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How To Fuck

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Let’s be real. Most of us enjoy sweet, tender lovemaking. But every once in awhile, we just want to fuck and be fucked.

Even leading marriage therapist David Schnarch recognizes the need for fucking in long term relationships.

So how do we let go and learn how to fuck like the animals we are? Here are some tips to get you started as you discover how to fuck like a champion!

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How To Fuck: Attitude

It’s not the sex act that determines the erotic experience, it’s all about the attitude. Just like a kiss can be romantic or rebellious, sex can feel like making love or like fucking. The difference is all about the intention and attitude you bring to the act. Fucking doesn’t even have to include intercourse – you can create the experience of being fucked with hands, toys or perhaps without any kind of touch at all!

For most people, fucking is much less personal than making love (but not necessarily less intimate!) While making love is all about your connection to a specific individual, fucking is a more physical act that is more about the athletic and sensory experience than about emotional connection.

Don’t confuse the intense physicality of fucking with it feeling less intimate. Letting go and putting a lot of physical energy into fucking can make it feel incredibly vulnerable and physically intimate.

Many people actually find fucking to be very intimate, which is why they end up holding back and censoring their sexual expression.

How To Fuck: Letting Go

To create the experience of fucking, you need to let go of inhibitions and social niceties and let yourself express your full sexual energy. Most of us are trained to keep sex polite and tidy. Fucking is raw and energetic. You have to show up, express your pleasure, move your body and make noise! To let go and really allow fucking to happen, you can’t worry about what your face looks like when you orgasm or if your belly fat is jiggling. You have to really go for it. This is easier said than done, but with a bit of practice and permission you can keep going deeper into the experience of fucking!

How To Fuck: Sound and Movement

Fucking is not quiet and it is not still! If you want to explore how to fuck, give yourself permission to make more noise and move your body more freely.

For more on making noise in bed, listen to this podcast episode: Episode #099: Dirty Talk: How To Get Started

For more on moving in bed, listen to this podcast episode: Episode #176: How To Move During Sex

How To Fuck: Get A Little Rough

If you want to amp up the intensity of fucking, get a little rough. Many people love the sensation of a bit of slapping, scratching or hair pulling during sex. Remember, arousal raises your pain threshold so the more turned on you are the more intense sensations you can process as pleasurable! Start gently and slowly bring up the intensity until you find that moment’s “just right” roughness. Rough sex elements should be discussed ahead of time and consented to in an ongoing way, as everyone has different feelings about things like hair pulling, spitting and slapping during sex.

If you discover you like rough sex, you may want to check out our Kinky Sex Mastery Course which will guide you in mastering skills like intense sensation play, erotic power play and so much more!

Podcast Transcript for Speaking of Sex Episode: How To Fuck

Charlotte Rose (00:00):
Hi, welcome to Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics. I’m Charlotte.

Chris Rose (00:04):
Hi, I’m Chris. Woo. We are the Pleasure Mechanics, and on this podcast, we share our expert advice so you can have an extraordinary sex life. You can find an entire archive of this podcast over at pleasuremechanics.com, where you will also be able to submit a question or a topic you want to hear more about on future episodes of this podcast. Check it all out at pleasuremechanics.com.

Chris Rose (00:30):
We just had a fabulous lady say that she has spent 60 to 80 hours on our website over the past month since being introduced to it, and I love that. She said she sat down one evening and started going through our sex index, where we index everything by topic alphabetically, and noticed that six hours had passed since she sat down when she got up to pee, which is awesome. There’s tons there to explore. Go check it out at pleasuremechanics.com and let us know what you want to hear more about.

Charlotte Rose (01:04):
We’re here for you.

Chris Rose (01:04):
All right. So this is a fabulous episode we’re about to share with you. It is on how to fuck. What do we mean by that?

Charlotte Rose (01:16):
Don’t we all want to know how to do that as best as we possibly can?

Chris Rose (01:19):
What does it mean, though? Because we talk about sex in every episode. What is specifically we’re going to talk about when we say how to fuck?

Charlotte Rose (01:28):
Well, we believe that there is a different kind of having sex when one is fucking versus making love, that there is a different kind of sex happening. We want to talk about that. We want to distinguish that and we want to encourage people who are in longterm relationships to bring a little more fucking back into their relationship because there’s something very primal and bestial and animal and athletic and sweaty and intense about fucking, whereas making love can be much more romantic and personal and about the connection and about the I am with you and you alone. I picked you of everyone on this planet and I cherish you. It’s a more personal, not necessarily more intimate, but a more personal experience and connection.

Chris Rose (02:20):
Our culture tends to elevate making love over fucking and people think that that’s the right way to have sex, the polite way, and fucking sometimes gets left to casual sex or sex with strangers where we give ourselves permission to be more animalistic and more raw physically. We think it’s important, and there’s a fabulous marriage therapist, David Schnarch, and his book Passionate Marriage that we’ve covered on previous episodes, that he really thinks that fucking is an important part of a longterm marriage. And we couldn’t agree more. So whether or not you’re in a casual relationship or in a longterm marriage, we are going to encourage you to fuck more often. We’re going to talk about what that means in this episode and how to do it, how to activate it in your life.

Charlotte Rose (03:16):
Great. You had talked about his book in the episode Healthy Fucking.

Chris Rose (03:20):
Which is number what?

Charlotte Rose (03:21):
Which is number 159.

Chris Rose (03:23):
All right. So go to our website, pleasure mechanics.com. Look in the podcast archives and find episode 159 where I talk about healthy fucking. All right. So let’s talk about how to fuck. In that episode we talked about why it’s important. Let’s talk about how to do it.

Charlotte Rose (03:40):
Before we jump into that, can I just say that I think that this is something that has been thought of as not very moral for women to do? This is that idea that if you’re too into it, you’re slutty and you must really like sex and it’s not polite and it’s not moral to be really-

Chris Rose (03:59):
Good girls don’t fuck.

Charlotte Rose (04:00):
No, absolutely not. Just slutty girls. Right? So I think that that’s something that we have to process and reject, but notice that that is part of our cultural script. So I think that has to be released before one can really give oneself over to fucking.

Chris Rose (04:17):
And yet we hear from so many women, so often that just want to be fucked. My man is too gentle with me. He loves me. He’s so nice to me. He’s so sweet. He’s always asking me how things are, but all I want to do is be fucked. All I want is for him to let loose and fuck me. We hear that constantly, and so I think women have this struggle of they’re not supposed to want it, but they really do want it. They’re not supposed to be too into it and yet that’s what they crave. So we, as a culture, need to work on this and individually in your relationships and in your own psyche, we need to heal this divide between our desires and what we give ourselves permission to want and ask for. Because I think a lot of these guys who these women are referencing are more than excited to fuck their wives, more than excited to get into it, but feel like they have to hold back to be polite.

Chris Rose (05:12):
So it affects both of us. This is something that I always want to present that anything that’s affecting female sexuality is equally affecting male sexuality. We’re in it together. So let’s let loose and give all of us permission to ask for being fucked, to want to be fucked. This word, it might feel abrasive to hear, fucking. We use it for a … there’s a great website or something. Maybe I’ll find and try to put it on this podcast page. That’s all the different ways the word fuck is used. I don’t give a fuck. Fuck you. Fuck that. I feel fucked by him. There’s so many ways this word is used. It’s a very powerful word. What we mean when we’re talking about how to fuck, fucking, right now is the idea of sex let loose from cultural niceties. It’s not polite. It’s not restrained. It’s not held back. It’s when your body is fully into it, you are moving like animals. You’re going after pleasure. You’re fully in it for the experience of that bodies colliding together in a sweaty heap of pleasure.

