foreplay — Pleasure Mechanics

How To Have Spontaneous Sex

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Here is how to have more spontaneous sex – without enduring the common pitfalls of quickies!

Most people want more spontaneous sex – but we also know that the body and mind need to be prepared for orgasmic, satisfying sex. Arousal takes time to build – so what space does that leave for spontaneous sex and quickies?

In this episode we cover:

how to capture the energy and excitement of spontaneous sex
how to prolong foreplay over days and weeks
how to stay warm so it is easier to get hot
the importance of spontaneous affection
the difference between spontaneous sex and quickies
the kind of quickies to have more of – and the kind of quickies to avoid

We also cover spontaneous sex in Episode 154, featuring Esther Perl on the myth of spontaneous sex.

This episode was inspired by the following question, submitted by a listener:

Dear Pleasure Mechanics,

My husband found you about six months ago when my relationship was really at a standstill. I never enjoyed sex the way we had been having it but didn’t know what to ask for. He hated that I wasn’t enjoying it, so stopped initiating it. Before we found you, we didn’t have sex for about a year and were both kind of giving up on it. Then through the magic of google he found you, and signed up for the foreplay course. Your course helped us start more conversations and I was able to ask for the kind of warm up I now know my body needs before I can enjoy intercourse. Turns out he was more than happy to provide once I was able to ask. For this, I thank you.

I hope I am not pushing my luck here by asking for more help. My question is about spontaneous sex. Now that I know I need lots of time for warm-up, does that rule out quickies? Is spontaneous sex ever an option?

Thanks again for all your help,

Monica

Curious about igniting your own sexual breakthrough? Click here to explore the Pleasure Mechanics online courses!

Fingering Do’s and Don’ts

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Fingering Dos and Don'ts :: Free Podcast Episode

Want to be an amazing lover?
Master the art of using your hands to pleasure your lover!
Here’s the truth: women need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. The best tool for the job? Your fingers!

In this podcast, we cover the importance of fingering techniques for female pleasure. Just hit the “play” button at the top of this page to start listening!

You’ll discover:

why fingering is the most reliable technique for female orgasm
how fingering can combine beautifully with oral sex and intercourse
the most common mistakes people make with fingering
how to use fingering techniques to activate all parts of her sexual anatomy
why mastering fingering will help you last longer in bed and enjoy sex more

Ready to master the art of fingering? You’ll find all our proven techniques in the Foreplay Mastery Course

Nipple Play

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Nipple Play: How To: Free Podcast Episode The breasts have a high concentration of nerve endings, especially in the nipples. The underside of the nipple has the densest concentration of nerve endings in the entire breast. During arousal, the breasts swell and become more sensitive, and nipples may harden and in some cases grow substantially in size. When fully aroused, some women find that the nipples are so sensitive that even small touches can feel quite intense.

Why Does Nipple Play Feel So Tricky?

Many women experience a spectrum of sensitivity that can change dramatically. Breast sensitivity may change year to year (many women report an increase of sensitivity late in their 20’s and into mid-life), week to week (most women report more sensitive breasts during ovulation and menstruation), and even moment to moment, depending on stimulation, arousal, and even temperature.

To maximize the pleasure potential of the breasts, a woman and her lover must pay attention to the cycles of sensitivity and learn how to respond and adjust nipple play according to just how sensitive they are feeling in any given moment. This kind of awareness is a useful skill to become a better lover overall, and there is no better place to develop this skill than with sensual breast massage. The breasts are a central part of sexual anatomy, and nipple play offers big potential for spiking a woman’s arousal.

Nipple Play Golden Rules

Start with broad, relaxing touch. Touch the entire chest area and her whole body before starting nipple play!
When it comes to nipple play, sometimes less is more. Start with gentle pressure and slowly increase pressure and intensity.
Never go right for the nipple, as tempting as it is. Nipple play is all about building anticipation by approaching the skin around the nipple, then backing away. Tease it out!
Use your fingertips, fingers, lips and tongue to explore nipple play. There is no end to the nuances of sensation you can create. We show you all of our proven techniques in the Foreplay Mastery Course.

