Pleasure Mechanics

  • Start Here
  • Podcast
  • Sessions
  • Online Courses
  • Index

Romantic Sex

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Romantic Sex :: Free Podcast Episode

What makes sex romantic?

There is a myth that all sex is romantic – this is far from true. Sex can be totally primal, focused exclusively on the physical sensations and release. Sex can be anonymous and generate orgasms without you ever knowing the other person’s name. Sex can be fierce and intense, venting extra physical and emotional tension. And sex can be deeply romantic, all about connecting with your partner and finding profound emotional intimacy together through the physical act of sex.

What Is Romantic Sex?

If romance is not about flowers and candlelight, what are the core elements of romantic sex?  The experience of romance is different for everyone, but there are some common themes that work for most of us.

Here are the most common elements of romantic sex:

  • Authentic emotion: Romantic sex is deeply emotional. It expresses intense desire, longing and affection. Romance can express the full range of emotions from urgent lust to deep affection.
  • Drama: Romantic sex cuts through the routine of everyday life and creates a moment of drama. This might mean an elegant dress-up date at a fancy restaurant or a slow dance in your living room. Romantic sex gets you out of your rut so you can truly pay attention to your feelings and connection.
  • Presence: For a truly romantic experience, you need to both be fully present, paying attention to one another and allowing yourself to feel your connection. If you find yourself distracted, try to come back to the moment and allow yourself the luxury of paying full attention to your partner, your emotions and the experience of romantic sex.
  • Personalization: One of the reasons roses and candy can feel unromantic is because these gestures are totally generic. To create an authentic romantic sex experience, you need to personalize the experience as much as possible. Perhaps your partner loves tulips, so you can forget the roses and fill the room with a few dozen tulips instead. Pay attention to your partner’s expressions of desire and met their specific needs. Nothing is more romantic than being paid attention to.
  • Connection: At the core of romance is the intimate connection between two people. Allow yourself to get vulnerable enough to really feel this connection. Look into your partner’s eyes, make as much skin contact as possible, and let yourself celebrate the specific connection you have. Verbalize and express what you specifically adore about this person to maximize your connection.  

How to Ask for Sex Without Being Creepy

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

This episode has been retired.

This episode was originally inspired by a blog post from Charlie Glickman. After the date of publication, Charlie Glickman has begun to take public accountability for perpetuating sexual harm, relational abuse and other forms of harm while leveraging his position as a sexuality professional to justify and continue his abuse. With this new information, we have retired this episode and no longer recommend Glickman as a trusted resource.

The irony of the topic of this podcast is not lost on us.

Sex and Depression with JoEllen Notte

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

SMSOS166

Millions of people struggle with chronic depression – and all of them have a sexuality. Yet the relationship between sex and depression is rarely discussed.

On this podcast episode, JoEllen Notte shares her wisdom about sex and depression. Hit the “play” button above to listen to this conversation. If you know someone who lives with chronic depression, consider sending them this episode. To make it easy for you at the bottom of this page there is some language for an email to send to your friends.They’ll thank you for it!

JoEllen Notte conducted a survey about sex and depression, gathering responses from over 1,000 people. She then did in-depth interviews with about 20. Her findings revealed fascinating information about sex and depression, including insights that she shares on this podcast episode. She is currently working on a book focused on sex and depression, which will be a priceless tool for so many.

In this episode we discuss:

  • the sexual side effects of antidepressants
  • how to work with your doctor to find the right medications to minimize sexual side effects
  • strategies for reclaiming your sexuality during depressive episodes
  • how to communicate with your partner about sex when you are depressed
  • the importance of broadening your understanding of sexuality so you can find pleasure
  • how to make more conscious decisions about sexuality while you are depressed

If you or someone you love lives with chronic depression, this is a not-to-be-missed episode.

Here is some language for a possible email to send to someone you care about. Or of course just write from your heart.

Hey there. I came across this podcast episode and thought it might be useful for you. I know it isn’t something you probably talk about with a lot of people, but I saw this and thought of you and I want you to know I care about you and respect you and thought this information might be of interest. If not, just know I care! Here’s the link to the episode: http://wp.me/p2oEB2-Kv

Kinky Communication 101 with Patrick Califia

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Kinky Communication 101 :: Free Podcast Episode

Patrick Califia, one of the best known BDSM educators, shares a five step communication cycle for talking to your partner about sexual fantasies, kinky sex and other forbidden subjects. These erotic communication tools are also useful for anytime you want to talk to your partner about a vulnerable topic.

This podcast features an excerpt from Patrick Califia’s book Sensuous Magic: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples.

You can get this book for free from Audible by going to AudibleTrial.com/Pleasure and enrolling in a free trial membership!

Ready to explore kinky sex? The Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course guides you into the thrilling adventure of kinky sex, one step at a time! Designed for total beginners and more experienced players alike, you’ll master all the skills you need to have exciting kinky adventures while avoiding the most common pitfalls. If you are ready for your next erotic journey, dive in here.