Chris Rose (06:24):
It doesn’t have to include intercourse, which I think might be a mind fuck for a lot of you. It doesn’t have to include intercourse. That’s our primary vision because we’re so intercourse centric in this culture of that penis in vagina fucking. It can be with hands. It can be with a toy. It can be anal. It can be oral. It can actually not include body contact at all, if you really want to get trippy. But the energy of fucking is just that complete abandon to pleasure where you’re going after it with full force. That’s how I think of it. Is that kind of what you’re thinking, Charlotte?

Charlotte Rose (07:04):
Yes, and I think as we’ve said, it is most common … it’s easier often for people to do with strangers or a new sex.

Chris Rose (07:12):
Why?

Charlotte Rose (07:13):
Because we are not known, because we are not-

Chris Rose (07:16):
We can be anonymous animals.

Charlotte Rose (07:17):
Yeah. We can activate, and we can presence that part of ourselves. Once you know love and are domestic with somebody, it is much harder to access that kind of energy. That is troublesome because I think that we do deeply crave that kind of physicality. So how do we bring that back? How do we give ourselves permission and create the relationship where we have permission to access this?

Chris Rose (07:45):
Right, and so much of this is about inhibitions. So when we talk about getting drunk at the bar and my inhibitions were lowered and I went home with a stranger, you can have the kind of sex that your body is craving. Because of that anonymity, the stakes are really low. You don’t worry as much about being judged because you’ll be gone in the morning. That’s often when a lot of our desires come forth is in that realm of casual sex, especially when alcohol or drugs are involved and we talk about them lowering our inhibitions. So if we think about those inhibitions as shame and fear and judgment, that’s what’s holding us back, how do we do that in our relationship sober or with a little bit of wine, whatever you want, but without getting drunk and loaded and going home with a stranger and taking on all of the risks that that entails? Because let’s be clear, there is freedom in casual sex, but there is also a lot of risk.

Chris Rose (08:44):
If you’re in a longterm relationship and you want your husband to fuck you like silly, you have to lower your inhibitions on your own without alcohol and be able to name and ask for what you want. That’s a lot scarier perhaps, but the freedom in that is that once you establish that kind of relationship, you can get fucked like silly as frequently as you want if that open communication is there with your partner. They know what you want. They’re not judging you, they’re onboard with it too, and then you have that range. You can make sweet, beautiful love sometimes, and it can be slow and tender if that’s what your body is craving. Other times you can fuck like bunnies and that’s what your body’s craving in that moment, and you have that vocabulary to ask for the range. That’s what’s important.

Charlotte Rose (09:38):
I think the casual sex, there isn’t the relationship so there is nothing but the physicality. So of course it’s easier to drop into that place. I think there’s also this myth, perhaps, that fucking is fueled by passion and lust. It actually doesn’t have to be, it can be fueled by the desire to experience intensity and intense sex, and that can be brought forth and generated so that you’re generating a intense athletic experience.

Chris Rose (10:05):
It’s funny you say athletic because that’s what I was thinking is you might run like hell if you’re being chased by a bear and that’s fueled by that moment and that lust of I want to stay alive and I’m running for my life, or you can step onto a track and run like hell because you choose to.

Charlotte Rose (10:21):
Yeah, right. I think that’s a really important distinction. So this idea that lust is the only time we can experience that doesn’t have to be true.

Chris Rose (10:31):
Yes. That’s a big point. Let’s just sit with that for a second. But what that takes is asking for it and communicate with your partner, “What I’m really craving right now is to really go for it and some primal fucking. You up for that?”

Charlotte Rose (10:47):
Right.

Chris Rose (10:47):
What would it take to say that sentence to your partner? What’s in the way?

Charlotte Rose (10:52):
Because let’s be clear. That is only going to feel good for the woman if she is really warmed up. So you can be more gentle and loving if you want to in the warmup stage, in the getting her really aroused, giving her an orgasm, perhaps prior to thrusting with your penis if you’re going to be doing that kind of fucking, or your hands or warming up with the hands and then eventually graduating to a toy or a penis. You can bring the thoughtful, loving attitude and energy into the whole experience, but get warmed up.

Chris Rose (11:26):
That is such a true point. So if you’re a fucking into a vagina or an anus, foreplay is absolutely necessary. Absolutely necessary. That foreplay can be in the fucking energy. It can be rough and tumble and you’re wrestling and kissing and biting one another. Or it can be a massage followed by lots of clitoral stimulation and seductive talk. Then you build up that desire to the point where you are ready to fuck and the vagina is engorged and you’re using lubrication or she’s wet enough and you have created the conditions for that fucking to happen. Because the idea of a quickie, sometimes when we think of fucking, we go right to, “Oh, we’re so passionate and I’m just going to throw you on the kitchen table and plunge into you.” Not so good for the vagina. Vaginas need to be warmed up and sex, intercourse, feels best when it is primed. When it is ready for penetration.

Chris Rose (12:24):
We do hear from some women who love being plunged into very fast, without a lot of warmup, but I think these women are living in a warmed up state. They are aroused enough. They are feeling sexual enough that they’re ready in a quick way, but that’s because they’ve kind of been living in a foreplay state. So I just wanted to put that out there and not to say every woman needs 30 minutes of warmup and orgasms to be ready for penetration. Sometimes women are ready and when they’re ready, they’re ready. But what’s important is it comes from the person being penetrated. You can fuck with pegging and prostate massage, by the way. Men can be the ones being penetrated. What’s important is the body being penetrated is ready for it, and they ask for it, and it’s their choice when that penetration begins.

Charlotte Rose (13:15):
Yes. Most women will need at least 30 minutes of warmup. There are very few women, statistically speaking, that are ready for quick penetration.

Chris Rose (13:25):
Yeah. I just wanted to presence them because they do exist.

Charlotte Rose (13:27):
Yes.

Chris Rose (13:28):
And the more foreplay, the more seduction you have in your relationship as a whole, the more her body will be ready for this kind of fucking energy. I think that’s a point we’ve covered in other podcasts. You can look for seduction on the podcast archive. This idea of seducing your lover throughout your relationship is important, and most people feel ready to fuck when they’re living a turned on life. When they feel erotic, they feel sexy as they walk through the world, and that is preparation that goes beyond the scope of this podcast. But that’s important too, is that you feel sexy, you feel fuckable.

Charlotte Rose (14:07):
Right, and that in the rest of the relationship you’re feeling cared for and valued and respected. So there’s this kind of good relationship happening, and then you’re having this experience. But it is not about being disrespected or being less of than.

Chris Rose (14:24):
Right. I think it’s important that you want to fuck your spouse if we’re talking about fucking your spouse, and that means respecting your spouse, not having resentment, all of those prequalifying conditions. But let’s talk about fucking. What does it mean? So we’ve warmed up the body, the body’s ready to be penetrated. What are the differences once we’re actually in the act between making love and fucking?

