Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Tune in on: Spotify | RSS

Sex moves! From wild rides to subtle shudders, moving your body during sex is key to unlocking a wide range of erotic experiences. Do you give yourself permission to move freely, or do you sometimes feel stuck in place?

In this episode, we explore the importance of movement during sex and give you ideas on how to get started exploring a wider variety of sex moves.

What holds us back from moving during sex? How can we overcome the shame and anxiety that can hold us back? This episode explores why so many of us hold still – in bed AND in life – and what we can do to unleash more freedom to move!

Share Your Thoughts! As this episode goes live, we already are planning part 2! There is SO MUCH to say about movement during sex – and we’ll keep exploring this theme next week! If you have something to share about this, please head over to PleasureMechanics.com/hello and share your thoughts or questions! Cheers.

Love the show? Show us some love us so we can continue to offer free resources for a more pleasurable world for all!

Resources mentioned in this episode:

The Pillo from Dame : A simple, beautiful and effective sex positioning pillow. Use the code MECHANICS for $15 off!

Fleshlight stroker toys: Practice moving during masturbation to gain more confidence.

For more on how to move during sex, check out Speaking of Sex Episode #176: How To Move During Sex

Podcast Transcript for Episode 324 ~ Sex Moves: Harnessing The Motion Of Your Ocean

Podcast transcripts are generated with love by humans, and thus may not be 100% accurate. Time stamps are included so you can cross reference or jump to any point in the podcast episode above. THANKS to the members of our Pleasure Pod for helping make transcripts and the rest of our free offerings happen! If you love what we offer, find ways to show your love and dive deeper with us here: SHOW SOME LOVE

Chris Rose: 00:01 Welcome to Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics. I’m Chris.

Charlotte Rose: 00:05 I’m Charlotte.

Chris Rose: 00:06 We are the Pleasure Mechanics. On this podcast we have soulful and explicit conversations about every facet of human sexuality. Come on over to PleasureMechanics.com where you will find our complete podcast archive, beautifully arranged for you in the Sex Index by topic so you can quickly find what you are looking for. While you are there, go to PleasureMechanics.com/free and sign up for our free online course, The Erotic Essentials, so we can get you started with some of our favorite strategies and techniques for more pleasure and more love in your life life life life.

Chris Rose: 00:48 Hello, everyone. I woke up this morning, and I was thinking that the past many podcasts have been very emotional and very much about our relationship to pleasure and embodying pleasure, and so I wanted to talk about fucking. I’m aware that we always try to strike a balance in this podcast between talking about the deep emotional and spiritual experience of sexuality, and we also want to talk about the mechanics of pleasure, what makes sex fun, why do we love sex, what motivates us to have sex, and how do we make sex more pleasurable. That’s really a big part of our mission. We totally acknowledge that making sex more pleasurable has everything to do with excavating body shame and healing into generational patterns of trauma and abuse, but it also has a lot to do with fucking, with movement, with the ways our bodies touch one another, or the way we touch ourselves when we choose to engage in sex.

Chris Rose: 01:58 Today’s episode is inspired by the old phrase, it’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean. Sometimes this phrase is used when talking about penis size, to say that the penis size doesn’t matter, it’s what you do with it. We just want to expand that way out and talk about the motion of our oceans, how we move during sex, the movement we put into sex, and the range of possibilities there, to acknowledge that there are so many different styles of movement, kinds of movement, ways to move during sex, how does this impact positions and the positions we choose, but also how do we adapt when our bodies aren’t able to move very well or if we don’t want to move very much. There’s moments to be a pillow queen. Let’s talk about the motion of our oceans. I think that’s the last time I’ll say that.

Charlotte Rose: 03:01 Quote the phrase. There’s so much here. I think that of course this changes in our lifetime. How we are fucking at 20 might be different than how we’re fucking at 50, and that makes sense, and it might not, depending on what you like to do, how your partner’s physicality is. I think it’s valuable again just to think about this and to put some thought into reflecting on this subject, because we often get into habits and routines with sex. Anytime we’re just challenging ourselves to explore what we do in a rote way, we’re going to open up some new possibilities and hopefully make some room for a little more play and a little more fun.

