Pleasure Mechanics

Survivors

We are dedicated to supporting survivors of sexual abuse, assault and trauma in the process of recovering a healthy, pleasurable sex life. Chris is a survivor of child sexual abuse, teenage assault and multiple physical traumas – her process of reclaiming sexual pleasure is what fuels her lifelong commitment as a sex educator!

We believe that no matter what your history, you are more powerful than what happened to you!

If you are a survivor of sexual trauma, and want to explore reclaiming pleasure and agency, check out our Survivor’s Toolkit, a free resource for all of us:

 

Sex Positions

Many people want to know what new sex positions to try to spice up their sex life. The truth is, sex positions matter much less than most people believe!

The key is to be free enough with one another to experiment, move around and try out new positions to maximize your mutual pleasure.

Some factors to consider when trying out new sex positions:

  • Clitoral Stimulation: 70% of women do not have orgasms during intercourse. To make intercourse more pleasurable for her, find positions where one or both of you can actively stimulate the clitoris with your hands during penetration
  • Depth of Penetration: Try different positions and notice how deep you are able to penetrate. Sometimes you’ll want more penetration, other times you’ll want more shallow penetration to stimulate the g-spot.
  • Pelvic Movement: Find positions where you are able to move your pelvis freely! Moving the pelvis in thrusting and undulating movements can greatly increase sexual pleasure. So try moving more during sex and see how it feels!
  • Take Turns Being In Charge: Some positions allow one partner or the other to control the depth and speed of penetration. Move around to take turns being in charge!
  • Use high quality sex furniture to open up new positions, support your body and make sex way more comfortable for you both!

Podcast Episodes About Positions For Better Sex

Rethinking Libido

Many people are concerned about their libido. Some worry their libido is too high, others worry their libido is too low! Lost libidos, mismatched libidos, libidos gone wild! Our inbox is filled with your libido struggles.

Libido is the biggest problem that is not one problem – but rather a term we use to talk about a huge range of physical, emotional, relational and social factors that influence our interest in, pleasure in and desire for sex. 

It is time for a new conversation about libido – one that seeks to end the needless suffering over libido myths and offers efficient remedies for the most common struggles. 

Our RETHINKING LIBIDO mini series is a deep dive into the topics of libido, sex drive and desire. We bring in experts for multiple perspectives on the complex questions of how we humans experience interest in sex.

If you want personalized support to move beyond your libido struggles, please check out our Sessions offerings. 

 

What Would Make Your Sex Worth Wanting?

Build your erotic capacity with our online courses:

Speaking of Sex Podcast Mini Series

If you want personalized support to move beyond your libido struggles, please check out our Sessions offerings. 

Some Common Libido Struggles, Reexamined

The truth is, libido, or your appetite for sexual arousal, is influenced by many different factors. Libido is very relative – only you can decide how much sexual arousal is a healthy amount for you and your relationship.

Here are some common refrains we here about libido (more to come!) and some new ways to think about common libido struggles.

“I’m Not In The Mood”

In the mood for what? All too often it is assumed that every affectionate touch must lead to intercourse. If you aren’t warmed up, getting propositioned for sex can feel like a big ask at best and sometimes even feel invasive or demanding.

Build a relationship where there are always many possibilities for ways to connect, touch, exchange pleasure and show up for one another. Then “being in the mood” gets much more specific and options open up.

For many people, libido increases when you receive more touch and have more sex. So if you want to increase your libido, start getting more intimate with your lover whether or not you are in the mood. You don’t have to have intercourse- just touch, cuddle and get naked together. You may find your appetite for arousal increases!

“I’m Too Stressed Out To Even Think About Sex”

Stress is the #1 enemy of libido. Stress blocks your ability to get aroused! If you suspect that stress is killing your sex drive, you may want to start exploring the skills of couples massage and erotic touch. Massage is the best way to relax, release chronic stress and reconnect with your lover.

“Stress makes you tired, distracted and unmotivated to do anything, much less have sex,” says Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center for women’s sexual health in Chicago. “When a woman is stressed, the hormonal changes in her body trigger a chemical reaction causing sex hormone–binding globulin to bind with testosterone cells, so they’re unavailable for libido and sexual response.”

“I don’t even know what I want”

You may also want to examine your relationships to desire.  What do you enjoy about life? What makes you light up with joy? What pleasures do you crave? What pleasures do you allow yourself?

Notice all the places in your life you have desire and don’t allow it. We are taught to desire consumer goods – but not some of the more satisfying things in life (fulfillment, touch, intimacy, freedom) With all the consumer chaos, figuring out what you truly desire is a high art. Tuning in to your particular desires is a major part of feeling fulfilled.

“I just don’t feel into it anymore”

Another big influence on libido is physical and mental health.

Sometimes, libido change is a healthy response to your circumstances and will rebound when things change again! Sometimes, a libido crash can be a warning sign. Pay attention to what you feel and know to be true about your particular experience.

If your libido changes suddenly without explanation, or if you have distress about your libido, talk to your care providers about possible causes and remedies.

Kissing

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” ~ Ingrid Bergman

Kissing is one of the most human of all sex acts. Kissing is highly intimate and can be profoundly arousing.

Check out our advice on How To Kiss

Any questions? You can always Ask Us Anything

Female Sexual Anatomy

Female sexual anatomy is not as complicated as our culture makes it out to be. It is essential to get to know your body and how it works if you want to maximize your experience of sexual pleasure.

Here are a few links to more information about specific parts of the female sexual anatomy:

Clitoris

G-Spot

Anal

Breasts