Enroll in Foreplay Mastery now to ace the skills of erotic breast stimulation and nipple play.

Erotic Massage

What Is Erotic Massage?

Erotic massage is a complete sexual experience that both men and women can enjoy. Erotic massage can create extremely high levels of arousal and often ends with powerful full body orgasms. The key to erotic massage is combining full body touch with arousing erotic touch.

Erotic massage is a “taking turns” erotic experience. One of you is in the role of Giver, the other gets to relax and focus entirely on being the Receiver.
Erotic massage is an opportunity to lavish your lover with erotic touch, head to toe. It is a very luxurious experience, and many people report reaching higher levels of arousal than they knew possible.

Just like oral sex, the experience of “taking turns” allows you to sink deeper into the experience of both giving and receiving. While receiving erotic massage, there is nothing to do but focus on the sensations in your body. Many people are surprised at just how much arousal they can handle while receiving erotic massage. Women are surprised at how much pleasure they can feel when they give themselves permission to receive the full attention of their devoted lover. Men are surprised at how long they can sustain arousal and maintain erections. When receiving erotic massage people often experience far more arousal than they new possible.

Erotic massage starts with a full body massage. This relaxes the body and primes it for full body arousal. Once the recipient is totally relaxed, you can begin building arousal with erotic stimulation. Using your hands to stimulate your lover’s genitals (and anal area if you so choose!) you build up arousal and then use more full body touch to “spread it out” into full body arousal.

When done well, erotic massage creates the experience of full body orgasm – as you climax you feel the arousal streaming through every part of your body. Many people report the sensation of arousal streaming through their legs and arms and “shooting out” the top of their heads. Don’t go into your first erotic massage experience expecting a transcendent outcome. Just like any other physical skill, it will take time to master. Instead, approach it with a spirit of curiosity and just be open to what happens!

To master the art of erotic massage, check out the Foreplay Mastery Course!

Fellatio : Discover How To Love Giving Oral Sex

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A listener wants to know if she can learn to love giving her boyfriend oral sex. We seize the opportunity to offer tips and strategies to make giving blow jobs way more pleasurable!

Many women don’t like giving blowjobs, and no wonder: the way porn depicts blowjobs is not that pleasurable for the woman!

But if we shift the model and learn how to make fellatio into a complete erotic experience, it can be a major turn on for women to give their men so much pleasure with their hands and mouth!

Fellatio can be an incredible part of a fulfilling sex life. But for fellatio to be pleasurable for the giver, it needs to be approached as a gift freely given, rather than a chore to endure.

We cover techniques to make oral sex easier to give, including how to use handjob techniques to stimulate the shaft while focusing oral stimulation on the sensitive head of the penis. To master these skills (and way more!) check out our Foreplay Mastery Course.

We also cover communication techniques so you can make your fellatio uniquely yours by choosing what kind of erotic energy you want to play with, what parts of blowjobs you like and what you want to avoid.

Fellatio can be a loving, joyful expression of pleasure. Learn how to love oral sex!

Check out our complete list of Speaking of Sex episodes!

Here’s the question that inspired this podcast. You can submit a question to be answered on future episodes on our Ask Us Anything page!

Stephanie writes:

Hey Pleasure Mechanics,

Thanks for your awesome podcast. My boyfriend and I listen to it together and it has prompted lots of great conversations. He encouraged me to write in with an issue that has been a problem for us for years.

Like most guys, he loves blowjobs. The problem is, I don’t love giving him oral sex. I don’t have any problem with the idea of it, and at first it is ok, but after a few minutes I just feel like I am choking and drooling and it is a total turn-off. He knows I don’t like it so he has stopped asking, but I know it is something he wants more of. So my question is, is this something I can learn to love? Any tips for making going down more fun?