Pleasure Mechanics

5 Ways To Pamper Your Woman

Pamper Your WomanGo ahead and buy her flowers and chocolates, but don’t stop there! To truly express your love and appreciation for the woman in your life, go the extra mile and truly lavish her. A birthday, job promotion or anniversary are great times to pamper the lady you love – but these ideas are for any day of the year!

1. Express Yourself!

Write a love letter, and include specific reasons you appreciate and value her. The more specific, the better. Don’t just say “Thanks for being a great mom!” Instead, say “Thanks for being patient and kind with our kids. Thank you for making family dinner so fun with your stories.” Think about the specific reason that you love her as a unique woman. Specific gratitudes and compliments are WAY more romantic than general ones! Write out your letter in a card or on a simple piece of paper and leave it somewhere for her to discover. She’ll likely keep it forever!

2.  Give her a foot massage!

Invite her to relax on a chair or the couch and sit at her feet. If you really want to go the extra mile, bring a basin of warm water with a few drops of essential oil and let her soak her feet before you begin. Then, one foot at a time, give her a deep, satisfying foot massage. Master foot massage skills with our Couples Massage Mastery Course before you begin and you’ll have her swooning! Remember, even five or ten minutes of foot massage can create a full body wave of relaxation – so you can squeeze a great foot massage in even on busy nights!

3. Send her away!

Give your lady an envelope with some cash ($20-$50 depending on your budget) and tell her that she can’t come home for at least two hours. Suggest she takes herself out to a coffee shop, meet friends for lunch or go to a movie. She may hesitate or protest, but be firm in your resolve to give her alone time. Send her away with a huge hug and a long kiss. While she is out, clean the house (if you can afford it, hire a cleaner!) Even a simple sweep of the house will do wonders: clean the kitchen, put away the laundry, and put fresh flowers on the kitchen table. Want bonus points? Be waiting for her when she returns with a bottle of wine, a few cupcakes or a nice dinner prepared. She’ll be grateful for the mini-vacation and eager to reconnect with you!

4. Run her a bath!

Go to the grocery store and purchase the following items: Epsom Salts, Lavender Oil or Bubble Bath, Tea Light Candles, Her Favorite Beverage and a bouquet of flowers. In the evening, ask her if she’d like a bath. Then take your time to set it up for her. Make sure to clean the bathroom before you get started (most women WILL notice if the bathtub is dirty! Make it sparkle!) Then run a hot bath, adding a cup or two of epsom salts and some oil or bubble bath for scent. Light a dozen small candles and scatter them around the room. Arrange the flowers in a nice vase. Let the tub fill up, making the room nice and steamy. Fold a clean towel for her. Then, escort her into the room, kiss her forehead and invite her to simply take her time and enjoy. If you have kids, take them out of the house for an hour so she can have uninterrupted time to herself.

5. Give Her What She Really Wants!

Pampering comes in many forms – including intense sensation if that is what she is truly craving. A lot of busy woman crave the release of intense stimulation and loving dominance. If she’s been reading 50 Shades of Grey or has expressed any interest in experimenting with rough sex, ask her if she would be interested in exploring erotic spanking! Grab our course on Erotic Spanking and watch it together, asking her to point out specific techniques and positions she finds most exciting. Then, claim your erotic power and give her a beautiful spanking. The video will show you how to build up from a gentle warm-up to a highly arousing climax, and how to make sure it is purely pleasurable every step of the way. Sometimes, being loving can mean being firm and giving her an experience of erotic intensity!

Pamper Her With Your Attention!

Ultimately, pampering a woman is about lavishing her with attention, love and praise. Everyone has a different combination of time, money and energy – so figure out what you have to give and be as generous as you can! But no matter how busy you are, you can create moments of intimate connection by sharing kind words, specific compliments and expressions of gratitude.

Whether it is for Mother’s Day, her birthday, your anniversary or for a “no reason” celebration, try to pay specific attention and figure out what your lover needs most. Does she need time alone, or does she want to be pampered with massage? Is she ready for a sexual adventure like erotic spanking, or does she need a night to simply relax? Only by paying attention will you know what she really needs – and once you give her what she authentically desires, you’ll discover the thrill of creating a fulfilling sex life together.

Survivors

We are dedicated to supporting survivors of sexual abuse, assault and trauma in the process of recovering a healthy, pleasurable sex life. Chris is a survivor of child sexual abuse, teenage assault and multiple physical traumas – her process of reclaiming sexual pleasure is what fuels her lifelong commitment as a sex educator!

We believe that no matter what your history, you are more powerful than what happened to you!

If you are a survivor of sexual trauma, and want to explore reclaiming pleasure and agency, check out our Survivor’s Toolkit, a free resource for all of us:

 

Sex Positions

Many people want to know what new sex positions to try to spice up their sex life. The truth is, sex positions matter much less than most people believe!

