Pleasure Mechanics

Anal Play Doesn’t Make You Gay

If I am into anal, does it make me gay? My girlfriend touched my ass and I liked it, am I gay? Does it mean I am gay if I fantasize about anal sex? I want my wife to wear a strap-on and do me in the butt, am I gay?

As sex educators and experts in anal sex and prostate massage, we get asked these questions ALL the time.

Many guys find themselves turned on by the idea of anal play,or have had a surprising yet pleasurable experience in the past But they hold back from exploring anal stimulation out of fear. Fear of a three letter word. G A Y. A lot of guys worry that if they like anal play, they must be gay. And they don’t feel gay. They like the ladies. So instead of exploring the pleasures of anal, they stay away, and miss out.

Good news guys. All men, gay and straight, have basically the same sexual system. It doesn’t matter exactly who or what turns you on, your basic anatomy is the same. So gay guys and straight guys both like oral sex for the same reason. And gay guys and straight guys like anal play for the same reason – it feels good. Your body is wired to make anal play feel arousing. Anal play allows you to reach new parts of your sexual equipment. Parts you might not even know you have, that are there, ready to bring you more pleasure, stronger orgasm and more intense arousal.

So if anal play makes you curious, go ahead, indulge in a little self-stimulation or get your partner on board for prostate massage. Anal play doesn’t define who you are anymore than a blowjob or any other kind of sex play.

If you are ready to unleash the power of prostate orgasms, check out our online course: Prostate Massage Mastery

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Q&A : Relaxing During Anal Penetration

Question::

Hey Charlotte and Chris!

Thank you for being so open and accommodating; with good people like you offering friendly advice, there is indeed hope.  Since you offered, here is my query;

I am a male in my mid sixties (what I used to do all day, now takes me all day LOL), and I am interested in pegging. My partner and I have tried a couple of times, but I am, as yet, unable to relax sufficiently to take anything more than a modest butt plug. We tried twice with her wearing her strap-on but notwithstanding that I KNOW it will work, she notices my grimaces and stops; it simply hurts, and she cares too much! I guess I’m just too nervous?? L Do you have any “relaxation” suggestions please??

Thanks again!

Karl

Answer::

Hey Karl,

Thanks so much for being in touch!
Awesome that you are actively exploring this kind of pleasure!
Here are a few quick suggestions to help you relax and open up to bigger penetration:
First, make sure that you are fully pleasuring the external anal area before ever going inside. The ass needs to be seduced, as the internal sphincter is not under your conscious control. If you haven’t already, join our online course: Prostate Massage Mastery. You’ll learn everything you need to know to really relax the area and create tons of pleasure, which will help your body relax and open up to penetration.
Then, focus on your breathing. As she begins to penetrate you (ideally with fingers first to give you lots of pleasure as she goes in, then she can switch to a toy once you are really aroused and open!!) focus on deep relaxing breaths, trying to feel your pelvic muscles relax on each inhalation. You can even over emphasize this until your body learns to do it naturally – as you deeply inhale, push out a little on the pelvic floor muscles, then let them relax back on the exhale.
Next, try clenching around the penetration – flex your sphincters as she enters and see if that helps relax them.
Make sure there is no pain at all during penetration – going too fast, not using enough lube or pushing past resistance will create pain and shut your body down no matter how much your brain wants it!
It may take a number of sessions to relax into bigger penetration – but know that most of the arousing sensation happens in the external anal area, so there is no need to rush into pegging! Master these skills with our online course on prostate massage, You’ll even learn the ultimate way to enjoy simultaneous prostate and penis massage, to unlock tons of pleasure and invite your body to open up as you go.
Be in touch if any questions come up along your journey.
All our best,
Chris and Charlotte

About Prostate Massage

Prostate massage is a healthy and pleasurable activity that can be enjoyed as part of your intimate life. Quite simply, prostate massage stimulates the prostate with a finger or massage tool with the intention of relaxation and/or pleasure. It is a way of directly stimulating the prostate to create a pleasurable release. The prostate is an essential part of the male sexual system, and plays a role in every ejaculation a male experiences. Prostate stimulation emphasizes the sensations of the prostate, and many men report that it leads to more powerful orgasms and more sexual pleasure.

