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It is very common for one person in a relationship to want sex when the other isn’t in the mood.
Mismatched libidos can quickly turn a relationship sour.
In this episode, we answer a listener’s question about what to do when her husband wants sex and she isn’t up for intercourse.
We offer lots of great strategies for keeping intimacy alive even when intercourse isn’t an option.
Pleasure Mechanics Guides Mentioned In This Episode:
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This episode was originally published in 2013, and updated in 2021 as Speaking of Sex episode #387, Fantasy Vs. Desire
Ever wanted to share a fantasy with your lover, but had no idea how to get the conversation started?
In this podcast, we share the best ways to get your lover to share a sexual fantasy with you.
We start by exploring the crucial difference between a sexual fantasy and a desire, and then offer strategies for getting your lover to open up and share with you. Talking about fantasies and naming desires is an incredibly vulnerable act, but one that can have huge benefits for your relationship and your sex life.
In this episode of our Speaking of Sex podcast, we answer a listener’s question about getting his wife to tell him what she liked about 50 Shades of Grey, but no matter what your literary preferences, you can benefit from being more honest and transparent about your fantasies with your lover.
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What Is Pegging?
Pegging is the erotic act of a woman wearing a strap-on dildo and anally penetrating a man.
This act, popularized first in the “Bend Over Boyfriend” video series, has been depicted in erotic art throughout history and across cultures.
The term “pegging” was coined by sex columnist Dan Savage, who recognized the surging popularity of the act and thought it was time this act had a good name. The term pegging stuck, and it is now one of the most popular fantasies for heterosexual men.
Pegging can be a highly pleasurable act, for both partners. The anus is one of the most highly sensitive parts of the human body, and many people love the sensations of both external and internal anal stimulation. Some people eroticize the gender play of seeing a woman wear a strap-on and take on the penetrative role in sex. Others just love the sensation of being “filled up” and enjoy the sensations of anal penetration with a strap-on toy.
Many women love the feeling of being in charge, of switching up the roles of intercourse and watching their male lover respond to the sensations of being penetrated. When a strap-on is well fitted and positioned, the base of the dildo grinds into the clitoris and pubic bone, offering pleasurable stimulation with every thrust. There are also harness and dildo models that allow a woman to wear a vibrator, or even a double-ended dildo that allows both partners to be penetrated at the same time.
Anal penetration is intense and must be taken slowly in order to be pleasurable. If rushed, anal penetration can be painful, leading to lasting injuries. So go slow!
If you are new to anal stimulation, we highly recommend starting with your fingers to begin exploring the external sensations and the slowly proceed to penetration with just one little finger, allowing the slow relaxation and opening of the anal sphincters. Our best advice is to join our Prostate Mastery Course. This online course guides you stroke by stroke through highly pleasurable external and internal stimulation. Once you master the techniques in this course, you will be ready to proceed to penetration with a larger strap-on toy and the full pegging experience, if you so choose.
Click here to check out some of our favorite pegging and strap-on sex toys at GoodVibes.com
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How do you know what you authentically desire? Dr. Jack Morin, author of The Erotic Mind, suggests that we use our own Peak Erotic Experiences, our sexual “highlight reel” to look for clues about who we are as erotic beings. He has found that what worked best for you in the past is very likely to work again in the future. This simple but powerful tool puts you in control of naming what turns you on most authentically.
In this exercise, we invite you to use memories of your Peak Erotic Experiences to create a map of the elements of what makes sex hot and memorable for you specifically.
This is a quick interactive experiment that will help you reveal the landscape of your authentic desires. We recommend repeating this exercise at least once a year, and anytime you feel stuck or unsure of what you are craving from your lover.
For an interactive guide to your Peak Erotic Experiences, join The Pleasure Pod!
“Now you are ready to begin examining your peak erotic experiences. Think of them using two seemingly mismatched metaphors. Peak turn-ons are precious jewels. To fully appreciate their glittering facets, it is necessary to gaze at them from different angles. Yet peak experiences are also onionlike. As each layer is peeled away you uncover additional information not visible on the surface” – Dr. Jack Morin, The Erotic Mind
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In this episode, we clear up common myths and share the facts about female ejaculation.
Female ejaculation is a normal, healthy expression of female sexuality. For some women it can be highly pleasurable. But it is not a sign of a more “enlightened” sexuality or even more pleasure – it is just one of many kinds of sexual response!
If you want support as you explore female orgasm, arousal and ejaculation, please join our private community! Be part of a fabulous group of men and women from all around the world, having honest and supportive conversations about sex!
Female Ejaculation is the expulsion of fluid, through the urethra, during female arousal. Female ejaculation may or may not occur at the same time as an orgasm, but normally high levels of arousal are needed to create the female ejaculatory response.
Women who ejaculate often report an intensely pleasurable feeling of release, and a different spectrum of sensations from their non-ejaculatory orgasms. Some women ejaculate almost every time they are highly aroused, other women ejaculate very infrequently.
Amount of ejaculate can vary from a small squirt or trickle to a large gush. The most recent research concludes that ejaculation and gushing are distinct sexual processes. Many women confuse the sensations of ejaculation with urination, mostly because they are unfamiliar with the concept of ejaculation or have been shamed by a previous lover.
Female ejaculation usually happens by stimulating the g-spot, the common name for the female prostate. For complete guidance on g-spot stimulation techniques, check out our Foreplay Mastery Course.
Female Ejaculation has only recently come out of the closet. While first studied by physicians in the 17th century, and documented in Sexology papers ever since, the knowledge and acceptance of female ejaculation was omitted from Western medical practice until very recently.
Meanwhile, many women have been confused and distressed about their own ejaculatory response- in the passions of sex they feel themselves (or their partners notice) a gush of fluid coming from the urethra. Without knowledge of female ejaculation, the natural assumption is that the fluid is urine. Often this triggers a shame response over having “wet the bed,” but perhaps while cleaning those sheets the women noticed that it didn’t smell like urine, and was not yellow like urine.
Just imagine if men did not know about ejaculation, and there was a cultural silence about it. Young boys would be terrified of masturbation, men would be flocking to the doctors for a diagnosis on the strange white substance coming from their urethra.
In recent years, sex educators have been on a mission to spread information and normalize female ejaculation and the female prostate. Several books, films and websites now feature female ejaculation. The result is more and more women having the aha! moment of realizing all those times they felt the urge to urinate during arousal or all those times they gushed was actually an experience of female ejaculation.
Both the male and female prostate:
* is a gland, located under the bladder, around the urethra.
* produces hormones.
* during arousal, produces fluid. In men, this fluid, along with semen, travels down the urethra and out of the body during ejaculation. In about 10-54% of females, this fluid is pushed out through the urethra.
* responds to direct and indirect stimulation, and can create strong sexual sensations and powerful orgasms.
* Female ejaculation is not “more enlightened” than other forms of female arousal and pleasure
* Some women love to ejaculate, others find it draining!
* Some women easily ejaculate, others never do!
* To discover how female ejaculation fits into your sexual expression, focus on g-spot stimulation
Female Ejaculation Comes In Two Forms (New Scientist)
A 2014 meta analysis of the research on female ejaculation, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, reports that between 10-54% of women experience some form of female ejaculation, where fluid from the female prostate is pushed out through the urethra during arousal. This research also concludes that female ejaculation is a distinct process from the “gushing” and “squirting” orgasms where a large amount of watery fluid is emitted through the urethra. Further research into the chemical composition of the distinct fluids will reveal more about the source and processes of these varieties of female sexual experiences.