Charlotte Rose (14:45):
Because fucking is a very physical primal experience, there are certain kinds movements that are more related to this kind of sex than lovemaking, for instance. We’re going to talk about that a little bit. Most obvious are rhythm and speed. With fucking, you are more likely to do more of a deep thrust that has a real-

Chris Rose (15:08):
Strong driving rhythm?

Charlotte Rose (15:09):
Yes.

Chris Rose (15:10):
You’re doing it with your hands.

Charlotte Rose (15:12):
I know, like a real kind of force to it. Often for making love, we think about slow, sweet lovemaking, and you’re really drawing out the experience.

Chris Rose (15:23):
Looking into each other’s eyes, taking deep breaths.

Charlotte Rose (15:27):
Pausing, and being still sometimes. Fucking is faster. There is more of an intensity and a drive and there’s more speed.

Chris Rose (15:38):
Which you might build up to over time.

Charlotte Rose (15:40):
Right, right.

Chris Rose (15:41):
But you get to this point of a nice driving, forceful rhythm, which also means staying in a rhythm for a while. It means being able to stay in that point of intensity, whereas making love, you might build up to that and then come back down and it’s these waves and these crescendos, but it’s not this intense period of being fucked. Right? So I think, yes, as you said, speed, you build up to it and it eventually gets faster. Then the rhythm is that constant driving, not letting up feeling until one or both of you climaxes. You build up and you kind of stay there and draw it out. This can happen in any position, but I think what’s important here is this idea of being able to build up to the intensity and stay there.

Chris Rose (16:36):
A lot of women report the feeling of their cervixes being stimulated by that deep thrusting, rhythmic penetration, activates the cervix. If you can get into different positions, it doesn’t matter how big the penis is, most of the time it will reach and your cervix kind of gets pounded. The cervix has specific nerves that run to the brain and are hooked up into our arousal system in this very primal way. The cervix can be very tender on some women and other women love this feeling and even love the day after. Their cervix can even feel a little bit bruised, a little bit-

Charlotte Rose (17:14):
Oh, god. That’s a horrible word.

Chris Rose (17:15):
But I’ve heard women talk about this. It’s like that deep internal part. So the cervix, little anatomy lesson, is the entrance to the uterus. It’s the deepest part of the vagina. It’s that feeling of the deepest part of their vagina being used and activated and bruised. I don’t know.

Charlotte Rose (17:35):
Activated, I’m much more comfortable with.

Chris Rose (17:38):
But bruise, after sex sometimes you feel a little bit tenderized, a little pummeled and this is part of the fucking experience I think, is waking up the next day and being like, “Ooh, my ass from that spanking. Yeah.” So it’s not bruised as an injury. It’s bruised as-

Charlotte Rose (17:56):
Having been used. Yeah.

Chris Rose (17:57):
Used and activated.

Charlotte Rose (17:59):
So we’re talking about really deep penetration here and making the point again, you’re already really warmed up. You’ve built up to this. You’re not starting there. That would be really uncomfortable and painful for many women. The cervix is only going to feel delicious-

Chris Rose (18:12):
This is the summit of lots of foreplay.

Charlotte Rose (18:14):
Yes, is only going to feel good when it is really, really warmed up. You have to start from the outside of the body and move deeper and deeper into the body and the arousal builds and …

Chris Rose (18:25):
Yeah, and the person being penetrated again, we’ve said it, we’ll say it again, really wants to want this for it to feel super pleasurable. This is where the artistry of fucking comes in. It’s not just about going for it with everything you’ve got. It’s about building it up until the anticipation and the desire and the longing is so big that when you get to the fucking, it’s a relief. It’s a fulfillment of that desire that you’ve built up. This is the emotional part. This is the seduction part. This is the relationship part of fucking, and that can build up inside of you as an individual, and then it builds up between you as you do the foreplay as you gracefully enter this intensity.

Chris Rose (19:12):
Just to say, if you feel like you’re not getting fucked big enough or deep enough by your partner’s parts, whether that’s penis or fingers, you can be fucked with toys and you can get a toy as big as you want it to be, and then your partner can use that toy on you. If you are a size queen and want it to be super filled up and really deep and really big, they make dildos in all sorts of sizes. Don’t feel shy about asking for that. If you’re a guy and your partner wants something bigger, you can choose to take that personally and get a complex about it. Or you can choose to be like, “I’m going to be the one holding that dildo and fucking you so well with it and giving you exactly what you want and that is sexy and that’s powerful for me.” So that’s really about attitude.

Charlotte Rose (20:00):
Yeah, that’s a lot for a lot of men, though.

Chris Rose (20:03):
We will do another episode on this.

Charlotte Rose (20:04):
Okay. But the other thing that you can do is wear a butt plug. If you are experiencing that you want more-

Chris Rose (20:11):
The man or the woman?

Charlotte Rose (20:12):
Well, both, but the woman could wear a butt plug to feel more filled up. A lot of people report that that makes penetration feel bigger and deeper, no matter the size of the man’s cock. So that’s another way to feel more filled up if you like that kind of feeling.

Chris Rose (20:29):
Or use lots of fingers and go to fisting, which is actually one of our most popular podcast episodes, is our episode on how to fist and most women will be satisfied with the size of your fist if they can take it. Anyway. Okay. So size, being filled up, being full, that rhythmic pounding of fucking, I think that’s the core experience for many people. It’s that experience of being left breathless at the end, and hopefully both of you will climax. If the guy climaxes first from all of this intense friction and fucking, then let’s be sure to take care of the partner and fuck her again with fingers, a toy, oral sex, whatever she needs to finish that experience and also be left feeling breathless and collapsed in a pool of pleasure. That, I think, is the idea of being fucked, is used, exhausted, done.

Charlotte Rose (21:31):
Relieved.

Chris Rose (21:32):
Yes.

Charlotte Rose (21:32):
There’s release.

Chris Rose (21:33):
Yes. So many of us are so pent up sexually and every once in a while just need to be fucked into oblivion, and so you’re kind of reset and it’s interesting because there’s an image of being released and drained and empty. But at the same time, you’re very full of energy and you’re gaining something through this experience.

Charlotte Rose (21:57):
Remember, though, in our culture we often think about the men fucking and the women more laying still. Remember that the women can be really active in this experience and push back. If you’re in missionary, you can have your feet on the bed so you can really push and-

Chris Rose (22:17):
Drive your hips.

Charlotte Rose (22:18):
Thrust back into them. You can be active in this. We talked about this a whole bunch in last week’s episode.

Chris Rose (22:25):
176, find it in our podcast archive. It is a companion episode. It’s about how to move during sex. If you have not figured out yet how to move during sex, the experience of fucking and being fucked will be hard to access.

Charlotte Rose (22:42):
It’ll be less pleasurable, so it’s another tool to have in your sexy tool belt.

Chris Rose (22:46):
Yes, so how to move, how to fuck, these two episodes go hand in hand together and put it into practice. So much of this is about giving yourself permission to stop holding back. I think so many of us know this experience of being in bed and there’s more you want, there’s more you want to chase after, but we hold back in order to be polite, not to be too much, not to be judged, not to feel slutty, not to feel like we scare our partner away. We hold back. The core of the emotions of fucking is not holding back. All of those inhibitions are gone. They have been checked at the door and you are an animal doing your human thing of fucking.

