How-To — Page 17 — Pleasure Mechanics

How To Make Your Fantasy A Reality

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Sexual Fantasies Free Podcast Episode How do you make your wildest fantasies come true, while staying safe and keeping your relationship intact? The truth is, fantasies live in your imagination alone. Yet fantasies can also provide valuable information that reveals what you really want more of in bed.

In this episode, we talk about how to explore your fantasies to decide what kind of pleasures you are most craving. Then, we share how to communicate with your partner so you are most likely to get what you really want out of your sex life.

We use the example of erotic spanking, but these are skills and strategies that can be applied to any of your erotic fantasies. Tune in and discover more about bringing the best parts of your fantasies to life!

Intense Orgasms: Here’s How

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SMSOSImage089 Oh how easy it is to compare ourselves to others! But when it comes to pleasure, there is no measure by which to compare one person’s orgasms to another. No way of measuring sexual satisfaction. Yet it is somehow easier to compare ourselves or our lovers to other people’s perceived fulfillment rather than focus on optimizing our own experience.

The grass is not greener on the other side, it is greenest where you water it. Right?

We received a letter from a dedicated husband who wanted to make sure his wife was having all the right kind of orgasms, like his girlfriends in the past. In this week’s podcast, we set him straight. First, we clear up the persistent myths about “types” of orgasms. Then, we focus him in the most positive direction: making sure his wife is having an amazing time in bed, rather than comparing her experience to ghosts from the past. Finally, we share tips for anyone who wants to amp up the intensity of their own orgasm. We give you strategies for both the giver and the receiver to fully maximize the orgasmic intensity you seek.

Remember, pleasure is a highly personal experience. there is no point comparing your experience to others. Instead, let’s all focus on maximizing our own experience and having the best erotic life possible. You in?

Here’s the letter we received from a listener:

Dear Mechanics,

My wife recently stumbled upon your podcast and we are now both fans. We’ve have a good sex life, but after 10 years things had cooled down until discovering Pleasure Mechanics. I’ve done some reading in the past about clitoral vs full vaginal orgasms. I’m not convinced that my wife has had full vaginal orgasms with me, just clitoral, but she says otherwise. I have been with women prior to her that clearly had full body, ground shaking orgasms and my wife’s never seem to hit her at that level. I admit I’m learning how to more intimately penetrate my wife, but are there any tips that could help her achieve fuller orgasms?

Just The Tip: The Multi Orgasmic Man

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Multi Orgasmic Man Podcast Episode

Did you know that ejaculation and orgasms are not the same thing? That men can learn how to orgasm without ejaculation, allowing them to experience multiple orgasms?

What we believe is possible influences our sexual experience, so it is essential to bust the myths and address the limitations that are holding us back.

“Although research on male multiple orgasms is incomplete at this time, the accumulated science to date reveals that this phenomenon is real, it is probably more common than we think, and it just might be a teachable skill.”

– Justin Lehmiller, PhD

For our complete program on ejaculation control and lasting longer in bed, check out the Foreplay Mastery Course

For more from Mantak Chia, check out The Multi Orgasmic Man

Our Take On Tantra

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What Is Tantra?

Neotantra has very little to do with the historical roots of Tantra. Tantra is estimated to be over 2000 years old and encompasses a diverse range of spiritual practices and beliefs that were part of Hinduism in India. Neotantra is the exploration of spiritual sexuality, ecstatic eroticism and profound intimacy. Neotantra developed in the United States as part of the counterculture revolution of the 1960’s. Spiritual explorers traveled to India and brought back ideas about sacred sexuality, which caught on (especially in California) and were developed into what is commonly called “tantra” today.

Are We Tantra Teachers?

A lot of people ask us if we are tantra teachers. The truth is, we were trained by some of the leaders of Tantra. Our techniques and strategies have a lot in common with Tantra. But we don’t identify with Tantra, and (as we discovered in recording this week’s podcast) have made some very passionate departures from Tantra, Taoist sexuality and other erotic traditions. Tune in to this week’s podcast to hear our take on Tantra, and an overview of our beliefs and views on spiritual sexuality.

But What About The Ecstasy?

We are dedicated to creating resources to teach you how to access ecstatic, incredible pleasure without adopting an exotic language and changing your belief system. The techniques we teach include powerful erotic touch techniques, sound, movement and breath – many of the same techniques taught in Tantra courses.