Pelvic Floor Exercises For Better Sex

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Pelvic Floor Exercises For Better Sex :: Free Podcast Episode

What Are The Pelvic Floor Muscles?

  • 3 layers of muscle that hold up organs and hold bones of pelvis together.
  • Also includes the muscles of orifices: urethra, anus and vagina
  • The pelvic diaphragm is the deep, large and thick layer of muscles in the pelvis

The pelvic floor muscles are a web, with tons of blood vessels and nerve fibers running through them.

Why Relax The Pelvic Floor?

We all carry way too much tension in our gluteal muscles and the pelvic floor. We sit for too many hours and don’t get enough exercise. We also have so much sexual shame and tension that causes chronic constriction in this area. Simply put, we are a tight assed culture.

Constrictions in the muscle can pinch off blood flow or interrupt the function of nerve endings. Both of these symptoms of tight muscles will limit arousal, erection and orgasm.

Too much tension in the pelvic floor does way more than weaken our sexual response. Over time, it can lead to stagnation in the vital organs of the pelvis. Too weak muscles can lead to conditions like vaginal prolapse. Incontinence and constipation are also related to the pelvic muscles. For pelvic health and optimal sexual functioning, we all need to pay attention to the pelvic floor and use simple practices to release chronic constriction, increase strength and improve flexibility.

Are Kegels The Right Pelvic Floor Exercises?

Katy Bowman calls for an end to the obsession with kegels.

In graduate school (where I was getting my MS in Biomechanics) I focused my studies on “where pelvic floor disorders come from.” I found this important because in math and engineering fields, where I came from, you can’t work on a problem’s solution until the problem is well defined. In disease research, however, there isn’t really research into the why or the how – only on trying to figure out the remedy. In doing my research on the physics of the pelvis, movement, and how the pelvic floor works, it became clear that while the pelvic floor’s problem was weakness, it was weakness that is the result of too much tension – not weakness that comes from flopping around.

The ultimate goal is to develop both strength and flexibility in the pelvic floor. This goes for both men and women.

Kegels, a term coined by Arnold Kegel in 1948, were once taught to women as part of preparing for childbirth. Then they became trendy to recommend to everyone to improve orgasm. The idea was stronger muscles would lead to stronger orgasms. Now we know better, and recognize that you need both strength and flexibility. Clenches alone can reinforce the tension that is already there, leading to more constriction.

How Do I Begin Exploring Pelvic Floor Exercises?

One easy way to assess the strength of your pelvic floor muscles is to blow up a balloon while noticing the sensations in the pelvic floor area. If you feel sensations like you have to pee, this might mean weak pelvic floor muscles.

A great way to get a sense of the pelvic floor is to look at it with a mirror. You can either use a hand mirror or lie in front of a full length mirror and prop up your head so you can see. Take a look around, and then start clenching and releasing your pelvic muscles and notice the movement.

One of the selling points of kegels is that you can do them anywhere and no one will know. The truth is, a full pelvic health practice requires a bit more time and attention. But we all sit around too much anyway, so what if your television time worked double time as your pelvic power time? A few simple stretches and strengthening exercises go a long way towards pelvic health, even if it is just a few minutes a few times a week.

To release chronic constriction, add a few stretches into your life. Check out the videos below for some great pelvic floor exercises to relax your pelvic muscles. 

To strengthen your pelvic muscles, add in pelvic floor exercises like squats and lunges.

Squats might be hard at first, but stick with it and over time you’ll be able to squat deeper and hold it for longer. Squat just a little at first, only going down as far as you can, and make a mental note of how deep you can go. Check in week after week and you’ll begin to notice big changes! Remember that humans are designed to squat, we just have lost the habit so have to retrain the body to get back into this very natural position.

Use Pelvic Massage To Complement Pelvic Floor Exercises

It is important to get a hands-on sense of how tight your pelvic floor is. To get a benchmark feel, press into your perineum (the area between your genitals and anus) and see if it feels tight, loose or in between. The ideal state is a bit like a trampoline: taut but supple. Perineal and anal massage is a great practice for both men and women. External massage in this area is incredibly relaxing and deeply pleasurable, and can be done solo or partnered. Check out podcast episode #153 for a full discussion of anal and perineal massage.

As promised, here is a photo of Chris’ pelvic floor muscle tattoos!

Pelvic Floor Exercises: Books and Websites

Pelvic Power: Mind/Body Exercises for Strength, Flexibility, Posture, and Balance for Men and Women by Eric Franklin

The Female Pelvis Anatomy & Exercises by Blandine Calais-Germain

Katy Bowman On Squats

Katy Bowman Pelvic Stretching DVD

Pelvic Floor Exercises: Video Demonstrations

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 37
  • 38
  • 39
  • 40
  • 41
  • …
  • 69
  • Next Page »
  • About Us
  • Speaking of Sex Podcast
  • Online Courses
  • Affiliate Program

Return to top of page