Chris Rose (23:30):
It’s so funny. We talk about fucking like animals, but animal sex is actually really boring. Most animals thrust one to three times before ejaculatio, and if you look up animal sex on YouTube, most of it is very boring. Humans are the fucking machines. Humans are the most creative, erotic beings on the face of this planet. We have a very creative, awesome sexuality. It’s part of our relationships. It’s part of kinship. It’s part of our emotional lives. It’s part of our spiritual lives and let’s fuck like humans instead of fucking like animals. Let’s fuck like the human animal, all that we’re designed to do. The fulfillment of that, the satisfaction of that, and again, that’s the range. That’s not just fucking as we’ve been talking about that intensity. It’s the whole range of how we can make love, how we can fuck, how we can have sex with one another, how we can give one another pleasure. Even with just our minds and even with just our voice, we can bring one another to these high states of arousal. That’s what’s so exciting is exploring that whole range of possibility, and that’s what we want for you.

Charlotte Rose (24:40):
Yeah. Knowing that it’s all within us, it’s all there.

Chris Rose (24:43):
This idea of athletic sex, circling back to that. We talked about that at the beginning of this episode of being willing to get sweaty, being willing to get breathless, being willing to use our muscles to really fuck. I learned a lot about this when I started using strap bonds, of how difficult it is actually to fuck a woman well using your hips while you’re propping your weight up on your forearms. Using that thrusting again and again and again to fuck well is an athletic feat. It’s fun to take it on as an exercise, as a sport that you want to get better at. It’s one thing to choose to get better at basketball. How about we get better at fucking and build those muscles, build our stamina, build our endurance so we can be better fucking humans?

Charlotte Rose (25:33):
This is not less intimate. I think there’s this idea that fucking is lesser than making love because perhaps it’s less emotional, but I don’t think that’s true. It can be just as intimate in a physical way, perhaps not as emotional, but there all kinds of different intimacy. When it’s with your lover, when it’s with your longterm partner, it can be emotionally intimate to release this certain part of you and to see one another in this state and to give permission to be all of yourself, not just your-

Chris Rose (26:05):
Sweet tender side.

Charlotte Rose (26:06):
Yeah. Just not just being loved for who you are, but also being loved for your body. It’s a physical intimacy, not just an emotional intimacy. That’s so cool in a longterm relationship to be able to access all of it.

Chris Rose (26:19):
Yet to complicate things further, we also know that emotions can come up when you’re fucking vigorously and when you have intense physical activity. Sometimes people cry. Sometimes people laugh. Sometimes people feel rage. All of those emotions can be part of fucking, you just channel it into the physical plane. That, I think, is what can be therapeutic as you harness all of those emotions and you bring them out physically. Just like running can be a great relief for stress or grief and you run until you’re breathless and then you feel better afterwards. You release those endorphins. That’s the same thing that’s happening when you’re fucking. Your endorphins are flowing. You might even get a hit of adrenaline and it can really purge you of so much that’s pent up.

Charlotte Rose (27:03):
Yes. It’s a cleansing. We’ve done a great episode on cry-gasms too. Check it out if that is something that happens for you.

Chris Rose (27:10):
So go fuck, my dear friends. Go fuck your hearts out. Fuck your longterm lover and fuck with all you’ve got, and be a better fucking human each time you fuck. Build up your endurance for fucking.

Charlotte Rose (27:23):
Fuck, yeah.

Chris Rose (27:24):
I’m just trying to use the word fuck as much as I can right now. So we hope this has helped you discover how to fuck with more fucking authenticity, more fucking enthusiasm, and we hope you enjoy your fucking day.

Chris Rose (27:41):
I’m Chris.

Charlotte Rose (27:42):
I’m Charlotte.

Chris Rose (27:43):
We are the Pleasure Mechanics. You can find us at pleasuremechanics.com, where you’ll also find our online courses. If you want to fuck with greatness, our foreplay mastery course is a must. It’s a fucking must for fucking well. It’s going to make you a great fucking fucker and fuckee. So go check that out and use the code speaking of sex for 20% off your fucking online course. We’re the Pleasure Mechanics.

Charlotte Rose (28:12):
Wishing you a lifetime of pleasure.

Chris Rose (28:15):
Enjoy your fucking day.

The True Source of Desire

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The True Source of Desire :: Free Podcast Episode

This podcast features an excerpt from the book Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Children From Sex by Judith Levine

This is a powerful and much needed book about the perils of censoring sexuality from the lives of children. This was one of the primary texts I used when writing my thesis about sex education back in 2003, and it is just as relevant today as ever. I highly recommend this book to anyone involved in the raising of children. It covers not only sex education in schools but also the importance of how adults respond to incidents of sexual abuse, children’s masturbation, sex play between children and many other topics that tend to cripple a mature adult response. In this book, Judith Levine provides wise and much needed advice on how to handle children’s sexuality in a respectful and loving way.

In the final chapter of the book, Levine provides a section called What Is Wanting? This section offers up suggestions for what is much needed but seldom provided in sex education for children. Because these topics have so long been missing, many of these topics are highly relevant for adults as well.

In a section titled “Desire Resides In The Body” Levine reminds us that we need to remember that desire is within us, not just a response to a prince on horseback. Far too many women spend their lives waiting for someone else to wake up their desire rather than learning how to source it from within.

The truth is, no one can give you pleasure that you aren’t willing to receive. No one can wake up desire that you aren’t able to feel. So in order to feel more desire and more pleasure, we all need to practice feeling and receiving. This happens primarily in the micro-moments of experiencing sensual pleasures, in and out of bed. When you start noticing pleasure and allowing your body to fully experience it, you become much more adept at experiencing pleasures of all kinds. But it is also important to work through the emotional barriers that tell you that receiving pleasure is selfish, hedonistic or greedy. You must give yourself permission to feel the fullness of pleasure that you are capable of. You need to identify the shame and guilt that blocks your pleasure and gets in the way of you feeling authentic desire.

For more on responsive desire, check out our interviews with Emily Nagoski:

How To Move During Sex

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How To Move During Sex :: Free Podcast Episode

There is one thing that can make any kind of sex more exciting, pleasurable and orgasmic: movement. Yet for many of us, learning how to move during sex can be scary and intimidating. Many people minimize movement, hold very still or have a few routine moves that they use every time. Full body movement, and especially moving the pelvis, creates way more pleasure and creates the opportunity for full body orgasm.

For more strategies for better sex, join our free online course The Erotic Essentials

Moving during sex makes sex feel better:

moving generates more friction for your genitals and allows you to find the right spots for maximum stimulation
moving the body relaxes out tension that can be blocking pleasurable stimulation
activating the spine allows nervous signals to travel to the brain, where they trigger arousal
moving can be a form of erotic communication, helping your partner see what is most pleasurable so they can give you more of it!

Why do so many people find it hard to move during sex?