Chris Rose: 03:44 Totally. It’s about breaking up our scripts, because so often in the charged arena of sex, we fall into scripts and ruts and a safety zone of ways our bodies are expected to move, the kind of image we have of sex, and a lot of that gets very performative. I originally was going to call this episode sexual athleticism, but the word athlete comes from athlon, like triathlon, decathlon. It really is about competing for a prize, not what we are all about. Let’s throw out the idea of athleticism.

Chris Rose: 04:22 Then I thought about calling it sexual endurance and about building up stamina to move more, but when we think about endurance, we’re often thinking about how long does the penis stay hard so intercourse can go on. Also the wrong question when it comes to pleasure.

Chris Rose: 04:38 If we throw out performance, if we throw out endurance, and we center pleasure as the goal, we center the idea that we want to learn how to be in our bodies in the ways that bring us more pleasure and more opportunities for love and connection with ourselves, with other people, then it comes down to thinking about why movement is important during sex, what role does movement have, how does it change your experience, and then giving yourself permission to shake it up, try new things, get out of your scripts, to discover what you are capable of.

Chris Rose: 05:17 When it comes to moving during sex, a lot of us are preconditioned, a lot of us have these scripts that come from a pornified vision of what sex looks like. For a lot of people, the first image is missionary position. When you think of two people having sex, you go to the receptive partner lying flat on a bed and the penetrating partner, usually the man, on top, supporting his way, thrusting in and out. This is a good starting place to think about sex, but it’s clearly not the only way our bodies show up for sex.

Chris Rose: 05:57 When we talk about movement, when we talk about positions, I really want to invite us to think about the full range of sex, so positions when you are cuddling up at night to go to sleep, positions when you are kissing, positions when you are having oral sex and hand sex, and yes, intercourse and anal sex. Every kind of sex you want to have involves your body in some sort of movement. The ways we give our bodies permission to move and express themselves has everything to do with the sexual experience we have in the end.

Charlotte Rose: 06:37 While changing up your sex positions isn’t necessarily going to transform your entire sex life alone, it can be a piece of experiencing your body in a different way, which can give you an experience of novelty, and that can be interesting and exciting.

Chris Rose: 06:56 I want to start this conversation by acknowledging that when we talk about moving during sex, motion during sex, we’re talking about a really big range of possibilities that includes lying still, being very quiet, and also includes getting bestial, really moving your body, and going for really hot, sweaty, very vigorous sessions. That whole range between serene to vigorous to rough, all of those styles of sex involve movement and motion.

Chris Rose: 07:35 I want to say this because I think sometimes when we talk about movement, a lot of us start closing down because we are not moving like this image of swinging from the chandelier sex, the Kama Sutra with 169 positions to try, and we can feel insufficient or unworthy of great sex if we’re not able to move in certain ways, if our bodies aren’t capable of it, or we just don’t want to. Not everyone wants to be the cowgirl bucking wildly on top of a cock. Some people do.

Chris Rose: 08:11 How do we give ourselves permission to think about the role of movement and motion in our sex lives, while being really compassionate with where we are now, and also then opening up possibilities for what we would maybe want to try, what scripts we want to break?

Chris Rose: 08:28 As we talk about this, think about your own body, your own body’s abilities and limitations. We all have both of those. Find a place here just to give yourself permission to experiment with little things we talk about or to take this on and go big with it.

Charlotte Rose: 08:50 Right, because for some people, what might evolve their sexual experience is actually moving much slower and with much more gentle awareness and allowing the movements to be more flowy. Some people might be used to this jackhammer image and experience of sex. For you, experiencing the other part of the spectrum might be really interesting. For others, maybe you do want to try and build your upper-body strength and see if you can build your endurance, your physical strength, in order to be able to go for longer. All of this we’re wanting you to do with no judgment about where you are now and that one isn’t better than the other. It’s really about giving ourselves and our partners a broad experience of different kinds of sex, just to keep things interesting and to experience different kinds of sex together.

Chris Rose: 09:54 What is the role of motion and movement in sex? What’s the role of movement for us human beings? We are moving bodies. For me as someone who exercise was never available to me or never appealing, movement rather than exercise feels much more native to the human body. I’m reminded that even when in stillness, our bodies are in constant motion, our breath, our digestion, our blood flow, constant movement in these fluid bodies of ours.

