oral sex — Pleasure Mechanics

How To Make Oral Sex More Intense

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Does your pleasure ever feel stuck at “good enough” – and you can’t quite kick up the intensity when you want to?

In this encore episode, we share a ton of techniques for amping up intensity while receiving stimulation. Here we are discussing the specific case of getting enough intensity during oral sex to reach orgasm – but the tips and strategies will help you amp up intensity during any kind of erotic play.

Sometimes lovingly called the “get your face wet” episode, this classic episode from our archives delivers a ton of classic Pleasure Mechanics strategies for optimizing your experience of pleasure and arousal.

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A lot of people want skills and strategies to master the art of giving oral pleasure. We understand wanting to know what you are doing down there! More than any other erotic act, this is where confidence and enthusiasm are key.

But here’s the catch: for a lot of couples, the roadblock to more oral pleasure isn’t on the giving side. For many, the challenge is in the ability to relax and receive so much pleasure and intimacy.

After talking to thousands of people who struggle to receive oral pleasure, here are some of the most common thoughts that take us out of our pleasure:

Am I taking too long?
Is my lover getting bored?
Am I going to be able to climax?
Do I look weird down there?
Do I smell weird down there?
Am I safe?
Is my lover having fun?

These thoughts (and thousands of variants) spin through our brains, taking our attention away from our body and the sensations our lovers are providing. These thoughts create stress and anxiety – which shut down arousal and make pleasure feel even more out of reach. It is a vicious cycle that can feel impossible to break.

But here’s the thing – there are immediate steps you can take to be more available to receive pleasure (oral and otherwise!) Listen to the podcast below for a deep dive into the art of receiving oral sex.

When you can relax and fully receive the gift of oral pleasure, tremendous benefits await. Sure, there are the roaring orgasms that oral can create. But beyond that, there is an emotional gift of the intimacy that this act creates. For many people, receiving oral creates feelings of acceptance – when the most raw and vulnerable part of you is being taken into your lover’s mouth, you can feel truly held and loved.

So maybe you just want oral to become a more frequent and fun part of your erotic life. Or maybe you want to finally let your lover in and truly receive the loving attention they are offering you.

Tune in to the podcast episode, put the skills into practice and then let us know how it goes!

The episode originally aired as Speaking of Sex episode #210 : Oral Sex Orgasms Advanced Techniques

Oral Sex Orgasms Advanced Techniques

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For many women, receiving oral sex is challenging. Some women have anxiety about how their vulva looks, smells or tastes. Other women worry about appearing selfish if they take too much time to reach orgasm. Some women simply don’t trust that their partner could actually enjoy going down on them. Even for women who are comfortable with their bodies, have no anxiety about their vulva and trust their partner’s enthusiasm, the sheer pleasure of oral sex can be overwhelming. And for other women, the intensity of stimulation from oral sex never gets quite strong enough to push them over the edge into orgasm.

The good news? There are a lot of strategies that can help you reach orgasm during oral sex. From communication strategies to orgasmic mindfulness, there are lots of great tools to help you enjoy more orgasmic oral sex.

This podcast is for anyone who has trouble reaching orgasm during oral sex. We cover:

How to relax and receive as much pleasure as possible
How to guide your partner without getting too technical during sex
Mental and physical techniques to overcome pleasure anxiety
Erotic jedi mind tricks to get out of your head and into your body
Simple power play techniques to eroticize your struggle
The one tool we all need to learn to feel more pleasure

Here is the email that inspired this podcast episode:

I have a partner who is good at giving oral sex. He’s devoted, perceptive, I know he really enjoys it, and I have noticed how he’s refined his skills and sense of what I need over the 8 months we’ve been dating – he has asked me frequently how he could be better at going down, and I’ve shared some ideas with him which he’s incorporated. I want to orgasm, he wants me to orgasm, everything feels so good I think I could orgasm, except as I approach a climax, I just can’t, and the pleasure gives way to anxiety or frustration. There isn’t one thing I’m wanting and not saying, there isn’t something he’s doing wrong, I genuinely believe my vagina’s beautiful and feel comfortable having a person so intimately connecting with that part of my body …. it’s more an issue of being unable to give in to that non-thinking, pleasure-focussed state. No one has ever been able to get me over this hump (of orgasming from oral sex – I am able to climax during intercourse), and it’s beginning to feel like vulnerability/shame/privacy mental block. What steps can I take to start relaxing into orgasm from oral sex? How can I let myself just enjoy it more? Feel everything more fully and intensely?