Shame and fear cause our bodies to shut down expression – many people don’t want to be seen naked, even by their lover! If you are struggling with body shame, here is a powerful podcast episode that will remind you: Your Body Is Good Enough
Cultural shame and toxic purity culture tell many people that “good girls just hold still and take it” – if you are dealing with shame from your upbringing, here is a podcast episode for you to help you Kick These People Out Of Bed
Sometimes, no matter how much we want sex, once we are having sex there can be a panic response. It helps to build sexual confidence and skills so you can show up for the game. Tune in to find out how to level up your erotic game

Here’s how to get moving during all kinds of sex:

First, confront your emotional barriers that keep you from moving. Some people are worried about how their body will look if they move too much. Others don’t want to seem like they are enjoying sex too much, or fear they aren’t doing it right. Fear of judgement and shame keep us still and small in bed. Break through these mental barriers and you’ll free yourself to enjoy sex more!

One of the best ways to activate more movement in your body is to dance! Dance alone in your living room, with no one watching. With your favorite song playing, practice the three core components of erotic movement:

Hip Circles: Move your pelvis in a circular motion. Play with going slow, feeling each part of the circle. Then go faster, really shaking it up!
Hip Thrusts: Tilt your pelvis forward and back. Again, start slow to get a feel for the movement. Then speed it up. Try adding breath: inhale as you pull your pelvis back and exhale as you thrust forward!
Spinal Undulations: This is the most sophisticated erotic movement but also the most important for activating full body pleasure. Undulations are wave like motions that travel the entire length of your spine. Start with a pelvic thrust and then let the movement travel up your spine, ending only when your head tilts back at the end of the wave.

Once you get comfortable with these three erotic movements, try them while masturbating. As you stimulate yourself, try circles, thrusts and undulations. Notice what you feel. When does the movement feel easy and fluid? When does it feel tense or awkward? Can you feel your pleasure spike during any of the movements? Try holding your hand or toy still and moving into it to stimulate yourself. Notice how you feel!

Next, integrate more movement into partnered sex. Tell your partner ahead of time that you are exploring moving more and agree to have fun with it together. If you are concerned about how you will look while moving, ask your partner to wear a blindfold so you can move without inhibitions!

Finding it hard to get started? Try taking a dance, yoga or martial arts class (with or without a partner!) A group movement class will help you get used to moving more in your body and remind you how good moving can feel!

Or get started now by following along with these videos!

How To Move During Sex: Follow Along!

Undulations:

Hip Circles:

Thrusts:

Spinal Circles:

Hip Opening Stretches

Advanced Movements To Inspire You:

(just try following along and have fun with it!)

Transcript of How To Move During Sex Podcast Episode

Podcast transcripts are generated with love by humans, and thus may not be 100% accurate. Time stamps are included so you can cross reference or jump to any point in the podcast episode above. Thanks to our supporters on Patreon for helping to make podcast transcripts possible!

Chris Rose: 00:00 Hi and welcome to Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics. I’m Chris.

Charlotte Rose: 00:04 I’m Charlotte.

Chris Rose: 00:05 We are the Pleasure Mechanics and on this podcast we offer expert advice so you can have a phenomenal sex life. You can find a complete podcast archive over at PleasureMechanics.com, where you can also submit a topic or question to be covered on future episodes of this podcast.

Chris Rose: 00:23 Today we’re going to be talking about how to move during sex. We get a lot of email in the form of complaints, I wanna say, or inquiries from partners who want their partner to move more during sex. There’s a very kind of negative word for this called the dead fish syndrome which references women who just lie there and allow themselves to get fucked without moving or responding in any way. I hate this term, dead fish, it’s just awful to me. But, what we want to cover in this podcast is how to activate movement, not so much sex positions, we’ve covered sex positions before and I don’t think that any one position is the key to amazing sex, but movement is a key to amazing sex. The ability and the permission to let your body move in response to pleasure is really essential to having better sex no matter what position you’re in. It’s relevant for both men and women. Let’s dive in.

Chris Rose: 01:32 Why is moving during sex such a question in the first place? Why do we lie still during sex? Why is that so common?

Charlotte Rose: 01:43 I think we are just filled with so much shame about having sex in the first place, and we don’t know how to do it, and we haven’t been given permission to activate and experience the full range of what’s possible. I feel like we’re trying to do it right. We are thinking. We’re worried about how our fat is. There’s just so many things going on for people when they’re having sex. I don’t think many people have given themselves permission to move.

Chris Rose: 02:12 It’s permission and practice, I think. Because there’s the mental component, which we’ll talk about. Then there’s the physical component of actually being used to and normalizing physical movement during sex. I think this comes from a lot of places, like when you look at sex in movies, often there’s kiss kiss and then you fall into bed, and the woman arches her back but doesn’t really move much. She just gets kind of plunged into. The movement that we depict men doing is mostly just in and out thrusting. Both of these are very limited visions of what sex can look like, and during masturbation for a lot of people, they lie completely still. We’ll get into that of how to use masturbation to practice movement. Yeah, I think it comes from both the mental and the physical lack of practice in this realm.

Chris Rose: 03:07 Why is movement important? Why is it more pleasurable to be moving your body in all these different ways? We’ll cover how you can move, but why is it more pleasurable if you’re moving more? Why is movement a good thing in the bedroom?

Charlotte Rose: 03:23 We know that arousal is really about blood flow which sounds deeply un-sexy, but our erections in men and women are all from engorgement from blood flow coming to the area. The more we’re physically moving our body, the more we’re waking up the muscles and releasing tension, and making more space, literally, for blood and pleasure to move into these areas.

Chris Rose: 03:46 Right, and so when we start moving and relax that tension out, we get more blood flow not only to the genitals but to the full body. So many people experience sexual arousal just in their genitals and the rest of the body is kind of numbed out. By moving, you are activating more of the body and you can start feeling arousal in your full body, leading to this experience of the full body orgasm, which has to be felt to be believed. But, the idea there is that arousal is flowing through all parts of your body. As you’re moving, waking up your body, you have more physical capacity for pleasure because it spreads through your whole body. This idea of space, I think, can sound esoteric, but really what we’re talking about is your whole body becomes a vessel for arousal and that’s much bigger than your genitals alone, which is great.

Chris Rose: 04:43 Moving also creates more friction for the genitals themselves. If you’re just lying still and someone’s pumping in and out of your hole … Charlotte cringes at that image … well, that’s kind of what happens, right, and so their genitals are only rubbing up around your genitals in certain ways with that in and out, pumping into a still hole, right? But, if you are moving your hips and grinding your hips into your lover’s body and starting to move in the ways that feel better for you, you can actually create more friction between your pelvises and this can create more arousal for both of you, and especially for a woman who can find the ways to rub her pelvis into the pubic bone, and the penis, or the toy, or the hand that’s penetrating her, and that friction can wake up way more of the clitoral tissue, which is not just on the outside. The clitoris extends deep into the body and has these deep roots, which as you move, that whole clitoral body gets awakened, activated, and starts sending pleasure signals to your brain.

Chris Rose: 05:52 Which brings me to the next point which is the spine. In Tantra conditions and Kundalini traditions, we see this image of energy and pleasure running up and down the spine. This can seem, again, esoteric, but the anatomical reality is that every nerve that enervates all parts of your body, runs through the spinal column. It’s the central conduit of your nervous system, and so as you move and flex your spine, and a lot of the movements we’re going to talk about involve spinal movements, when you move your spine, you’re waking up all the nerves that go to every single part of your body, and again creating the capacity for more pleasure signals to be running to the brain. If you visualize the nervous system, it’s like a branching roadway of nerves that extend out to the tips of your fingers, and the tips of your toes, and every part of your body, and they call come back, go up through the spine into the brain where they communicate messages through electrical signals, that your brain then interprets as pleasure and creates the feedback of arousal.