Chris Rose: 10:33 When it comes to eroticism, there’s this esoteric way of thinking about the two bodies coming together and starting to move together into one or whatever, but really how I want to think about it is, what are the ways we move and use our bodies to enjoy the game, the play, the opportunity for pleasure that sex provides. We can talk about movement out in the world and erotic embodiment. Right now I really want to focus on the ways we move when we’re engaged in arousing activities, so masturbation, partnered sex, group sex if you want. How do you show up in your body once you’re starting to be aroused?

Chris Rose: 11:19 A really great way to start thinking about this is how you move during masturbation, because this is again, it’s a place where we can use as a laboratory, a training grounds, but it’s also your primary sexual relationship is with yourself. If you inventory, if you think about the ways you masturbate, most of us do not move, or we move very little.

Charlotte Rose: 11:44 Or we move our hands, but not our hips.

Chris Rose: 11:47 Right, so it’s either the furious jack-off, the just stroking with your hand, or grabbing a vibrator and clamping it to your genitals. A lot of us will just start building sensation by just stimulating the genital nerve endings, and then let that arousal build up into some sort of climax or orgasm. That’s the default mode for a lot of us. What happens if as you’re masturbating, you start moving your body a little more?

Chris Rose: 12:20 Charlotte mentioned the hips. The hips and the spine are great places to focus your attention when you think about moving. This is true for all genders, all bodies. The hips and the spine are really where you will get most results if you focus on different styles of moving the hips and then the spine as they’re connected.

Charlotte Rose: 12:46 This is about moving an erotic energy through your whole body. This is about expanding the experience of arousal into the rest of your being. This can support having more of a full-body orgasm instead of a genital sneeze, as we’ve talked about it in other ways.

Chris Rose: 13:08 What just came to me is, sometimes when we talk about this moving erotic energy and making your full body a vessel for erotic sensation, it sounds a little bit out there. Imagine you’re at a concert and you’re just sitting still and you’re listening to the music. You are allowing the music to just come into your body through one of your senses. You’ll experience that music. You might even experience pleasure through that music. What happens if you start swaying in your seat a little bit? Do you experience the music differently? What happens if you are able to get up and dance? Do you experience the music differently? Is it a different experience to sit in a chair and listen to music than it is to dance to that music?

Chris Rose: 13:54 Part of what we’re talking about is giving ourselves permission to dance during sex, to move our bodies in the ways that feel good, both to express ourselves and to feel more, to feel more. There is something here about movement and motion that literally allows you to feel more. Feel more sensation, but also feel more emotions. When we invite you to move a little bit more during sex and to notice if you feel more, I want you to pay attention to both of those things, both meanings of feelings. Do you feel more sensation? Do you feel more emotion? Do you feel more connected to the experience? Does it bring you into your body on another level so you can pay attention to what’s happening in your body? A lot of this is about placement of attention. I said we were going to focus on fucking and not on these esoteric things. When you are moving and you’re focusing your attention on that movement, you’re dropping your attention back into your body, away from your head and your distracting thoughts, and as you pay attention to your body, you get to feel what it is capable of more.

Chris Rose: 15:12 We’re going to start with masturbation. Next time you’re masturbating, get moving just a little bit more. This doesn’t mean you have to stand up and shake your whole body, though you could try that. Start with little subtle movements. As you’re stimulating your genitals, try just rocking your hips a tiny bit, just little, little rocks. Try circling your hips a little bit. Try wiggling your spine on the bed. Try putting your feet flat on the bed so your thighs are available to you and so you can thrust up into the sensation. Move your hips rather than your hand, as Charlotte beautifully said. If you’re playing with a vibrator, a great way to do this is to hold the vibrator still and then make your genitals go looking for the sensation. Hold the vibrator a little away from your body, and then move your body into it to receive the sensation, or put the vibrator on a pillow, straddle the pillow, and feel what that feels like to be in a totally different position while you’re masturbating.

Chris Rose: 16:23 This brings me to my other point. We talked about how motion gets you feeling more, it brings you into your body, it opens up more sensation and more emotional experience. When we move in different ways, it opens up different kinds of experiences, just like if I had you all in a room and I had you stomp across the dance floor, stomp it out like an elephant, ra da da da da. If we did that for five minutes, you would feel different than if I asked you to tiptoe across the floor and float like a butterfly. Those different kinds of movements will unlock different experiences in your body.

