Pleasure Mechanics

Surrendering Into Orgasm

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Have you ever had trouble letting go of control long enough to have an orgasm with a partner? Here’s how to surrender into orgasm, on your own terms.

Many women, especially those who like being in control of every element of their lives, have trouble letting go enough to get off. Even women who can have orgasms during masturbation sometimes have trouble with orgasms during partnered sex.

Here are our strategies for learning how to get out of your head and into your body so you can fully savor the sensations of arousal and surrender into orgasm.

In this podcast episode, we cover:

  • the anatomy of an orgasm
  • how “being in control” can block an orgasm
  • how to build trust with your partner to have more orgasmic sex
  • what elements of kinky sex help you have more orgasms
  • how to prepare your body for surrendering into orgasm

Resources mentioned on this episode:

Kinky Sex Mastery

Erotic Spanking Mastery

Here is the letter that inspired this episode:

Dear Pleasure Mechanics,
I stumbled on your podcast the other day and am reaching out to see if you can help me with a predicament I have found myself in since the beginning of my sex life.
I am 25 and have always had big difficulties reaching orgasm in the presence of a partner. (During masturbation I am pleased to say I have no problems!) When I began being sexually active beyond basic self-pleasure 8 years ago, I think part of the challenge was that I was unfamiliar with my own body and was shy to ask for what I wanted. However, I have had this issue recurringly, both in more casual encounters as well as in my most recent relationship which lasted 4 years. I had good communication with my partner, and he was very patient and attentive. His persistence however was not enough to bring me to orgasm – it became clear to me that I have a block/fear that I cannot seem to overcome. Naturally this was hugely frustrating for both of us, and led to loss of libido.
In the last 3 years I have really focused on getting to know myself through self-stimulation, I have read up on the matter, had sessions with a psycho-sexual therapist, and done some courses to expand my understanding, always focusing on clearing blocks and worries that I noticed along the way. I have also learned that being intimate does not always need to lead to orgasm, so the importance of this problem has shifted a little bit. Still, I want to be able to work through my block so that I know I can achieve orgasm when I am being intimate with a man. As I don’t have any trauma in my past that could help explain my fear, I am thinking that it may be linked to some of my personality traits outside the bedroom.
Control is an important aspect in my life – and surrender (i.e. giving up control), is something I am not used to. I like being in control of my actions, the results I achieve, my emotions, people’s attitudes towards me. I have even noticed that my assertiveness can often lead to people’s decisions or actions reflecting what they think I would do, or what I would expect, even if I am not intentionally interfering with the situation or outcome. As a result, I am used to being in control, and feel out of my comfort zone when I am not.
Inversely I would say that I feel uncomfortable in surrender mode. However, when I analyse my fantasies I am curious about taking the role of a submissive in a BDSM dynamic (not a hardcore one, but the idea of being restrained, controlled, and/or having to accept what is done to me turns me on). Perhaps I think that here I find a compromise that I can feel more comfortable with – controlled and agreed surrender. But why do I think I need a formal agreement to feel comfortable enough to surrender? And how can I practice surrender with a man, without making it all about reaching climax?
Do you have any advice as to how I can overcome my block of reaching orgasm with a man?
Many thanks in advance and really look forward to hearing from you,
-Laura

Ready to explore kinky sex and want us to guide you every step of the way? Check out Kinky Sex Mastery

 

Erotic Bondage Safety

When you are exploring erotic bondage, you must keep a few simple safety guidelines in mind.

Above All, Trust

Never do bondage with someone you do not know and trust. When you allow someone to put you in bondage, you are putting your life in their hands. Once you are restrained, they could do anything. If you aren’t exploring with a long term trusted partner, play in a public space.

Communication

  • Establish safewords as part of your negotiation before your bondage scene. Classic safewords are Red (“STOP!”) Yellow (“Slow down and check in please!”) and Green (“All good, go for it!”) but you can agree upon any set of safewords you’d like.
  • Make sure your partner knows about any health issues that may impact your bondage play. Agree that you will switch positions or stop if you experience any numbness, tingling or pain.
  • Communicate about what kind of bondage play you are both interested in. Do you want to be tied up and pleasured? Or put in bondage and punished? For complete guidance on exploring the wide world of kinky sex to discover what you are most interested in, check out the Kinky Sex Mastery Online Course!

Maintain Circulation and Mind The Nerves:

In general, when you have someone tied up, always be alert for tingling, numbness, or coldness. If you are restrained, and your hands or feet tingle or get numb, this usually means that the restraint is cutting off blood flow or pressing on a nerve. Tell your partner! Have your partner loosen the restraints slightly and/or move you so that the tingling goes away. If your hands or feet become cold to the touch, your circulation is being cut off. Again, loosen the restraints or reposition.