Chris Rose: 07:03 That was a lot. But, the idea there is that through moving the spine and activating the full body, you’re creating this bigger vessel for arousal and pleasure. Your entire body becomes part of your sexual experience and lo and behold, you can experience more pleasure, more arousal, more engagement, and more fun during sex. It’s much more fun to move and respond, and let your whole body be part of it, than it is to lie there still with nervousness and anxiousness.

Charlotte Rose: 07:36 Beautiful. I love it when go on a, I don’t want to call it a rant, but it’s a flow.

Chris Rose: 07:41 It’s a rave.

Charlotte Rose: 07:42 It’s a rave, yes.

Chris Rose: 07:44 A pleasure based rave.

Charlotte Rose: 07:46 But also, that was beautifully said, I feel like that covered lots, and I think of course as this experience when your body is more fully engaged in the experience where you’re able to be really present in your body, you can feel your body more and you’re not so much in your mind worrying and tripping out on things. You’re feeling the experience of having sex more fully. That’s going to feel better.

Chris Rose: 08:09 Okay, so let’s talk about why do we get stuck in our heads? What happens? What’s that mental trip during sex that prevents us from moving and locks down the body into rigidity and tension? What are some of the factors there? There’s a lot that can go into that, but some of the most common mental trips that people go on that cause them to be still, or rigid, or tense during sex. Let’s drive in.

Charlotte Rose: 08:34 Shame, self-judgment, the, “Am I doing it right?” “Is this dirty?” “What does this mean about me that I’m doing this?”

Chris Rose: 08:41 “Are they gonna still respect me in the morning?” “What does my partner think?”

Charlotte Rose: 08:45 “What does my mother think?” I mean, people really go there. It sounds funny, but a lot of people are like, “What are my grandmother gonna think about me?”

Chris Rose: 08:52 We did an episode about kicking your mother out of bed in your mental trips. For sure. All these causes of shame and then there’s the body shame, which is I think is a big one around movement, because so many people worry that if they start moving more, A) Their fat’s gonna jiggle in the wrong or they’ll look stupid, or funny, or feel goofy, and there’s a lot of worry about the doing it right piece, and if I start moving, will my partner think I’m weird, or I’m being too much?

Charlotte Rose: 09:23 Or is it not sexy?

Chris Rose: 09:25 Acting like a slut or …

Charlotte Rose: 09:27 Seem like you like it too much? Yeah, there’s a lot going on in our minds when we’re fucking.

Chris Rose: 09:31 We could go on and on, I think. But, think about it for yourself. In the times you’ve had sex where you felt locked down and constricted, what were the mental trips that were going through your head? What were the messages that were blocking your ability to relax into sex, have fun with it, and move freely?

Chris Rose: 09:51 Another way to think about this, strangely, is what happens on the dance floor? Because so often, if you think about being at a party and a good song comes on, and there’s that one person that starts dancing, and then a few other people join in, what prevents you from getting on the dance floor and just dancing your heart out, and dancing in ways that feel good to you and feel fun? It’s strangely a lot of the same trips. “Am I gonna look stupid?” “Do I look too sexy?” “Do I not look sexy enough?” “Are my fat gonna wiggle in the wrong way?” “Will I look stupid?” Will people judge me?”

Charlotte Rose: 10:23 “Am I doing this right?”

Chris Rose: 10:24 Yeah, and it’s so interesting because I think our culture sends us all these messages that keep us still, both in and out of bed. They prevent movement.

Chris Rose: 10:36 I was at the gas station, this is a little detour, but I’ll keep it brief. I was at the gas station the other day, and while I was filling my pump I was doing squats because I had been driving for just 20 minutes, but I was feeling stiff. So, I used that few minutes while my tank was filling to get a little exercise and get some blood flow going, and I was squatting. This guy came out and he looked at me, and he gave me this really weird look. For a moment I felt kind of judged, and you know, here I am, this butch woman doing squats at the gas pump, and he was like, “That’s a really good idea. Why don’t we all do that?”

Charlotte Rose: 11:07 Oh!

Chris Rose: 11:08 I know, and he was like, “I’m gonna do that next time.” It’s this thing of being out in public, with the public eye, or even just with your lover, your trusted lover, your partner’s gaze upon you, movement becomes terrifying.

Charlotte Rose: 11:24 Well, that’s so true. Any time any of us move more, it gives people permission to do more moving. I don’t know if you’ve seen in airports, sometimes people are doing stretching and moving around, and other people will start picking up on that and start moving their shoulders. We’re social animals. When one person gives us permission to feel a little more physically free, it kind of does spread. It’s amazing. It’s amazing. But, this is why I really believe that people having dance parties in their living room, privately, is fantastic sex practice.

Chris Rose: 11:58 Even if it’s just you?

Charlotte Rose: 11:59 Absolutely. Have dance parties of one, or two if you want. Putting on a song and dancing, and doing hip circles is fantastic sex practice, because you’re beginning to let yourself move in this way that we never move with that kind of hip movement anywhere in our life regularly. That would be really weird, unless you’re dancing or doing some kind of physical … I mean, yoga doesn’t even have those kinds of movements. Dancing or just moving is so great for breaking up tension in the hips.

Chris Rose: 12:30 Let’s talk about the hips. You mentioned circles. You’re talking about dancing. Let’s take the image into bed and onto the dance floor. We’re gonna use this parallel. What are a couple different ways of moving in and out of bed that increase pleasure? So, hip circles, number one. Taking that pelvic bowl of yours, your hips, your pelvis, and moving it in a circular motion. Do it with me now if you can. Okay, so hip circles. Hip thrusts which means moving the pelvis more in that thrusting up and down or in and out motion. This again, men and women, try it. Move this way. See how it feels. Circles, thrusts and then there’s undulations, which is creating a wavelike motion, initiating it in your pelvis and letting that travel up your spine. Your whole pelvis and spine are moving in a wavelike motion. It’s up, and then you flex, and then you fall back, and you create this wavelike pattern.

Chris Rose: 13:34 These are the three major ones. There’s obviously lots of other ways of moving your body. We encourage you to explore all of the different ways your body wants to move. But, if you think of these three major categories, circles, thrusts and undulations, you’ll have a really good start of moving in bed.

Charlotte Rose: 13:53 Yeah, that’s a great physical vocabulary, if you will.

Chris Rose: 13:55 You can practice this is a number of ways. As Charlotte said, you can practice it alone, while dancing, put on music and practice these three patterns of movement. See how they feel. Which one feels more pleasurable to you? Where do you feel like you get stuck? Where is there tension? Which one feels hardest to you? Practice these three movements just standing up and lying down on your own.

Charlotte Rose: 14:21 Yeah, and you’ll feel awkward in moments, possibly. That’s a perfect person to feel awkward with.

Chris Rose: 14:26 Yourself. Solo.

Charlotte Rose: 14:27 Yourself. No one’s watching and that’s exactly the point because if we don’t move these ways ever, how are we supposed to do that when we’re in the throes of passion? It’s impossible.

