masturbation — Pleasure Mechanics

Why You Masturbate The Way You Do : A History Lesson

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Why do so many people struggle with masturbation? Why do so many of us feel a little bit ashamed of solo sex, treating it like a dirty chore rather than a self-love practice that can bring tremendous pleasure and health benefits?

How you masturbate – how much pleasure you give yourself, how creative you are in your solo sex, what parts of your body you allow yourself to touch, how you feel emotionally about masturbation – has everything to do with the past 3000 years of punitive sex culture. We are just barely emerging out of a culture that punished masturbation and forbade sexual pleasure of any kind. We have to take this history seriously before we can fully embrace the sex-positive idea of May as Masturbation Month!

For more about the history of sex culture and how it has influenced your sex life, check out one of my favorite books: Sex and Punishment: Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire by Eric Berkowitz

One of the best selling books in the 1720s: Onania; The Heinous Sin of Self-Pollution, And All its Frightful Consequences, in both Sexes

Hear more about how corn flakes and graham crackers were invented as part of the anti-masturbation crusade

Check out a gallery of anti-masturbation devices here

The “Jugum Penis” anti-masturbation device. Designed to prevent nocturnal erections and masturbation.

Chastity belts for both sexes were marketed as anti-masturbation devices

Kinky Masturbation

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Is your solo sex life getting a little boring? Do you have kinky fantasies and no one to explore them with?

Here’s how to integrate kink in your solo play and enjoy the infinite pleasures of kinky masturbation.

Masturbation can include all of the major elements of kinky sex, including Sensation Play, Power Play and Role Play.

To explore sensation play as part of kinky masturbation, start with your hands. Explore the full range of sensations you can create on your entire body. Scratch yourself, pinch yourself, spank yourself, play with widest range of sensation possible. While it can feel hard to replicate the surprise and sensations of a partner’s touch, it can still be fun and you can start learning what types of sensations you most respond to. Then, you can bring toys into your solo play. Almost any toy designed for kinky play can be used in masturbation. Curious about nipple clamps? Put them on and then hold the chain in your mouth and tug on them as you masturbate!

Kinky masturbation is the ideal place to explore your kinkiest fantasies! In the safety of your own imagination you can push your fantasies in every direction and explore what you find arousing. To prime your fantasy pump, read kinky erotica and notice what turns you on. Remember that fantasy is not always the things you want to do in real life. Click here for more about fantasy vs. desire, a crucial concept to set your erotic imagination free!

Fantasize during solo sex and allow yourself to spin intricate stories involving kink and power play. Step into different power roles and see how you respond. If you want to explore submission, try out a range of archetypes and find out exactly what kind of power play inspires you. Are you a naughty, nasty rebel who needs a firm hand? Or a demure, humble servant aiming to please? Kinky masturbation can help you explore the galaxy of options and unlock new possibilities.

You can even try solo orgasm control! Build arousal and then stop and move on with your day. Then masturbate again, and stop just before orgasm. Repeat until you are begging yourself for permission to orgasm!

While exploring kinky masturbation, push your own edges while staying emotionally and physically safe. You will learn what your body is capable of as you explore – respect your own limits just like you would respect a partner’s boundaries during kinky sex. NEVER risk injuring yourself with things like erotic asphyxiation, or any skill you are not properly trained in.

Want to explore the exciting terrain of kinky sex? Click here for more on the erotic adventure of a lifetime!

Female Masturbation with Jenny Block

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Female Masturbation with Jenny Block

Jenny Block is a sex writer and educator. Her latest book is The Ultimate Guide To Solo Sex, and she has also written books about female orgasm and open marriage. In this podcast episode, she joins us to talk about her new book and the importance of female masturbation for a happy, healthy sex life. Jenny Block opens up with some personal and hilarious stories about her own solo sex adventures – and what happens when you get a thousand women on a cruise ship to have orgasms every day!

We cover:

Why it is important to actively celebrate and think about female masturbation
Why we can’t truly be at peace in our bodies without masturbation.
How female masturbation can make women better wives, mothers, friends and global citizens
Masturbation requires women to take time and focus solely on their own pleasure – is there something political about this act?
Why some women can only reach orgasm in one specific position – and the good things that happen when you break these patterns and diversify the positions and methods used during masturbation.
Sexy ways to integrate masturbation into relationships: sexting phone sex, skype sex and more!

Find out more about Jenny Block and her new book, The Ultimate Guide To Solo Sex here!

Mutual Masturbation

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Mutual masturbation is not a very inspiring term, but the activity it describes can set your sex life aflame.

The term mutual masturbation can describe two different sex acts. Some people use it to describe masturbating alongside one another, while others use the term to mean stimulating your lover with your hands. Both of these activities are worth exploring for their unique thrills.