Not to be confused with a medical prostate exam, or digital rectal exam as it is sometimes called, prostate massage is an intimate skill that can be learned and shared by lovers in the privacy of their own home. Comparing a medical prostate exam to the sexual act of prostate stimulation is a bit like comparing a gynecologist visit to having sex. The same physical acts, in different contexts with different emotional meanings, are completely different experiences.

Many guys enjoy prostate massage as part of a healthy sex life with their partner. You can also explore prostate stimulation as part of masturbation. However you chose to explore it, be assured that enjoying prostate or anal stimulation does not mean you are gay! The prostate is part of the male sexual system, no matter what your orientation. Many straight men are discovering the powerful pleasure potential of the prostate and allowing themselves to enjoy it as part of their sex life.

How to Learn Prostate Massage

Prostate MassageLearn With Video: The Pleasure Mechanics Guide to Prostate Massage: The #1 Bestselling Video on Prostate Massage

If you have any questions about prostate stimulation, be in touch with us – you can always Ask Us Anything!

How To Get an Erection

Q: I feel mis-informed about erections and arousal.   There are times when I am aroused about sex but not hard.  Is that normal?

A: Men are taught that arousal and erection are a package deal, just like orgasm and ejaculation. To enjoy more sexual pleasure and erotic freedom, it is essential to dismantle this myth and understand these events to be complementary experiences that may come in any combination.

Get a complete guided tour of erotic anatomy with sex therapist Cyndi Darnell’s Atlas of Erotic Anatomy*. 

We have a whole book dedicated to how to separate ejaculation from orgasm so you can enjoy prolonged arousal and multiple orgasms, and you can find it as just one of the resources in our most popular online sex course for couples. 

Erections and arousal are a bit of a trickier subject.

It is perfectly normal for a man to feel aroused and not be erect. Arousal is a full-body experience and you can be highly aroused without getting an erection. If it is not getting in the way of your sexual experience, and you experience full erections some of the time, it probably is not something you need to worry about. There is so much you can enjoy with your partner without an erection, and broadening your sexual repertoire is always a good idea.

If you are never getting fully erect, or your lack of erection is getting in the way of enjoying a satisfying sexual experience, there are ways to explore how to get a stronger erection.

The first check-in is with your overall health. Obesity, diabetes, heart disease and pharmaceuticals can have a major impact on how erect you get. One of the best motivations for getting in better shape is the impact on your sex life. If you are out of shape, explore the possibility of whipping yourself into shape and your sex life will benefit. If you suspect your health is getting in the way of your sexual function, it may be worth having a conversation with a doctor to get their professional recommendations.

The next thing to tackle is your stress levels. Stress has a huge impact on arousal and erections. The body needs to flip into the parasympathetic mode before an erection can occur, so if you are chronically stressed you may be short circuiting your body’s ability to get erect and feel more pleasure. Read more about stress and arousal here.

The third line of attacking for exploring how to get stronger erections is tackling pelvic tension. Most of us carry a great deal of muscular tension in the muscles of our pelvis. This physically limits the amount of blood flow to your genitals and can block erections. This is true for both men and women, it is just more visible on men who are noticing weaker erections. Our favorite form of relieving pelvic tension is butt massage – by tackling the big muscles of the buttocks you can release a lot of tension and get way more blood flowing to the genitals. It is our #1 recommendation for relaxing foreplay. You can also try perineum massage, which tackles tension at the nexus of muscles found at the perineum. We think it is so important we included our stroke-by-stroke guide to perineal massage in both our Foreplay Mastery Course and  Prostate Massage Online Course, so pick up either one of those video guides to learn how to do deep massage at the perineum and get more blood flowing to  your penis.

Again, if you are experiencing full erections some of the time and have a sex life that is fulfilling to you and your lover, there is nothing to worry about when you sometimes feel aroused without an erection. Enjoy the full body sensations of arousal, including stimulating your soft penis and notice how much pleasure is available to you. If you are never experiencing a full erection, explore the suggestions above about how to get an erection and pay attention to your erections as a sign of your overall physical health.

Cheers!

Chris and Charlotte, The Pleasure Mechanics

* please note some links on this page are affiliate links, and if you choose to make a purchase we will receive a small percentage as thanks for the referral. We only link to resources we know, trust and love!

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