out forever though!”

“Caress and touch me sensually, the more aroused I become the more aggressive and passionate I become towards his penis.”

“I love it if he gently holds my hair back, but if his hands get hard and he holds my head like he’s fucking a cantaloupe, forget it!”

The Blowjob Swallow Debate

Blowjob Swallow

Comment::

Hi. I really liked your article on yourtango.com about how to give a blowjob. Especially your answer to the comment about the blowjob swallow debate. I loved your idea of thinking of swallowing as honoring and respectful and oral sex as a gift. That’s a great way to put it!

I find it strange and annoying when sex experts or authors of books or articles on blowjobs spend more time explaining ways to avoid letting guys cum in your mouth when you’re sucking their penis or ways to avoid swallowing. I’ve never understood why that would be more enjoyable for the guy, or even for the girl giving the blowjob.

Your comment reminded me of a friend I had in school, she got into oral sex before I did and helped me out with tips when I was starting out. She felt that a guy’s cum was her reward for the blowjob. I always thought that was a cute way of looking at it, and when you actually think that way while you’re going down on someone it really makes you look forward to the guy getting off in your mouth. And when you think about it, it kind of makes sense. Isn’t it a privilege to be able to make men release their semen into your mouth just with a little attention from your lips and tongue? And like you said by swallowing it’s like your honoring that event. To me at least it’s deeply satisfying and exciting to feel a man’s orgasm and his ejaculation through my lips and tongue.

I think this topic would make for a helpful article on your site, btw. Thanks for your positive attitude about it. Your article put me in a mood to give a blow job, or two! 😉

Megan

A:: Thanks for writing in, Megan, about your feelings in the great blowjob swallow debate! Some women may never want to swallow, and that is their choice. What is essential is that we honor our bodily fluids as part of the gift of our incredible human sexuality – when we talk about the “blowjob swallow” as something nasty and disgusting, we disrespect the male body. We think it is time to reframe the conversation and allow ejaculates to be honored – and that can include a “blowjob swallow” or not! Whether or not you want to swallow, we recommend mastering handjob skills! Being able to give a great handjob makes oral sex way more pleasurable, and if you aren’t in the mood to swallow you can finish him off with your hands and choose where the ejaculate lands!