Pleasure Mechanics

Sex Toys For Anal Sex

toys

Want to add sex toys to anal sex? You are not alone! Many people use toys for solo anal sex or to enhance partnered anal sex play.

Sex toys can add variety and range to your backdoor play. But to play safely, you must use the right toys for the job. Here’s our guide to sex toy safety and links to explore our favorite toys and find your own favorites.

Anal Play Toy Safety

You can use any vibrator on the external anal area, and enjoy exploring the range of buzzy sensations you can create. But NEVER insert anything into the anus unless it is specifically designed for anal insertion. This means it will have smooth contours, be made of body safe materials and feature a flared base. If you need convincing, google “items lost in rectum” for some eye-opening images.

Unlike the vagina, the rectum doesn’t have a built in ending and the contractions of orgasm tend to pull things deeper into the rectum. So if you are interested in inserting anything other than your fingers or a penis into the anus, get toys designed just for that purpose! Here are some of our favorites, and the websites we link to carry a wide selection of toys you can explore!

Safer Sex Supplies:

Black Nitrile Gloves are way sexier than the ones you’ll find at the drugstore!

* SheVibe.com has a wide selection of condoms *

Choose a high quality water based or silicone based lube

Butt Plugs:

Butt plugs are designed to be inserted and then left in place. You can wiggle them a bit, but the real pleasure comes from the sensation of fullness they create. They can be worn during other kinds of sex play or even while you are going about your day! Start with a small butt plug and work your way up to larger sizes.

Anal Bead Like Items:

Traditional anal beads aren’t great – they used to be made of hard plastic and weren’t easy to clean. Thankfully, today’s sophisticated sex toy companies have updated this toy. These toys feature several insertables that slowly increase in size. Insert them and then (perhaps at the moment of climax!) gently tug on them for a ripple of sensation as they slide out of your body. *Check out SheVibe’s wonderful range of bead like toys here*

Prostate Massagers:

These toys are designed to hit the male prostate but can be used by anyone for fun anal penetration play. Some vibrate, others are designed for rocking manually. Check out a wide range of prostate massagers here. 

Strap On Toys:

*Check out the extensive line of sexy strap on toys at SheVibe*

* please note some links on this page are affiliate links, and if you choose to make a purchase we will receive a small percentage as thanks for the referral. We only link to resources we know, trust and love!

Prolonging Intercourse

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Prolonging Intercourse :: Free Podcast Episode

If you want to last longer in bed and prolong intercourse, you can learn ejaculation control and how to separate orgasm from ejaculation. If not, the refractory period will limit just how long intercourse can last. But if you don’t stay hard as long as you want to or experience premature ejaculation, you can get creative and explore alternative ways to prolong the pleasure of intercourse, with or without an erection.

In this episode, we cover the ins and outs of prolonging intercourse, including:

  • shedding the emotional anxiety that is holding you back
  • communicating with your lover to avoid assumptions
  • rethinking what it means to last longer in bed
  • mastering all of the tools of pleasure you have available
  • maintaining momentum and intensity
  • keeping a sense of humor while expanding your sexual repertoire
  • the place of sex toys in prolonging intercourse

This episode was inspired by an email sent in from a listener. Have a question you want answered? Be in touch!

Here’s the original email:

Back story our first 2 years together we’re amazing sex 2-3 times a day.  What some would say the honeymoon phase,  she would give me oral and just wanted sex all the time.

But somehow the last 2 years we have faded away from each other.  There was a time where she wanted to and I just didn’t, I can not recall if it was due to working to much or financial issue that effect my sex drive.  So having to turn her down many time she lost the drive, also she has went through a depression stage in her life having lost her job , she was in a dark hole for a while.

We almost broke up last year but have both agreed we need to work things out.  We have finally slowly pulled her out of depression and things are getting much better.  She is slowly wanting to have sex more often, before she just never had the desire to.

So my question is how do I build up her sex drive like before? Also I saw she told her friend that she just wants to be fucked.  But having not had sex for so long consistently, I am having trouble lasting.  These days i may only last 10 min which really affect my self image knowing that I can please her and “fuck her”. My time is slowly increasing I notice if I focus on pleasuring her I can last longer.

I recently gave her a full body massage then a yoni massage and was able to get her to multiple orgasms with g spot and clit stimulation.  After that she wanted sex and then i notice I was able to last a little longer since I didn’t have anxiety to last long enough to get her to orgasm.

I am all into “fucking her” but that style/type really turns me on therefore I can’t last long.  She loves getting bent over and she can actually get a orgasms from that position but The thing is I can’t last that long I get too aroused.  She also hates when I have to stop or pull out to take a break.

Oral Sex Orgasms Advanced Techniques

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smsos210

For many women, receiving oral sex is challenging. Some women have anxiety about how their vulva looks, smells or tastes. Other women worry about appearing selfish if they take too much time to reach orgasm. Some women simply don’t trust that their partner could actually enjoy going down on them. Even for women who are comfortable with their bodies, have no anxiety about their vulva and trust their partner’s enthusiasm, the sheer pleasure of oral sex can be overwhelming. And for other women, the intensity of stimulation from oral sex never gets quite strong enough to push them over the edge into orgasm.

The good news? There are a lot of strategies that can help you reach orgasm during oral sex. From communication strategies to orgasmic mindfulness, there are lots of great tools to help you enjoy more orgasmic oral sex.

