relationships — Page 9 — Pleasure Mechanics

The Venn Diagram of Desire

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Is it selfish to say “no” to your lover’s sexual requests? What role do healthy boundaries play in a satisfying sex life?

Discover the Venn Diagram of Desire! You have your desires, your lover has their own, and your shared sex life is where the two overlap.

Having different interests and desires doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your relationship, it simply means you need to find your overlap and choose to go deeper together in your relationship.

In this must-listen episode, we explore how to have a fulfilling sex life – while keeping your integrity intact! Being sexually liberated doesn’t mean doing anything and everything!

True sexual freedom means knowing what your authentic desires are, being willing to have open and honest communication with your lover, and choosing what you honestly want to explore together. Negotiation is an essential skill for a successful relationship – but how do you negotiate while respecting your lover’s desires (even if they turn you off!) How do you stay true to yourself while growing and being open to new experiences?

Swinging: Should We Try It?

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A listener wrote in wanting to know if we would recommend swinging to create a sense of novelty in his long term relationship. While swinging can be fun for some couples, it only works if both partners are excited about it and enthusiastically participating. Since his wife is reluctant to try swinging, we give him some ideas on how to create novelty and a sense of erotic adventure – while deepening his commitment to his marriage at the same time.

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

Erotic Spanking Mastery Course

Couples Massage Mastery Course

Esther Perel TED Talk:

Sexting Tips

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Is sexting just for teens? How can adults use sexting to have a happier sex life? In this free podcast, we tackle the topic of sexting and provide guidance on mature, smart ways to use sexting in your grown up relationship! We offer practical sexting tips to make sexting more fun and more effective for creating the sex life you want!

Want more free podcast episodes? Speaking of Sex Podcast Archive

Sexting Tips:

Here are a few brief sexting tips. We go into way more detail in the podcast episode!

Use a private messaging app to keep your sexting separate from the rest of your texting, so you never get caught in an embarrassing moment!
Remember that anything you sext is out there forever, so don’t sext and regret it later!
Tell your lover exactly what kind of language turns you on (especially for body parts and sex acts)
Don’t be a sexting tease: follow through with your promises!
Be honest: sext about what you really enjoy doing, so sexting can enhance your sex life and you can avoid confusion
Play on the spectrum from flirty to raunchy – what kind of sexting do you like best?
Make sexting more romantic! Share moments of pleasure, gratitude and celebration with your lover via text. Also don’t forget to use texting to give your lover praise and compliments!

Resources Mentioned In This Episode: Between App

Australian Sex Expert Jacqueline Hellyer on New Ways of Thinking About Sex

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Australian sex expert Jacqueline Hellyer joins us to talk about transforming how we think and talk about sex. We cover Jacqueline’s opinions on why so many women are bored by sex, how to enjoy a more wholesome and sustainable sex life and sex as an exhausted parent.

Jacqueline is irreverent, provocative and wonderfully intelligent about sexuality.

Join Jacqueline Hellyer and Charlotte of the Pleasure Mechanics for this candid conversation that will change how you think about sex. Find more from Jacqueline at www.jacquelinehellyer.com

How To Prevent Cheating

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Cheating is one of the most common reasons that romantic relationships end. Infidelity can have devastating consequences for couples, families and individuals.

In this episode, we lay out a plan for preventing cheating and getting clear about your expectations for your relationship.

We encourage you to create an explicit agreement of trust with your lover by naming your authentic needs, desires and boundaries. With an explicit set of agreements, you are free to fully invest in your relationship and experience the depths of intimacy and love.

More About How To Prevent Cheating

Our plan to prevent cheating is all about communicating your needs, desires and boundaries.

Your needs define your baseline requirements for feeling happy, loved and taken care of. Meeting your basic needs is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Together with your partner, you can figure out how to meet your physical and emotional needs.

Once your needs are taken care of, your authentic desires can emerge. Naming your specific desires and inviting your lover to help you fulfill them is a powerful way to create a hot, pleasurable relationship.

Finally, setting specific boundaries helps prevent cheating. To prevent the emotional betrayal of cheating, you need to be clear about what you agree to as a partnership. We challenge couples to create clear boundaries without creating excessive control or fear in their relationship. What happens if you give your lover permission to be a fully independent sexual being, while trusting they can still be devoted to you? What happens if you use flirting with other people as fuel for your own intimacy? How can monogamy be an experience of loving choice, rather than a muzzle or cage?

This podcast explores how to prevent cheating with radically honest communication and authentic expression of desire. Learn how to prevent what we call “the toxic twins” of regret and resentment, and use clear communication to get over small conflicts to prevent cheating and betrayal.

We believe it is possible to strategically create a healthy, happy relationship. Use these strategies to learn how to prevent cheating and create a more exciting, nourishing long term relationship.