podcast — Page 64 — Pleasure Mechanics

First Time Sex? The Beginner’s Guide To Great Sex

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No matter if you are having first time sex or have been having sex for decades, there is always more to learn to enjoy more sexual pleasure and freedom.

This podcast offers advice for anyone who wants to enjoy better sexual intercourse, from beginners to advanced lovers.

In response to a listener’s question, we offer specific strategies aimed at those who have never had pleasurable intercourse before.

If you are having first time sex, or just want to totally change the way you make love, be sure to check out our Foreplay Mastery Course to get the skills you need for a satisfying and pleasurable sex life.

More On Our Beginner’s Guide to Great Sex

In this podcast, we include advice for both men and women. Great sex begins with a good attitude towards sex, so we start with advice on how to overcome sexual shame and hangups that prevent you from being present during sexual intimacy.

Next, we dive into tips on becoming more communicative and expressive during sex. From making more noise to asking for what you want to moving your body in response to pleasure, we help you get over the nervousness and anxiety that cause you to unresponsive during sex.

We break down tons of sexual myths that put pressure on us to perform a specific way, give advice on how to make using condoms more pleasurable and even give strategies for better penetration and thrusting.

This episode is packed with sex advice that we all can learn something from, whether or not you are a sexual newbie!

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Check out our complete list of Speaking of Sex episodes!

You can submit a question to be answered on future episodes on our Ask Us Anything page!

This podcast episode was inspired by this question, submitted by a listener:

Question:: Hi, Pleasure Mechanics. I often listen to your delightful podcast. I will now try to challenge your “nothing is taboo” motto, by inquiring into something you’ve never come close to discussing. So brace yourselves…I wonder about BEGINNERS. That is, men and women who are justifiably ready for sex, but have never had sex (i.e. coitus). What follows is a small sample of practical beginner questions that come to my mind. I bet you can come up with other good, practical questions which you also may want to address in your podcast, sometime, for the countless people who are far less sexually experienced than you or your regular clients.

First question: how can a male beginner who has only a vague idea what physical action to take during sex, overcome confusion long enough to maintain an erection?

Second question: how can a female beginner, if she has little strength and experience–especially compared to men–get comfortable enough to do anything other than remain motionless during sex?

Third question: how can a male beginner maintain an erection and pleasure, despite thinking his genital sensitivity is shut off when his condom is put on?

Fourth question: how can either a male or female beginner, even if he/she believes sex can be a great expression of love, overcome a simultaneous de-energizing feeling that sex is also kind of gross? Thanks so much!

Married And Flirting

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Is it ok to be attracted to someone else when you are married?

When does flirting become cheating?

We explore how to keep a marriage safe while enjoying being attracted to and flirting with other people!

Learn how to set clear boundaries with your partner to avoid feelings of betrayal. Discover proven strategies for creating a more secure relationship so you can have more trust and confidence with your partner.

Married and flirting? This is a must-listen episode!

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Question::

I’m very happily married, and have a great sex life, but lately I’ve been fantasizing / desiring a close family friend of ours. I would not do anything realistically to break the bond with my wife, but I feel a lot of guilt due to my feelings toward the other woman. Is this a normal thing? I would never (I don’t think…) do anything considered rude behavior to our friend. We tease at times, but it is just considered innocent behavior, and she feels very comfortable around me, and I her. I think I’m just going through some sort of confusing phase in my life. What advice would you propose? I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings, or put anything or anyone in an uncomfortable situation. Matters of the heart can get muddled at times….

Answer::

Hey,

Thanks for being in touch.

Being married and flirting can be a tough combination. One misstep and you may end up with a lot of emotional fallout. Being married and flirting should not be mutually exclusive, however! Flirting can be totally innocent and make you feel good about yourself.

First, let us assure you that your feelings are totally normal. Married and flirting? Join the club! Most people, married or otherwise, feel attraction to more than one person. Most of the time flirting is totally harmless and can actually feel great, giving you more confidence and energy to bring back to your wife.

There is a huge difference between Fantasy and Desire – we all can have very active fantasies that do not match our desire for real life experience. For more on this point, read here: http://www.pleasuremechanics.com/fantasy/

Keeping a clear line between fantasy and desire is crucial – just like you can go to a horror movie and enjoy the fantasy of it, but not really want to experience blood and gore in real life, your fantasy life is your own. As long as you have good boundaries!