The key is to be free enough with one another to experiment, move around and try out new positions to maximize your mutual pleasure.

Some factors to consider when trying out new sex positions:

  • Clitoral Stimulation: 70% of women do not have orgasms during intercourse. To make intercourse more pleasurable for her, find positions where one or both of you can actively stimulate the clitoris with your hands during penetration
  • Depth of Penetration: Try different positions and notice how deep you are able to penetrate. Sometimes you’ll want more penetration, other times you’ll want more shallow penetration to stimulate the g-spot.
  • Pelvic Movement: Find positions where you are able to move your pelvis freely! Moving the pelvis in thrusting and undulating movements can greatly increase sexual pleasure. So try moving more during sex and see how it feels!
  • Take Turns Being In Charge: Some positions allow one partner or the other to control the depth and speed of penetration. Move around to take turns being in charge!
  • Use high quality sex furniture to open up new positions, support your body and make sex way more comfortable for you both!

Podcast Episodes About Positions For Better Sex

Rethinking Libido

Many people are concerned about their libido. Some worry their libido is too high, others worry their libido is too low! Lost libidos, mismatched libidos, libidos gone wild! Our inbox is filled with your libido struggles.

Libido is the biggest problem that is not one problem – but rather a term we use to talk about a huge range of physical, emotional, relational and social factors that influence our interest in, pleasure in and desire for sex. 

It is time for a new conversation about libido – one that seeks to end the needless suffering over libido myths and offers efficient remedies for the most common struggles. 

Our RETHINKING LIBIDO mini series is a deep dive into the topics of libido, sex drive and desire. We bring in experts for multiple perspectives on the complex questions of how we humans experience interest in sex.

If you want personalized support to move beyond your libido struggles, please check out our Sessions offerings. 

 

What Would Make Your Sex Worth Wanting?

Build your erotic capacity with our online courses:

Speaking of Sex Podcast Mini Series

If you want personalized support to move beyond your libido struggles, please check out our Sessions offerings. 

Some Common Libido Struggles, Reexamined

The truth is, libido, or your appetite for sexual arousal, is influenced by many different factors. Libido is very relative – only you can decide how much sexual arousal is a healthy amount for you and your relationship.

Here are some common refrains we here about libido (more to come!) and some new ways to think about common libido struggles.

“I’m Not In The Mood”

In the mood for what? All too often it is assumed that every affectionate touch must lead to intercourse. If you aren’t warmed up, getting propositioned for sex can feel like a big ask at best and sometimes even feel invasive or demanding.

Build a relationship where there are always many possibilities for ways to connect, touch, exchange pleasure and show up for one another. Then “being in the mood” gets much more specific and options open up.

For many people, libido increases when you receive more touch and have more sex. So if you want to increase your libido, start getting more intimate with your lover whether or not you are in the mood. You don’t have to have intercourse- just touch, cuddle and get naked together. You may find your appetite for arousal increases!

“I’m Too Stressed Out To Even Think About Sex”

Stress is the #1 enemy of libido. Stress blocks your ability to get aroused! If you suspect that stress is killing your sex drive, you may want to start exploring the skills of couples massage and erotic touch. Massage is the best way to relax, release chronic stress and reconnect with your lover.

“Stress makes you tired, distracted and unmotivated to do anything, much less have sex,” says Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center for women’s sexual health in Chicago. “When a woman is stressed, the hormonal changes in her body trigger a chemical reaction causing sex hormone–binding globulin to bind with testosterone cells, so they’re unavailable for libido and sexual response.”

“I don’t even know what I want”

You may also want to examine your relationships to desire.  What do you enjoy about life? What makes you light up with joy? What pleasures do you crave? What pleasures do you allow yourself?

Notice all the places in your life you have desire and don’t allow it. We are taught to desire consumer goods – but not some of the more satisfying things in life (fulfillment, touch, intimacy, freedom) With all the consumer chaos, figuring out what you truly desire is a high art. Tuning in to your particular desires is a major part of feeling fulfilled.

“I just don’t feel into it anymore”

Another big influence on libido is physical and mental health.

Sometimes, libido change is a healthy response to your circumstances and will rebound when things change again! Sometimes, a libido crash can be a warning sign. Pay attention to what you feel and know to be true about your particular experience.

If your libido changes suddenly without explanation, or if you have distress about your libido, talk to your care providers about possible causes and remedies.

Kissing

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” ~ Ingrid Bergman

Kissing is one of the most human of all sex acts. Kissing is highly intimate and can be profoundly arousing.

Check out our advice on How To Kiss

Any questions? You can always Ask Us Anything