Chris Rose: 17:05 How does this apply to sex? When you get into different positions, when you express different kinds of emotions and different kinds of energies with your body, you get to experience different kinds of sexual energy, different kinds of emotional experiences during sex. If you’ve only had sex lying flat on your back, looking up at your partner as sweat beads form on their forehead, and just focusing on maybe the sensation in your genitals, you have not had the opportunity to fully express all of the range of sexual energy. What would it feel like to get on top and ride? What would it feel like to sit on your partner’s face? What would it feel like to be bent over the bed and someone riding you from behind? What would it feel like to be lying side by side almost in a spooning position while your partner’s hands slid between your thighs? Have you given yourself permission to explore the full range of what your body, not all bodies, but what your body can do and longs to do?

Chris Rose: 18:21 Again, if this feels scary to jump into with partnered sex, and you’re not in a partnership where you can just jump on your partner’s face and writhe around, you will baby-step up to this and you will maybe try some things in your masturbation. For partners who have been in a script for a long time, maybe been in scripts even pre dating your partnership, it can be scary to shake things up and to say out loud that you want to try different things. This is where the baby-stepping into it can be really useful, if while you’re having the same kind of sex you usually have, you just let your body move a little bit more, rock your hips a little bit more, let your hands travel, arch your back, stretch out, suggest a different position.

Chris Rose: 19:12 These small changes cumulatively can create huge differences in your sexual experience. Then as you get wins, as you have positive experiences, you can start building up towards bigger risky things, towards different kinds of movement, and develop the capacity to be foolish in front of one another, to play and to laugh during sex, and to make mistakes and to try things that might not work.

Chris Rose: 19:44 Some of this work is communicating with your partner about trying new things, but a lot of it, again, is that internal permission and confronting the reasons that you don’t want to move. One of the main reasons people don’t want to move more during sex is they fear looking foolish, they fear their body looking not sexy, they don’t want attention drawn to their fat and the way that it moves if they move.

Chris Rose: 20:17 Again, this goes back to performance, like if I can lie still, my partner won’t notice what my body actually looks like or something. Body shame really comes into play here. I’m going to use dance again. Just like if we got a group of 100 adults on a dance floor, put on some music, it would be really surprising to me if 100 people started dancing. We are so shut down, most of us, in this culture around movement and the freedom to move and play with our bodies, that it’s layered with sexual shame and body shame around sex, but it’s also just movement shame and movement disconnect. As adults, we’re cut off from movement. We don’t play in our bodies very often. A lot of us, even if we have a movement practice, it’s in the form of exercise, and it’s just as scripted as stillness.

Chris Rose: 21:18 Another tool here can be dancing, improv dancing, improv movement workshops. If you feel really locked and stuck in your body and just can’t move even alone, then there might be some work to just get out of the rigidity that our culture has ensnared us in. We live in a very sedentary culture. This isn’t a comment on exercise. It’s just a comment on how our bodies are trained to be polite and still and quiet. Then we bring that politeness to bed and lock down and wonder why we don’t feel more.

Chris Rose: 22:02 Again, this isn’t just telling everyone to get wild and be crazy in bed and breaking a sweat all the time. This can be very subtle and beautiful and gentle, and it can be rough and bestial. I really want to hold both of those extremes, because both can be filled with movement. Even just trancing into your partner’s touch and moving just a little bit and breathing, you’re still moving and circulating energy, and you’re not locked up still.

Charlotte Rose: 22:36 I think that’s the piece is that we do experience such rigidity and frozenness in our body often. That is what we learn culturally, as you were just saying. Literally anything that encourages your body not to be frozen and rigid will allow you to feel more. That’s why the movements can be so tiny. It can be the tiniest circles, the tiniest undulations, but just that you’re bringing your attention to breaking yourself out of frozenness and rigidity is what will create more sensation.

Chris Rose: 23:14 What do you do with the fear of foolishness, the fear of like, “I’m not going to look sexy if I move in this way?”

Charlotte Rose: 23:21 You can always have a conversation with your partner ahead of time to say, “I want to experiment with this. I was listening to this podcast. I’m just going to try moving a little bit more.”

Chris Rose: 23:28 “Close your eyes.”

Charlotte Rose: 23:30 “I don’t know how it will look, but I’m just experimenting with how it will feel, so will you experiment with me?” The truth is that for most people, any kind of further engagement, any deeper way that you’re engaging with being in sex is going to be sexy, because we’re all moving against just being shut off. Moving more is a way of showing active consent, like you’re into this, you’re here, you’re present. All of that is going to be sexy. I think it’s mostly that we’re judging ourselves. This is why exploring again in masturbation is such a great way, because you can feel that awkwardness if you have that alone and be like, “Okay, this does feel different, so maybe I should keep trying it or find a way that I begin to feel more comfortable.”