Basic Bondage Safety Rules:

  • Do not leave a restrained person alone for any reason!
  • Do not place anything over the nose and mouth. If you gag your partner, make sure his or her nose is not covered.
  • Always be able to get out of bondage quickly:
  • Keep a pair of scissors handy for quick release of bondage wraps or ropes.
  • Never use a lock that requires a key
  • Release the bondage immediately if there is any tingling, numbness or coldness, or if the restrained partner requests to be released.
  • If you have diabetes, heart or circulatory problems, epilepsy or seizures, joint injuries or any other ailment that may be triggered, proceed with caution. When in doubt, ask your doctor if bondage is safe (they are less easily shocked than you might imagine!)

Rope Bondage For Beginners

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Rope Bondage For Beginners

Rope bondage is one of the most common erotic fantasies for both men and women. There is a strong allure for participating on both sides of the bondage fantasy. It can be incredibly sexy to imagine being tied up by a trusted lover, held captive in ropes while you are lavished in touch. It is equally thrilling to imagine having your partner bound tightly, looking up at you as you decide what to do to them next. For some people, it is the ropes and restraint that are so captivating. Others find a kind of freedom in being dominated and restrained, so they can relax into the erotic experience and do nothing but receive.

One of the most important things to learn is that bondage doesn’t have to be rough to be sexy. It can be a slow, sensual experience of love and trust. Bondage can even be a portal to a spiritual erotic experience.

“By restraining the flesh, the body is occupied, leaving the mind and spirit to engage in other pursuits.”

In this week’s podcast, we are joined by internationally recognized rope bondage expert Lee Harrington to talk all about rope bondage. We cover:

  • the history of rope bondage in Japan
  • how rope bondage became a popular fantasy
  • how to get started with your very first rope bondage scene
  • safety precautions for beginners
  • how to make rope bondage
  • how to amplify intimacy with rope bondage

Lee Harrington is an internationally known sex educator who focuses on the intersection of spirituality, eroticism and kink. He is an award winning author, and just released both an updated version of Shibari You Can Use and a sequel More Shibari You Can Use, both hands-on manuals about rope bondage. Lee emphasizes the intimate and even spiritual uses of rope bondage while providing easy to use techniques that beginners can put to use right away.

Whether or not you ever want to try out something like rope bondage, this conversation will fascinate and delight you. You’ll learn something you can apply to your sex life, with or without the thrills of bondage!

Erotic Bondage Basics For Better Sex

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Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Bondage Basics For Better Sex

In this episode, we talk about how bondage can be a pleasurable part of your sex life.

Bondage doesn’t have to be intricate or extreme to be incredibly hot!

For some people, bondage is a way to relax and focus on the sensations of sex.

For others, bondage can create a hot excuse to struggle and get more bestial during sex, which many people find very cathartic!

Want to dive into your erotic bondage fantasy? Enroll in the Kinky Sex Mastery Course to get started exploring kinky sex!

Gear up! Choose from the wide selection of quality bondage gear available at SheVibe

Why Explore Erotic Bondage?

Erotic bondage can add thrills and excitement to your sex life – and it doesn’t have to be scary or intense! Erotic bondage can be gentle, sensual and seductive. It offers an opportunity to escape everyday life and be held captive in your lover’s care.

For some people, erotic bondage creates the delicious experience of surrender. For others, it is empowering and gives permission to release pent up desire. For most, erotic bondage adds a highly arousing dimension to sex with a trusted lover.

Erotic bondage can be a delicious way to add more variety, interest and heat to sex you already enjoy. In this podcast, we share how to get started with erotic bondage while minimizing risk.

We go over why erotic bondage is so sexy, safer alternatives to handcuffs, basic safety and consent information and what to do with your lover once you have them in bondage! Do you want to play a tease and denial game? Or lavish your lover in sensual pleasures? Do you want to experience the serenity of bondage, or resist and pull against your restraints? Once you begin exploring erotic bondage you get to create the erotic experience that fulfills your unique sexual desires.

Many people are concerned that bondage is demeaning or degrading. We believe that when you choose to participate out of your own authentic desire, the pleasure of erotic bondage can be liberating and empowering. Many stressed out people, who have to be in control in every aspect of their lives, enjoy the surrender of bondage. It becomes an opportunity to relax and release into a world of sensation and pleasure. For many, erotic bondage creates a sense of freedom!

At the end of the show, Charlotte reads an excerpt from the new book in the Fantasy A-Z series, B is for Bondage.

If you’ve ever been curious about erotic bondage, this is a must-listen episode of Speaking of Sex!

Bondage

Erotic Bondage

Have ever fantasized about being tied up and losing yourself in a world of sensation? Feeling the snug hold of the cuffs as you give yourself over to sex? You are not alone! Erotic bondage is one of the most popular themes in sexual fantasies and kinky desires.

Erotic bondage gives you the opportunity to fully surrender to your lover’s touch. There is nowhere to go and you can struggle all you’d like: you are theirs.

From simple velcro cuffs to intricate rope bondage, there are tons of ways to play with erotic bondage. 

ALL erotic bondage requires active and ongoing consent, communication and awareness to safety for all involved. Here are some basic erotic bondage safety pointers – more skills and awareness will be required for various levels of erotic bondage!

Podcasts About Erotic Bondage

Bondage Resources