One detail I keep considering is that talking and giving instructions does kind of take me “out of it” … I’m still open to trying more communication, but the most success I’ve had is more internal work – using imagery garnered from Betty Dodson’s wisdom to call to mind favorite foods, beautiful images, or other pleasure-things that aren’t specifically sex, to get my mind out of analyzing and into pleasure mode.

Thanks a million for all that you do,

B

Irrumatio

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Irrumatio :: Free Podcast Episode

Dear Pleasure Mechanics,

My boyfriend and I listen to your podcast every week and it has prompted some very exciting conversations and bedroom adventures. For this, I thank you. But last night he told me he wants to try irrumatio. I told him I would think about it, primarily because I didn’t even know what it was. When I googled it this morning, I was a bit horrified. What could he possibly mean by this, because surely he doesn’t really want to orally rape me? Your advice please.

Thanks,

My lips are sealed.

What is Irrumatio?

Irrumatio is the act of actively thrusting of the penis into the mouth of a partner.

In the ancient Roman sexual vocabulary, irrumatio is forced oral sex between two men. Latin erotic terminology had two words for oral sex between men. Fellation, is when the man’s penis is orally excited by the fellator. Second, irrumation, is when the man (the irrumator) … engages in motions by moving his hips and body in a rhythm for his own pleasure.

In ancient Rome, giving oral sex was considered obscene, a lower social act. They emphasized the fact that because urine was unclean, and passed through the penis, it was unclean to use your mouth on these parts – much like our anal taboo today. Giving oral sex was even used as a legal punishment, especially in cases of adultery (along with punishments like cutting off ears, noses and other choice body parts)

Ancient Rome is often glorified as a more free and luxurious time, usually because we see their erotic art and imagine everyone lived in an endless orgy of pleasure. Not so! It was actually quite a brutal time and sex laws were very strict. Those of higher economic class had way more freedom, and permission to abuse those of lower classes and slaves. Homosexuality and Heterosexuality did not exist. Men were expected to have sexual relationships with boys of lower class status. This model of assigning status based on who is being penetrated and who is doing the penetrating persists with us today, and in some cultures is a major factor in designating an act as problematic or not.

Can Irrumatio Be Pleasurable For Both Partners?

Irrumatio can be a pleasurable and consensual sex act if we frame it in a very specific way. It can also quickly become problematic and unpleasant for the receiver if not undertaken with awareness and consent. Irrumation requires both excellent communication before the event and non verbal communication during the encounter.

Take away all of the ancient social meaning and just think of it as a specific style of oral sex. The receiver relaxes as much as possible and offers up their mouth and throat to be penetrated. The giver then takes charge and thrusts into the mouth for their own pleasure. This relies on the agreement that the partner doing the penetrator stays aware and respectful of the receiver’s comfort. This is an advanced form of oral sex and should only be tried once a couple has mastered fellatio and know what the recipient can take. Some people love deep throating while others only like the head of the penis in their mouth. The mechanics of irrumatio will depend on your specific fit together, between the penis and the mouth and throat!

Use hand signals to communicate. An “ok” sign might mean everything is good, keep going. A flat hand might mean “slow down” or “stop” Find ways to communicate so you can both enjoy the experience. Always have a way to “tap out” and end the experience quickly if you are not enjoying it.

Ultimately, exploring irrumatio is a good experiment in communication and consent during an intense sex act. Proceed slowly, practice explicit communication and see how the experience feels for you. At best, you’ll both have a great time and broaden your sexual repertoire. If it doesn’t go well, you can scratch it off your list and know you gave it your best shot! You’ll know more about one another as sexual creatures and will have had an intimate, risky sexual encounter together, which is always good for your relationship.

Cunnilingus Techniques

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Cunnilingus Techniques :: Free Podcast Episode

Cunnilingus Techniques For Maximum Pleasure and Comfort

Cunnilingus is one of the most effective ways at giving women intense, orgasmic pleasure. But it is also a challenge for a lot of couples. No matter how comfortable you are giving oral sex to a woman, you can also improve your cunnilingus techniques to help her enjoy even more pleasure from this highly intimate act.

Most cunnilingus techniques focus on more speed and pressure. While this is an important skill to develop, it is also essential to learn how to convey love and devotion through your cunnilingus technique. Many women are hesitant to receive oral sex, so the first essential cunnilingus technique is the ability to make women comfortable and eager to receive this form of erotic attention. Only once she is comfortable receiving oral sex will you be able to lavish her with the your expert techniques and give her as much pleasure as possible.