Charlotte Rose: 24:24 I remember in college when I discovered that somebody else was masturbating in a different position than I had done, and I was like, “Wait, that’s possible? You can masturbate lying face down or on your knees?” I had no idea. I just always was on my back.

Charlotte Rose: 24:39 Just playing with those and seeing how it does make your body feel, because it can be so dramatically different. It’s such a small change that it can be exciting and interesting to experience your own body in a different way. That’s exhilarating.

Chris Rose: 24:55 I want to talk to the guys for a second, because I think when we paint this image of being frozen during sex or staying stuck or staying still, we often think of the woman, the receptive partner, who can just lie there. Guys are often charged with being the more active partners, with being the one doing the thing, the thrusting, the penetrating. This is a lot of pressure. It’s a lot of work. It’s a lot of pressure. A lot of guys write me emails where they’re like, “I don’t want to have to be in charge and in control of the sexual scenario all the time. When’s my chance just to be done?” I think this is a really important question. Oral sex is a great opportunity to just lie back and be done.

Charlotte Rose: 25:41 Erotic massage.

Chris Rose: 25:42 Erotic massage. We have all these options. I also think it’s really important for all of us to acknowledge the physical work of fucking. I think it’s really important for women to hear that being the active partner, being the penetrator can feel like a lot of work. It can feel like a lot of physical stamina. It can also just feel like emotionally you’re the one in charge of the situation, you’re the one that has to be the architect of both of your pleasure. That can be a lot of pressure. Using different positions, using different kinds of movement can be a way to relieve that pressure on men and give them a chance to lie back and have sex in different positions that they can rest.

Chris Rose: 26:36 I also just want to say to the guys that part of your pleasure is movement. I think men have been taught that their sexual pleasure comes from the friction on their cock. If you really think about your experience of sexual pleasure, the movement of fucking is part of it. When you’re moving your body in that rhythm and you’re moving your hips, it creates a full-body experience that again is different than just sitting stationary in your office chair stroking your cock.

Chris Rose: 27:11 Part of I think what we crave in our idea of partnered sex is the ability to move together, is the opportunity to, and some people experience this as that stress relief part of sex, the ability to get physical, grunt, sweat, move some energy, is part of, again, the human desire for sex is that release we feel. A lot of us will feel that release more profoundly if we do break a sweat, if we do get out of breath a little bit. How do we build up towards being able to be more vigorous if we choose? I’m really choosing words carefully here because I want to honor all bodies, all forms of movement, and not privilege vigorous jackhammer sex over slow mm.

Chris Rose: 28:12 I think about the motion. I said I wouldn’t say it, the motion of the ocean, there’s those moments where there’s big pounding waves and it’s very visible, but really the motion of the ocean is all underneath the surface, it’s the deep currents. Sometimes sex feels like that, where you’re riding these deep currents together and it’s this big wa wa wa wa. Then sometimes it’s waves and crashing and pounding. Both are delicious and we want to experience the full range.

Chris Rose: 28:51 If you want more vigor, if you want more power and strength and energy to come through, starting to move is the first step of giving your body permission to move more, experimenting with different positions, because if you try to just hold yourself up on your hands and fuck from your hips, that is very hard to do for five, 10, 15 minutes. It’s like doing a plank and fucking at the same time. Figuring out different positions in bed that allow you to be vigorous without necessarily using muscles you don’t have, as you build that capacity.

Chris Rose: 29:34 Again, masturbation can be a great thing. If you get a fleshlight or a male masturbator that you can actively penetrate so you’re not just using your hand, you then have the opportunity to fuck into something while you are masturbating. I’ll put some links in the show notes page. Male sex toys have come a really long way. Just like there’s no shame in using a vibrator, there shouldn’t be any shame in using a masturbation sleeve or a masturbator to fuck while you are alone.

Chris Rose: 30:05 Having that opportunity to fuck while alone will give you a lot of chance to build your endurance, to try different positions, to experiment and notice if my knees are out this far, how does that feel, if my knees come in more narrow, what does that do to my hip movements, how much more endurance do I have if I stand up, if I stand up and we adjust our bed height so it’s a good fucking height. There’s ways of making your bed higher or lower so it’s the right height for you to put someone on the side of the bed and go right into them with your pelvis. That will unlock so much more movement, just the nature of standing up.