If you are bored with sex or just looking for something new to shake things up, try both forms of mutual masturbation! Let’s break both types down and discover why they are such pleasurable paths to mutual bliss.

Mutual Masturbation As Simultaneous Masturbation:

For most of us, masturbation is an intensely private activity. The idea of masturbating in front of your lover probably feels scary, and that is precisely why it can be so hot. Anytime you get vulnerable with your lover you create an erotic charge that can spike your arousal and bring you closer.

An added bonus? Masturbating in front of your lover shows them exactly how you touch yourself to reach orgasm, and they can use that knowledge when it is their turn to stimulate you.

Here are a few steps to explore mutual masturbation:

Masturbate alongside one another in the dark! With the lights out you won’t be so self conscious, freeing you to enjoy the charge of this new sex act. You’ll get to hear your lover’s breath and moans of pleasure. Don’t underestimate how hot this form of sex with the lights out might be!
When you are ready, masturbate in full sight of one another. As you touch yourself, watch your lover intently, creating a circuit of arousal without ever touching one another. Agree ahead of time that you won’t lay a finger on one another. The desire will be there, and forbidden fruit tastes all the sweeter.
For an added thrill, lock eyes and maintain eye contact while you orgasm. This is one of the most intimate moments you can share.
You can also make mutual masturbation a power play game. As your lover masturbates, give them orders. Tell them what you want to see. Forbid them to climax until you give permission. This is a great exercise in erotic communication and it can be a lot of fun to be in control of your lover’s every stroke.

Mutual Masturbation As Hand Sex:

Getting your lover off with just your hands is a thrilling, empowering and revolutionary act! This act is also called “handjobs” and “fingering” or even “erotic massage” but none of these terms come close to describing how amazing this experience can be.

Here’s the deal: your hands are one of the most dexterous, sensitive part of your body. When used to stimulate your lover, they can create sensations that you can’t create in any other way. For men, a handjob can prolong arousal and unlock male multiple orgasms. For women, direct clitoral stimulation is the key to orgasms and is an essential way to get aroused before sex. So if you haven’t mastered the art of hand sex, now is the time to get started! Here’s how:

Take turns! Hand sex is best when you focus on one person’s arousal at a time. One of you gets to relax and focus exclusively on getting highly aroused, while the other focuses all of their attention on creating maximum pleasure.
Master the skills of hand sex. There are dozens of unique ways to use your hands to stimulate your lover’s most sensitive parts. Don’t settle for a simple stroke. When you are ready, check out our Foreplay Mastery Course and get all the tools you need to master this skill in the privacy of your own home, at your own pace.
Expand Your Erotic Repertoire. Hand sex can be an amazing part of foreplay, but it can also be a sexual event on it’s own. If one of you isn’t in the mood for full on sex, explore mutual masturbation as a great alternative to intercourse. You’ll both end up saying “yes” way more often, which will allow your sex life to flourish over time.

Mutual masturbation is a dull name for two great sex acts. Don’t let the name stand in your way! Explore both versions of mutual masturbation, and your sexual horizons will be expanded.

Is Masturbation Healthy?

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Is Masturbation Healthy?

We receive email every day asking us if masturbation is healthy. This question stems from hundreds of years of anti-masturbation crusading. For generations, we’ve been taught that masturbation is unhealthy, shameful and sinful.

Here’s the naked truth: Masturbation Is Healthy! Masturbation is great for your health, your relationship to pleasure and can even be a positive force in your relationships.

The real question is this: is YOUR relationship to masturbation a healthy one? Do you touch yourself for pleasure? Does it make you feel good about yourself? Does it give you energy?

Or is masturbation a compulsion without much pleasure anywhere to be found? Do you do it the same way, day after day? Do you feel depleted or sad after you climax? Then it may be time to rethink your solo sex life!

Frequency of Masturbation:

There is no one right number of times per day, week or year to masturbate. Some people masturbate a few times a day, some a few times a week, others a few times a month or year.

Only you can know what is best for you. Becoming aware of your patterns and more deliberate in your choices around masturbation will make it more satisfying and a more energizing part of your life.

If you feel stuck in a masturbation rut, or feel like you masturbate compulsively – that is, without choice and/or against your better judgement – it may be time to change up your patterns and bring more awareness to your self-touch.

Quality of Masturbation:

Many people masturbate from a feeling of sexual longing – there is a feeling or experience we have powerful desire for but are not achieving. If this is the case, check in with that longing and see if there are elements of that fantasy or desire you can bring into your sex life, solo or partnered. See if you can create the feeling state you are looking for.

How much pleasure can you allow yourself to feel in your body?
What are you seeking? Is there a feeling you are going for? Do you reach it?
Is there variety in your masturbation?
Do you feel more or less energized after masturbating?