Chris Rose: 14:38 Well, the next step then is to masturbate with these three movements. Masturbate however you normally do, with your hand, or the vibrator, but add in circles, thrusts and undulations. Notice how you feel. Notice when pleasure spikes. If you’re holding your vibrator to your clit, or you’re stroking your cock and you start undulating your spine, what happens? How do you feel differently? This is your pleasure laboratory and you get to explore what feels good to you on your own terms, again, without that gaze of a partner.

Chris Rose: 15:11 The third step is incorporating these movements into partnered sex.

Charlotte Rose: 15:16 If you’re comfortable, I think sharing with your partner that you listen to this podcast, and you’ve been exploring these movements, and you want to try moving in a new way during sex, so can we experiment together? Will you let me know what you like afterwards, what you don’t, what works for you? There might be some experimentation where it maybe doesn’t feel so good, or feels a little strange, but that’s part of the experimenting. I think having a conversation letting them know that you’re trying new things is a great thing to do so you can kind of get rid of that piece of, “Am I gonna look weird?”

Chris Rose: 15:47 If you’re worried about how you look, if that visual gaze is what’s holding you back, throw a blindfold on your lover. A blindfold is a great tool to get rid of that idea that you’re being seen, and just focus on the sensations. Ask your lover if they’re willing to be blindfolded, and then you get to move your body in all of these different ways without being seen, build up some confidence, and then down the road you can take the blindfold off and allow them to see your body in its glorious movement.

Chris Rose: 16:19 It’s worth nothing here that most people who are choosing to have sex with you want to see your body move. It’s actually a huge turn on for most people to see that pleasure response, to see your body in its beautiful movement, to see you responding to their touch. Most people are gonna be really turned on by this and if you can get over your own shame, and your own worry, and your own feelings about your body, and notice that it’s actually arousing your lover, this can be very liberating and can be a new source of turn on for you, which is always a good thing.

Charlotte Rose: 16:57 Yes, very few men are concerned about body fat jiggling when they’re getting to have sex with you.

Chris Rose: 17:04 Or your breasts falling into your armpits, like, they just are excited to see your boobs and think they’re gorgeous and magnificent.

Charlotte Rose: 17:10 Yeah, they are must less judgmental than you and so if you can really believe that at some point, and the more fully in what you’re doing, the more passion, and presence, and enthusiasm you bring to having sex, the sexier you’ll be.

Chris Rose: 17:25 Yes. It goes both ways. Men have body shame too and are worried about how they look during sex, and if their belly is jiggling too much, or if their cock’s too small, or whatever it is. I think we can all benefit from getting over our body shame and recognizing that we are choosing to have sex with one another. Let’s choose to be visually turned on by one another and celebrate each other’s bodies as they are moving in response to pleasure.

Chris Rose: 17:51 As you experiment moving, there’s a few different things to keep in mind. You can both be moving and kind of find that grind, and that circles, and everyone’s moving all at once, and you’re finding your rhythm together and becoming this symphony of movement, and coordinating. But, you can also take turns. One person holds totally still and the other one moves for their own pleasure and finds that right rhythm for them. You can hold still inside one another.

Charlotte Rose: 18:19 But how does that feel different than the dead fish syndrome?

Chris Rose: 18:24 If the woman wants to hold still, and the guy practices all these different movements and gets out of the in and out thrusting pattern-

Charlotte Rose: 18:31 And is moving in circles-

Chris Rose: 18:32 He’s moving in circles and says, “How does that feel? Am I grinding against your g-spot now? How does it feel when I undulate my hips? How does it feel when I hold still inside you and then do very subtle movements?” Through her stillness, she’s still a very active participant. That is very different than just lying still without any feedback, and without any conversation, without any diversity of movement. He can hold still and just let his cock be still, and then she moves in and out against it. She practices to death. She can get on top. You can practice this in any position. In fact, try different positions because you can move your hips differently when you’re in doggy style or tiger style as some people like to call it versus lying flat on the mattress. Put your feet on the mattress so your knees are bent and your feet are grounded, and try moving your pelvis like that versus having your legs extended, or wrapped around his waist.

Charlotte Rose: 19:32 With thrusting, people often imagine just the man thrusting. But, let’s remember that a woman can move against the thrusting as well and … what?

Chris Rose: 19:43 Yes.

Charlotte Rose: 19:43 Yes, and both in the same rhythm as you were saying, or opposing, so you’re really like pushing into that cock. That can be a great way to really feel active, and feel engaged, and be present.

Chris Rose: 19:57 I wish we were on video now because you’re doing some great hand and body thrusting motions. Yeah, thrust those hips ladies.

Charlotte Rose: 20:08 Yeah. Get into it. Be part of it. You don’t have to just be fucked. You can be fucking while you’re being fucked, you know what I’m saying? It is a mutual fucking thing that’s happening. That can be really fun. It’s a really particular energy. It’s a bit more aggressive, a bit more animated, and that can feel really good. It can increase the pleasure. With all the circling and with all the exploring, you can be searching for the sensations that feel best. That’s really what’s important. You can be feeling for what parts inside you and the friction that the motions are creating. You’re really searching with your body for what feels best.

Chris Rose: 20:48 And then what happens when you find it?

Charlotte Rose: 20:50 You can communicate with your sounds, “That feels so good” with your words.

Chris Rose: 20:54 Yes, right there.

Charlotte Rose: 20:55 Yeah, and then keep going with it. Keep staying with it then and explore, and make sure you let your partner know, “That feels really good. Let’s stay here.” As I said, words or movement, and just keep going with it and see what happens. Yeah. It’s exciting.

Chris Rose: 21:11 Have fun.

Charlotte Rose: 21:12 Enjoy exploring your moving pelvises together.

Chris Rose: 21:17 Circles, thrusting, undulations, try them all.

Charlotte Rose: 21:21 Undulations, it’s such an unusual movement for us to do. We never do undulations in this culture ever, really. I can’t think of any moment where one would do that, so that might feel very unusual and of course makes great sense when the woman’s on top.

Chris Rose: 21:35 You can do it in any position, really.

Charlotte Rose: 21:37 Yeah, or lying back, yes. You’re right.

Chris Rose: 21:39 It’s something to practice before you apply it.

Charlotte Rose: 21:42 Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Chris Rose: 21:43 We’re gonna find some YouTube videos for you of these movements so you can see what they look like and follow along, especially undulations. It’s good to see that in action and be able to practice along with it.

Chris Rose: 21:58 Until the day we can show you in person, we will use the power of YouTube. You can find that on the podcast page for this episode which is episode number 176 over at PleasureMechanics.com.

Chris Rose: 22:10 The point here is to play and we should remember that sex is play for grownups, and if you give yourself permission to be playful and move, and even if it makes you laugh a little bit, or you feel a little goofy in moments, when you give yourself permission to move and activate your entire body, sex is going to open up for you and you’re gonna discover new ways of being aroused, new levels of arousal, full body orgasm, there’s all these treats waiting for you on the other side of that invisible veil that tells you to stay still and just take it.

Charlotte Rose: 22:54 Invisible veil of shame. That’s a good imagery. I mean, it is because I think that we are boxed in by this brain trip that we are on. It’s a really great image for people.

Chris Rose: 23:07 Some other final closing ideas. If this is hard for you and you’re finding it hard to get started, go to a dance class. Go to a yoga class. Sign up for a martial arts series. Do anything that gets you out with other people and gives you permission to move your body in new ways. Just that step will start activating your movement in and out of the bedroom, and it’s a great thing to do together as a couple or individually.