Charlotte Rose: 30:46 I think that’s such a great position for somebody who wants to not put so much pressure on their arms, but be able to experiment with more vigor. It can be an easier position to get more intensity.

Chris Rose: 31:03 As the receiver, I think a lot of people have the fantasy of being fucked up against the wall. Maybe it’s just me. As a big girl, being picked up and fucked against the wall was only available to me a couple times when I got to meet giants, and that was awesome, but it’s not something that would be physically available to me in our partnership, say, or with a lot of partners, because I am 200 pounds. I want that sensation of being suspended. Being on the side of the bed and I can sit up and wrap my arm around my partner’s neck maybe while fucking has that same physicality, but then I’m supported.

Chris Rose: 31:45 This is another way to look at it is what are your fantasies telling you about movement. If you had all of the physical capabilities in the world, if gravity didn’t apply, how would you want to move during sex? What are some of the images that come to you? Then how can you back-engineer that to work with your body?

Chris Rose: 32:06 Another tool that’s really great here are sex pillows. Our friends at Dame have just released a new sex position pillow. Again, I’ll link to it in the show notes page. These pillows are little triangular wedge pillows. I love the one from Dame, because it looks like a reading pillow. You can just keep it on your bed the whole time. These are great for exploring different positions and supporting your hips or your back. Most traditionally they’re wedged under your hips to raise your hips up to a different height, which might make it easier for your partner to penetrate from different positions, from their knees. It might relieve some pressure on your lower back.

Chris Rose: 32:49 How do we accessorize movement? Some people love a bed frame that they can really grab onto and then move into. Sometimes we need a piece of equipment to brace ourselves again and then create the movement we want.

Chris Rose: 33:04 If you ever have the chance to go to a sex club or a sex party and you get the opportunity to fuck in a sling, for example, that can be a totally different experience than being on a bed. Then some couples love that and invest in sex furniture for their home. You can get sex chairs and slings and all sorts of accessories. For most people, we need to just start with giving ourselves permission to move a little bit differently during arousal. We can’t just to the slings and the swings and the chandeliers, because we haven’t even given ourselves permission to start moving a little bit, shaking our hips, writhing our backs, reaching up and grasping our partner in different ways.

Charlotte Rose: 33:58 We musn’t fall into the capitalist trap, thinking that if we buy new things we will have different experiences. It’s going to start in letting our bodies experience something different and expanded. If and when we want to keep exploring, we can purchase items that will allow us to change our experience, but please don’t feel like you have to do that, that’s what you’re missing in your life in order to have better sex. That’s what the world will tell us, but it’s not true. It’s in your body always first.

Chris Rose: 34:27 She just got erotically anti-capitalist on us. That was hot. It’s true, we are often taught that the accessories will unlock the experience. Accessories support an experience that you give yourself. Let’s think about movement. Let’s think about the motions of our oceans and again, give ourselves permission to try new things, to break out of our script, to experiment with what our bodies are capable of, while having as much compassion and freedom from self-judgment as we can, because we are not all sexual athletes. Being an athlete is not the prerequisite for sexual pleasure and fulfillment.

Charlotte Rose: 35:14 I want everyone to really hear that. You do not have to be a sexual athlete in order to have incredible sex. You, your body, whatever level of ability, can have extraordinary and fulfilling, satisfying sex as you are.

Chris Rose: 35:29 The truth is, as much as I joke about you, Charlotte, winning the gold medal for hand jobs at the sexual Olympics, or perhaps you get two gold medals in multi-orgasmic pleasure-receiving as well, she’s a titleholder, but there are no sexual Olympics, there is no competition, there are no judges in your bedroom. The only measure of your sexual pleasure is your experience of it. It’s entirely subjective, even the idea of being sexually fulfilled. That is yours to define at this stage of your life. There are no sexual athletes. There’s performers. Porn performers do us a great service by sharing their bodies and performing for our entertainment, but you are not a sexual performer. You are a sexual being in relationship with yourself, with your partners, with the world. You get to experiment and experience your own body on your own terms. All we are saying right now is that movement and motion is part of that. It’s already part of that.