You may want to do some thinking and explore if there are any desires for real life experiences or sexual needs that are not being met, and then take small steps with your wife to become more fulfilled. Often when we fantasize about another person there is a specific energy or element that excites us (playfulness? feeling desired? danger?) and you can take steps to bring more of that into your actual sex life.

I would also say that it is normal and healthy to have intimate relationships outside of your marriage – close friendships are important! As long as you know where the boundaries are, and can trust yourself to maintain them, you can relax and enjoy the closeness. And the more you communicate and cultivate trust with your wife, the more she can relax and allow you to have intimacy with other people.

You may also want to listen to our podcast episode, How To Prevent Cheating. We explore a lot of the question about how to communicate to create solid boundaries while getting your needs met!

Let me know if you have any follow up questions!

Thanks for being in touch!

Chris

Australian Sex Expert Jacqueline Hellyer on New Ways of Thinking About Sex

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Australian sex expert Jacqueline Hellyer joins us to talk about transforming how we think and talk about sex. We cover Jacqueline’s opinions on why so many women are bored by sex, how to enjoy a more wholesome and sustainable sex life and sex as an exhausted parent.

Jacqueline is irreverent, provocative and wonderfully intelligent about sexuality.

Join Jacqueline Hellyer and Charlotte of the Pleasure Mechanics for this candid conversation that will change how you think about sex. Find more from Jacqueline at www.jacquelinehellyer.com

How To Prevent Cheating

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Cheating is one of the most common reasons that romantic relationships end. Infidelity can have devastating consequences for couples, families and individuals.

In this episode, we lay out a plan for preventing cheating and getting clear about your expectations for your relationship.

We encourage you to create an explicit agreement of trust with your lover by naming your authentic needs, desires and boundaries. With an explicit set of agreements, you are free to fully invest in your relationship and experience the depths of intimacy and love.

More About How To Prevent Cheating

Our plan to prevent cheating is all about communicating your needs, desires and boundaries.

Your needs define your baseline requirements for feeling happy, loved and taken care of. Meeting your basic needs is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Together with your partner, you can figure out how to meet your physical and emotional needs.

Once your needs are taken care of, your authentic desires can emerge. Naming your specific desires and inviting your lover to help you fulfill them is a powerful way to create a hot, pleasurable relationship.

Finally, setting specific boundaries helps prevent cheating. To prevent the emotional betrayal of cheating, you need to be clear about what you agree to as a partnership. We challenge couples to create clear boundaries without creating excessive control or fear in their relationship. What happens if you give your lover permission to be a fully independent sexual being, while trusting they can still be devoted to you? What happens if you use flirting with other people as fuel for your own intimacy? How can monogamy be an experience of loving choice, rather than a muzzle or cage?

This podcast explores how to prevent cheating with radically honest communication and authentic expression of desire. Learn how to prevent what we call “the toxic twins” of regret and resentment, and use clear communication to get over small conflicts to prevent cheating and betrayal.

We believe it is possible to strategically create a healthy, happy relationship. Use these strategies to learn how to prevent cheating and create a more exciting, nourishing long term relationship.

How To Prolong Foreplay

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Most women want more foreplay before we can enjoy the pleasures of intercourse.

Foreplay is essential to build arousal before penetration of any kind, and most of us can’t get enough. In this episode, we discuss how to expand your erotic experience by enjoying more foreplay.

We start by talking about creating a culture of pleasure in your relationship, keeping it warm so it is easier to get hot when you are ready. Then, discover ways to flirt with your lover and build up anticipation for sex throughout your days. Next, we share strategies to use couples massage to move from your everyday life to the erotic realm.

Once you are relaxed and ready to enjoy pleasure, expand your foreplay by exploring every inch of your lover’s body. Finally, we encourage you to tease your lover and build up their desire until it is brimming and ready to explode into a powerful climax. Changing your relationship to foreplay will expand your sex life and guarantee more intimacy and connection with your lover!

Master the art of foreplay with our Foreplay Mastery Online Course!