This podcast is for anyone who has trouble reaching orgasm during oral sex. We cover:

  • How to relax and receive as much pleasure as possible
  • How to guide your partner without getting too technical during sex
  • Mental and physical techniques to overcome pleasure anxiety
  • Erotic jedi mind tricks to get out of your head and into your body
  • Simple power play techniques to eroticize your struggle
  • The one tool we all need to learn to feel more pleasure

Here is the email that inspired this podcast episode:

I have a partner who is good at giving oral sex. He’s devoted, perceptive, I know he really enjoys it, and I have noticed how he’s refined his skills and sense of what I need over the 8 months we’ve been dating – he has asked me frequently how he could be better at going down, and I’ve shared some ideas with him which he’s incorporated. I want to orgasm, he wants me to orgasm, everything feels so good I think I could orgasm, except as I approach a climax, I just can’t, and the pleasure gives way to anxiety or frustration. There isn’t one thing I’m wanting and not saying, there isn’t something he’s doing wrong, I genuinely believe my vagina’s beautiful and feel comfortable having a person so intimately connecting with that part of my body …. it’s more an issue of being unable to give in to that non-thinking, pleasure-focussed state.  No one has ever been able to get me over this hump (of orgasming from oral sex – I am able to climax during intercourse), and it’s beginning to feel like vulnerability/shame/privacy mental block.  What steps can I take to start relaxing into orgasm from oral sex? How can I let myself just enjoy it more? Feel everything more fully and intensely?

One detail I keep considering is that talking and giving instructions does kind of take me “out of it”  …  I’m still open to trying more communication, but  the most success I’ve had is more internal work – using imagery garnered from Betty Dodson’s wisdom to call to mind favorite foods, beautiful images, or other pleasure-things that aren’t specifically sex, to get my mind out of analyzing and into pleasure mode.

Thanks a million for all that you do,

B

 

 

Arousal Panic

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Arousal Panic :: Free Podcast Episode

Men aren’t supposed to get erections in public for good reason. As young boys, erections cause embarrassment and even punishment. But the pattern of tension and shame this creates creeps into private sex lives and interrupts men’s ability to get aroused and feel pleasure. If you’ve ever experienced arousal panic, you are not alone!

On episode 197 we explored some of the ways we feel men’s sexuality is shut down or impaired by our cultural narratives about male sexuality. In this episode we hear from a listener from Switzerland who shares his experience with arousal panic – and what he is doing to liberate himself from this lifelong pattern. Here’s his email. Hit the “play” button above to listen to the complete podcast episode.

One more thought concerning men’s shame around their penis/groin that you didn’t mention in your recent overview and that I recently put under the microscope on myself while in a cabin up north for a few months: the clamping down of the first signs of arousal. The light but firm inner panic when the first feeling of pressure is sensed down there. I’m sure this is widespread. And in my case I’m positive it’s origins are quite simple: I have always been terrified of having a hardon in public. And boy are there enough occasions for that to happen as a youngen. Sitting in a car or bus, going to the pool, watching movies, etc.

I’m actually not sure how to best deal with this. I have a hard time imagining our society should accept seeing boys or men with big bulges in their shorts and the tips of penises peeking over the waistband of their trunks or trousers on occasion… I’m certainly not ready for that. So I find it hard to believe this will ever be prevented.

So what I tried to do in the cabin (where I could convince even my shame-shaken mind I really was absolutely secluded and alone) is to actively relax into it, let it all hang out, etc. giving myself arousing stimuli (mostly sounds) and actively feeling and noticing those areas of the body that clamp down and actively relaxing them, moving them playfully, relaxing them, telling myself a little mantra like “it’s ok!” etc. i.e. Trying to uncondition myself from this panic tension reaction, which is unnecessarily stressful and pleasure-diminishing. And usually totally unnoticed (except for erotic massagists, I’m convinced!)

I was quite surprised to notice this, as it’s so second-nature, so well conditioned that I didn’t even question it. Until I was really alone and went looking for impediments to freedom of expression and self-love. And when there’s no-one else to blame, no outside conditions to respect, it becomes very easy to pinpoint your own intrinsic complexes.

Anyhow. Had to share this. There’s more where this came from if you’re interested. I came across a few more things that were very illuminating and important to me during my little hermitage up there. Much having to do with male sexuality and it’s self-imposed boundaries… And some cool tricks to help get over it 🙂

Happy to share anytime.

J

On this episode we cover:

  • Why we need an Erotic Olympics
  • Why so many men suffer from Arousal Panic
  • How Arousal Panic is learned as kids
  • How Arousal Panic is experienced as adults
  • How to change the Arousal Panic pattern so your arousal can be free
  • How to talk to your partner about Arousal Panic

You can record a question or suggest a topic for the podcast by clicking here.

Playfulness and Pleasure with Cyndi Darnell

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Cyndi Darnell Interview
On today’s show we have a fabulous guest, NYC sex therapist Cyndi Darnell. Cyndi is one of Australia’s leading sex educators and the creator of an online video training called  *The Atlas of Erotic Anatomy and Arousal*.

Cyndi Darnell recently relocated to practice sex therapy in New York City after growing her practice as one of the most respected and trusted sex therapists in Australia. 

In this episode we cover:

  • Chris and Cyndi’s shared lineage as sex educators
  • Why pleasure matters
  • What Cyndi wants men to know about female sexuality
  • What women need to know about male sexuality
  • What sexually satisfied people have in common
  • Surprising truths about erotic anatomy