Charlotte Rose: 36:41 It’s something to explore and experiment with and get curious about, about how much more it can make you feel, how much more it unlocks. It is something to play with, not something to do right or wrong, not something that you’re failing at or doing well, but bring a spirit of curiosity and play to it and see what happens.

Chris Rose: 37:05 The willingness to be foolish. I think in giving ourselves permission to dance, to move during sex, to unlock these rigid bodies of ours, it’s really useful to stop worrying about what it looks like and start focusing on what it feels like and be willing to laugh at yourself.

Chris Rose: 37:27 One of the best things I think that ever happened in my erotic embodiment was I lived with a roommate in San Francisco many years ago who was this delightful gay men, and we used to have ugly dance parties, where we’d put on fun music and dance just as ugly and weird and awkward as we could be. For both of us, this was a process of freeing our bodies from a lot of shame and a lot of judgment. We would just end up sweaty and laughing and just loving one another. Just loving one another because we are allowed to be silly and foolish.

Chris Rose: 38:04 Dance with a toddler sometime. Go to a kids dance party and notice the freedom they have in their body to just jerk their fists around and shake their booties. They feel unabashed because they haven’t been socially conditioned to be preoccupied with how their body looks to others.

Chris Rose: 38:25 If all else fails, use a blindfold. Use a blindfold. This is great advice if you want to get on top for the first time and try cowgirl position, but you’re worried about what your body will look like and you’re worried and that takes you into performativity, put a blindfold on your partner, and then they can’t see you and it’s all about feeling. Put a blindfold on both of you and then try moving more and just focus on the feeling. Turn the lights out. Do it in the dark. Never thought I’d give that advice. We want to encourage you to move, and move on your own terms. Try small movements. Try big movements. Shake it up, and explore the motion of your-

Charlotte Rose: 39:07 Ocean.

Chris Rose: 39:08 … body. We love hearing from you. If anything from this podcast inspired some thoughts or questions for you, you can always email us at Chris Rose@pleasuremechanics.com or charlotte@pleasuremechanics.com and let us know what you’re thinking. We really appreciate all of your supportive emails, all of your gratitudes. We are really grateful to be talking to you all. I just want to say that. I’m really grateful that you’re listening, that you’re engaged in this conversation, that you are curious and invested in creating a more pleasurable sex culture for us all. I love you. Thank you for being part of our world.

Chris Rose: 39:52 Come on over to PleasureMechanics.com where you will find all of our offerings. When you’re ready to explore new erotic skills, check out our online courses and use the code speakingofsex for 20% off the online course of your choice. If you just want to show us some love and support the show, go to PleasureMechanics.com/love. That’s PleasureMechanics.com/love. You’ll find ways to support the show and be part of our inner circle.

Charlotte Rose: 40:23 We have decided to be sponsor-free so that we can bring you just the information, we can just share what we want to share without adding all of those pieces in. A way that you can support us continuing to do that is to contribute to our Patreon, which is at Patreon.com/PleasureMechanics. We really, really, really appreciate your support there. Thank you.

Chris Rose: 40:51 Our Patreon is almost at the point of making up for my decision to drop sponsors, but we’re not quite there yet. We would love a few hundred more of you to join the Patreon at Patreon.com/PleasureMechanics, so I can tell my mama that dropping sponsors was a good idea.

Charlotte Rose: 41:12 Not just a value-based choice.

Chris Rose: 41:15 My mom was like, “Wait, you got advertisers and then you said no?” “Yeah, but mom, it was compromising my editorial voice!” Please show me and my mother that I made a good choice and support our work, keep our lights on, keep food in our bellies, at Patreon.com/PleasureMechanics, or go to PleasureMechanics.com and check out our online courses and support us that way. Either way, we hope that we are bringing more pleasure and joy and permission into your life, that we are slaying some shame with you, and paving the way for a more pleasurable relationship to your body, your sexuality, and to each other.

Charlotte Rose: 41:59 We are cheering you on.

Chris Rose: 42:01 We fucking love you.

Charlotte Rose: 42:03 You can do it.

Chris Rose: 42:03 Show us some love. Come back next week for another episode of Speaking of Sex with the Pleasure Mechanics. I’m Chris Rose.

Charlotte Rose: 42:11 I’m Charlotte.

Chris Rose: 42:12 We are the Pleasure Mechanics.

Charlotte Rose: 42:13 Wishing you a lifetime of pleasure.

Chris Rose: 42:16 Cheers.