Chris Rose: 23:36 So many of us have these patterns of moving. We lie still during the night. We get out of bed. We make our coffee and we sit in our car. We sit at our desk. We come home. We sit on the couch. We sit, sit, sit. We walk, barely, but we don’t have opportunities to move our bodies in all of the magnificent ways they are designed to move. Watch dance videos on YouTube. Get into the idea of movement as an erotic practice, as a practice of being human, and see what it does for you. It could open up a lot beyond full body orgasms, as if that’s not enough. It could open up so much for you, and this is true if you are totally healthy and active, or if you are sedentary or if you are older and have achy joints. Wherever you are in your body, you can find new ways to move. That can be subtle. It can be huge. Yes.

Charlotte Rose: 24:36 It’s a great thing to do if you’re single and want to just explore and expand your masturbation practice.

Chris Rose: 24:43 If you’re not single and want to expand your masturbation practice.

Charlotte Rose: 24:47 Totally, but I think sometimes we have this cultural idea that you’re waiting to have sex, good sex, until you have your next partner.

Chris Rose: 24:53 Yeah.

Charlotte Rose: 24:54 This is a great whole world to play with and practice.

Chris Rose: 24:58 Yes. Become an artful masturbator. Yes. Alright.

Charlotte Rose: 25:04 Our darling erotic explorers.

Chris Rose: 25:06 Move your body, ody, odies. Let us know how it goes. We’d love to hear feedback from you, or experiences of what happens when you start moving that beautiful body of yours in and out of the bedroom. You can always be in touch with us at PleasureMechanics.com where you will also find our series of online multimedia erotic mastery courses. These courses are multimedia online programs designed to help you master new, erotic skills in the privacy of your own home, at your own pace. We cover everything from full body massage, to foreplay mastery, to naughtier things. Go check them out at PleasureMechanics.com/courses where you’ll find a button at the top of every page. When you are ready to master new erotic skills, use the code speakingofsex for 20% off the online course of your choice. Join us. We’d love to be your coaches and cheerleaders as new worlds of erotic pleasure open up for you. We are grateful for that opportunity. Be in touch with any questions. I’m Chris.

Charlotte Rose: 26:15 I’m Charlotte.

Chris Rose: 26:17 We’re the Pleasure Mechanics.

Charlotte Rose: 26:18 Wishing you a lifetime of pleasure.

The Truth About The Clitoris

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The Truth About The Clitoris :: Free Podcast Episode

Think you know the truth about the clitoris? Think again. In this episode you’ll find out about the full female pleasure anatomy – from the internal clitoris (it’s about the same size as the penis!) to the urethral sponge and the other major components of the female pleasure system. Get to know it and unleash way more pleasure – for yourself or your lover!

This episode features information from both Rebecca Chalker’s The Clitoral Truth and Sheri Winston’s Women’s Anatomy of Arousal.

Much of what we know about female sexual anatomy was pioneered by the Federation of Feminist Women’s Health Centers and their amazing book A New View of a Woman’s Body

We also share a portion from Sheri Winston’s blog, which you can find by clicking here.

Clitoris_inner_anatomy

EdSim_Clitoris_anatomy (1)

Neither of these images includes the perineal sponge that is located between the vaginal opening and the anal area. These images also do not show the urethral sponge that surround the urethra. Finding images that show the full detail of the female erectile tissue is challenging, as these areas are often ignored! Sheri Winston’s book has great images. We will keep trying to find complete images we can share here!

Also if you are interested in female pleasure, be sure to check out our legendary Foreplay Mastery Course!

Rimming: What You Need To Know

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Rimming What You Need To Know : Free Podcast Episode

Rimming is a slang term for analingus (also spelled anilingus) The term analingus was first used by sexologist Richard von Krafft-Ebing in 1886, but the act has surely been practiced for as long as humans have been walking this earth!

While often considered an extreme sex act, rimming is really just an extension of oral sex. Rather than just stimulating the genitals, rimming includes the perineum and anal area. Rimming can be external only or also include penetrating the anus with the tongue.

Rimming is often thought of as “dirty” due to the taboo of oral-anal contact. While there are certainly hygiene and safety concerns to be aware of (which we will cover in this article) there is nothing inherently “dirty” about this sex act. Some people eroticize the taboo – if it adds to the erotic thrill for you then you can play with the idea of this act being emotionally and physically edgy. Or, you can enjoy rimming without any shame or hesitation. You choose the emotional approach that feels right to you!

Why Is Rimming Pleasurable?

The anal area contains dense concentrations of nerve endings that are directly wired into the sexual system. This is true for both men and women. Stimulation of the external anal area creates highly arousing sensations for most people. You can use fingers or toys to stimulate the anal area, or, in the case of rimming, your mouth and tongue. Rimming creates the warm and wet sensations of oral stimulation which many people find very arousing, as well as the emotional thrills of the intense intimacy of the act.

Rimming And Other Sex Acts

Rimming can be enjoyed on it’s own but is usually most arousing when done in combination with other sex acts. The combinations are endless but here are a few of the most popular rimming combos:

Rimming + Oral Sex: Start with oral and then move back to rimming. Unless you are using a barrier method, never go from rimming to genital stimulation.
Rimming + Manual Stimulation: While you are rimming your partner you can use one or both hands to stimulate the genitals with fingering or handjob techniques (master these skills with our Foreplay Mastery Course) The combination of hands and mouth can stimulate the entire sexual system at once and create unforgettable symphonies of pleasure. One amusing name for this combination is “The Rusty Trombone” which refers to rimming from the back while reaching around and giving a handjob. What would the equivalent on a female be called ? Imagine someone rimming while reaching around and stimulating her clitoris with exquisite fingering techniques. I think we’ll coin it The French Horn! Hope that name sticks!

Rimming Hygiene and Safety

Like all sex acts, rimming has risk that can be reduced through hygiene and safer sex practices.

The primary risks of rimming are parasites transmitted through contact with feces and sexually transmitted infections. These infections include bacterial diseases and viral diseases including HPV, gonorrhea, chlamydia and other sexually transmitted infections.

To minimize the risks of rimming, follow these guidelines:

Wash the area well just before engaging in rimming. Use soap and water to wash the entire anal area thoroughly.
If you are going to include internal rimming, use an enema bulb with plain warm water (never use soap, vinegar or any other substance in the rectum!) to flush out the area until the water comes out clean.
For added safety, use a barrier between the mouth and the anus. A dental dam, latex condom cut up the side to make a flat surface, or even saran wrap can be used to minimize microbial exchange.
Never perform rimming when there are sores or cuts present on either the mouth of the giver or the anus of the receiver.
Do not move from the anus to the genitals. If you want to include both the genitals and anal area in a sex session, start with the genitals and then move back to the anal area to finish off. You can continue to stimulate the genitals with a clean hand.

Rimming is just one way to unlock the pleasures of the anal area. If you are curious about how to touch the anal area for maximum pleasure (with or without penetration!) check out our Anal Sex Mastery Course (for stimulating women) and the Prostate Massage Mastery Course (for stimulating men) Whether or not you choose to include rimming, using your hands to stimulate the anal area can add huge amounts of arousal to your sex life.