In this free podcast episode (just hit the play button at the top of this page to start listening) we share Ian Kerner’s cunnilingus techniques that focus on slowing down and allowing your tongue to patiently draw forth her pleasure, without any rush towards orgasm or any agenda other than her maximum pleasure. He gives specific instructions for a cunnilingus technique that will surprise you – so make sure to give it a try to see how it works for you and your lover! His slow, methodical approach evokes an intense response in many women and will change the way you approach oral sex.

This podcast features several cunnilingus techniques to get you started at mastering the skill of oral sex. This episode features an excerpt from the NY Times bestselling author Ian Kerner. His book She Comes First is one of the best selling sex books of the past 10 years.

You can get a free audiobook version of She Comes First by Ian Kerner by signing up for a free trial membership at www.AudibleTrial.com/Pleasure

If you want to brush up on your clitoral anatomy so you can be sure to pleasure every part of her, here are two podcasts that go into detail all about the clitoris: Episode 106: Cliteracy and Episode 175: The Truth About The Clitoris.

Facesitting

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Facesitting :: Free Podcast Episode

Facesitting is a very common fantasy for men (and women who have sex with women!) Facesitting is also sometimes called Queening, which is a beautiful term that draws attention to the idea that the woman is at the center of this fantasy. It is her pleasure that drives this fantasy. She is the Queen and her lover’s face is the throne!

We received the following email from a podcast listener:

Hey Pleasure Mechanics. My boyfriend found your show and we’ve been listening every chance we get. It has opened up some really amazing conversations, so we both want to thank you. Recently, after listening to a totally unrelated episode, he blurted out “How do you feel about facesitting?” My first reaction was to laugh, but then I got intrigued. I asked him what exactly he meant and he explained it has always been a huge fantasy of his to have a woman sit on his face while he gives oral sex, and he wondered if I would try it. I enjoy receiving oral, but have never tried this position. I’m open to it, and his birthday is coming up, so any tips to make this really hot for him? Thanks again! – Yvonne

Why Is Facesitting So Sexy?

First, for people who enjoy pussy (vulva, use your term of choice here!) facesitting gives the ultimate experience of being engulfed in it. Facesitting creates the feeling of being totally surrounded by the beautiful vulva. Some people take it a step further and want to be totally smothered in pussy!

Facesitting also is all about pleasuring a woman who is in control of her pleasure. To climb up and straddle your lover’s face you need a certain amount of confidence and there is nothing sexier than a confident woman who is ready to claim her pleasure! Feeling a strong, sexy woman writhe around on your face is incredibly hot.

Finally, facesitting is oral sex amped up to the next level. Giving a woman oral sex is really hot already, and when that woman is moving around with pleasure on your face, teasing you with her pussy, it is even more blissful. Facesitting means you get to feel the weight of her body and look up and see her magnificent body above you. For many people who love women, this is pure heaven!

The Facesitting Experience For The Receiver

What is fascinating about facesitting is that many of the same elements that make it so sexy for the giver are precisely what make it challenging for so many women to receive!

Being on top during sex is vulnerable enough for a lot of women, and oral sex is challenging for many women, so when you combine the two it is downright terrifying for some and awkward for others!

Facesitting means you are totally exposed. Your pussy is right there, covering your lover’s face, and there is no room for being shy or reserved about it. You need to believe that your lover is totally excited and aroused by your pussy. For so many women who have mixed feelings about their vulva and it’s taste and smell, this is a real challenge to accept. But if you can make the leap, and your lover is enthusiastically participating, facesitting can be the ultimate act of celebration. You get to have the experience of being completely proud of your pussy and ready to accept being completely worshipped as you ride your lover’s face!

Listen to the podcast (hit the “play” button at the top of the page!) for specific tips for making facesitting super exciting for both of you. In the podcast we cover:

how to make facesitting positions comfortable
how to switch it up for a variety of pleasures
safety tips for facesitting
how to use hands in combination with the mouth for even more facesitting pleasure
toys and accessories specifically designed for facesitting
how to add different erotic energies to change up the experience
how to create full erotic experiences with facesitting as the highlight
how to orgasm during facesitting

We challenge you to experience the pleasures of facesitting. It can be challenging and vulnerable at first, but ultimately offers an incredible and liberating experience of pleasure for both of you!

Enjoy facesitting and want even more strategies and techniques to lavish her with orgasmic pleasure? Check out the Foreplay Mastery Online Course for everything you need to know to create extraordinary erotic experiences!