Instead of esoteric ideas, our approach emphasizes easily learned, down to earth strategies that can be learned at home and put into practice right away. We know you are busy, so we make it as easy as possible to improve your love life without new language, elaborate rituals or complex philosophies.

Quite simply, we believe that pleasure is a powerful and positive force in your life, and we are here to show you how to overcome the roadblocks that hold you back so you can have a way more pleasurable life. We believe your erotic life can be part of your spirituality, no matter what your beliefs. No yab yum required!

Masturbation

Masturbation: A Pleasure Lab

How do you touch yourself?

Do you treat yourself the way you treat your lover? Do you bring the same kind of enthusiasm and exploration to your self-touch as you do to touching your partner? Most of us do not.

Masturbation is often used as a utilitarian act, a release valve for excess sexual pressure. Many people masturbate in the same way every time, repeating the same strokes and playing out the same fantasies that bring them to climax quickly and reliably. This can be useful – again, knowing how to get off is not a bad thing – but masturbation can also serve as a powerful laboratory to try new things and learn more about your body, arousal patterns and erotic potential.

As you learn what kinds of touch your body responds to, or what fantasies really turn you on, you can bring this knowledge to your partnered sex life and have more variety to play with, more self-knowledge to guide your partner.

Most of us love a confident, self-aware lover who can give us guidance towards pleasuring and satisfying them. So why not also cultivate this self-awareness in ourselves, so we can be the kind of lover we want to have?

Essential Speaking of Sex Podcast Episodes On Masturbation

Even More Speaking Of Sex Episodes About Masturbation, Solo Sex & Self Loving!

Here are a few questions to help you explore your relationship to masturbation, and to reflect on what you might want to explore!

Why do you masturbate?
What did you learn about masturbation growing up?
Did you have to hide it? Where you ashamed about it?
Now as an adult, do you often rush through masturbation?
How do you feel before, during and after?
How many different ways do you masturbate?
How often do you try something new?
Do you make noise when you masturbate?
How frequently do you usually masturbate? How does it feel when you masturbate more frequently? less frequently? not at all for awhile?
When did you buy your first sex toy or pleasure tool? When was the last time?
How much pleasure can you allow yourself to feel in your body?
What are you seeking? Is there a feeling you are going for? Do you reach it?
What do you think about?
How do you (if at all) prepare your body for masturbation?
How do you (if at all) prepare your space?
Do you feel more or less energized after masturbating?

Discovering New Sensations

Masturbation can be a realm of pure exploration. You can try new things and see how you respond. This can include trying new strokes on your genitals, adding in more full body touch, moving your body in new ways, or making a range of sounds. This is all about forging new pleasure pathways.

You can also experiment with accessorizing your sex life – there is a wide range of vibrators, insertables, anal toys, balls and barbells for you to enjoy. Some people love sex toys – other people find them a distraction. Here’s our guide on sex toys to help you find the best toys out there.

We receive email every day asking us if masturbation is healthy. This question stems from hundreds of years of anti-masturbation crusading.

Masturbation can be great for your health, your relationship to yourself and everyone else in your life. It can be a primary pleasure practice where you release tension, flood your body with pleasure and experience joyful orgasms and climaxes. Your solo sex life can be a rich erotic terrain full of fantasy, exploration and peak pleasures.

But for many of us, we still masturbate with some level of secrecy, shame or hurry. Here is a provocative podcast episode that explores how the legacy of sexual repression and violence may be impacting how you masturbate!

The real question is this: how is YOUR relationship to masturbation?

Frequency of Masturbation:
There is no one right number of times per day, week or year to masturbate. Some people masturbate a few times a day, some a few times a week, others a few times a month or year.

Only you can know what is best for you. Becoming aware of your patterns and more deliberate in your choices around masturbation will make it more satisfying and a more energizing part of your life.

If you feel stuck in a masturbation rut, or feel like you masturbate compulsively – that is, without choice and/or against your better judgement – it may be time to change up your patterns and bring more awareness to your self-touch.

Quality of Masturbation:
Many people masturbate and still have a feeling of sexual longing – there is a feeling or experience we have powerful desire for but are not achieving.

If this is the case, check in with that longing and see if there are elements of that fantasy or desire you can bring into your sex life, solo or partnered. See if you can create the feeling state you are looking for.

What questions do you have about masturbation? Do you want more resources and suggestions for how to masturbate with more variety? Use the comments of this thread to share your thoughts!